Post # 1
She gives her “opinion” left right and center… and if i dont agree or change whatever she thinks is “ridiculous” or “innapropriate” there is a full raging war.
Im being ridiculous, i dont know what im talking about… Im “ruining” her wedding experience because I want to play a particular song during my ceremony.
I want to pull my hair out…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Post # 3
i would stop giving her details.
Post # 4
OMG you are ruining HER wedding experience?????? Besides the fact that it is YOUR wedding…what about her ruining your wedding experience????
Post # 5
is she paying for the wedding? if she holds the purse strings its more difficult… but you have to tell her in a calm mature adult way (that i tend to suck at!) that while you appreciate her opinions.. this is YOURS and YOUR FIANCEs weddings… and she doesnt have to like the music choices.. .but you do… explain exactly the direction you want your wedding to go in, and then tell her that if she chooses to put down whatever it is that day that she should offer another suggetion that is keeping in line with your vision for your wedding… I had to do this with my mother too… we finally hashed it all out.. and i told her that sometimes I just dont want her opinion!
Post # 6
Welcome to the club 🙂
My mom just gave me a 20 minute tutorial about our menu wording because she believes that people have an aversion to the word “sauce”.
I could go on and on and on.
My advice: Master the “smile and nod”. Then do whatever the heck you want to do. By the time the night rolls around, it’ll be too late for her to change anything.
Post # 7
Fortunately and unfortunately my FI and i hold the purse strings… she has given us a gift and she bought a few things decoration wise for the reception.
I used to say alot that this was “my wedding” well…if i could only explain the shit show that, that caused.
She says that this is a day that ids special for her and my step father and they should hve somewhat of a say in the way that the whole thing plays out. They said that when i would say it was “my wedding”… that they felt like they were just guests.
I have tried to calmly explain my choices… but she always says that she should be able to “vitoe” stuff …and these arent jokes… I think our first fight was over salad…yes…SALADE!!!! sigh.. she wont even let me live that down…
Post # 8
Oh dear. I can’t agree more with @CanAmBride about mastering the smile and nod. There are certain things I’m just not allowing my mom to be privy to because i know how she’s going to react.
Here’s a for instance…we just received the floor plan for our venue. We are having many different sized tables and we wanted to eliminate 2 of the 8 large mamma 62 inch rounds so we could use smaller tables. I allowed myself, like a complete boob, to tell her this while we were at Michael’s this past Saturday and she immediately challenged me on it. I just looked at her, told her enough and walked away.
So we are still changing it up and not telling her. Some things they just don’t need to know.
Post # 9
Wow, you’re paying for the wedding and she still things she should have a say in everything? I’m guessing a firm “this isn’t up for discussion” isn’t an option with her?
I agree with the smile and nod technique. Let her know that sure…you’ll change the stupid salad for her. Then make sure it’s what you want and she’ll never know the difference at the wedding.
Post # 10
wow! It seems like she’s really manipulating her way into getting what she wants. I wouldn’t tell her too much about the wedding anymore, tell her you want some things to be a “surprise”? Its so weird that she thinks she has the right to veto anything when she isn’t paying for it. I am letting my mother get her way with some stuff, but she’s always been accomodating for what I really want.
Also, don’t use the words “my wedding” its “our wedding” as in you and FI. Explain that you love that she wants this day to be beautiful for you, but the choices you are making are because this wedding represents you and your FI, and should reflect both of your tastes. Tell them of course they aren’t guests, but this is something you want to do FOR THEM. Your mother doesn’t get a say because she’s not the one getting married. Did her mother do the same thing to her maybe? Ask her why some of these things really matter to her, is a salad really that big of a deal (for example)? Will it reflect poorly on you if you have Cesar instead of spring greens with vinegarette? lol, I doubt it!
Post # 11
My mom are on a –Strictly Email Only– plan. No phone conversations, no in-person meetings. We had one too many blow-ups already and we both finally said it had to stop. Shockingly, the plan is working! It’s been 2 weeks pretty stress free and we both feel good about the direction things are going! (Before, I was in tears about every other day….whew, I’m glad I get a break from that drama for a while!)
It’s a thought….
Post # 12
@stephinPA: we have a “need to know” policy with our parents. they only get information that they absolutely need to know and we will put off telling them things until we can’t wait any longer. this mostly applies with FI’s family as my parents are paying for the wedding, but it kind of works all around. on the actual wedding day, they’ll just be happy and excited and hopefully won’t notice details. we tried to be more open with our plans at the beginning and everyone was mad at us about something. so now they get to know nothing.
Post # 13
Dude! If you’re paying, you have the power! I agree with CanAmBride – smile and nod! – and with Ms. Meowerson – what she don’t know, she can’t disagree with. Even if she asks for details, you can always be vague or fib a bit and say you haven’t decided yet.
Post # 14
@pb and J – excellent plan!
Post # 15
@staceynrick I tried to do the same thing with the “email only” technique. I figured it would give us a good way to get all of our opinions out without the emotion.
My mom would end up sending me emails saying “call me to discuss this”. SOOO frustrating!!
Post # 16
Whoa, I don’t even know if I would invite my momma if she acted like that. Shape up or ship out, eh? I don’t know if I will invite my mother anyway, for other reasons..way too long of story there. I don’t even think she cares about me gettin married..says I am lucky but when he said he was the lucky one, big disgusted smerk from good ol’ mom. Just a taste, a very tiny taste of a very long story. Ugh.