- 4 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015
Blech. I just got engaged a little over a week ago, and already the emotional difficulties with my mother have begun. . .
She has never really taken a liking to my FI. Since the beginning, she had issues with him that I, and everyone I’ve told about the situation, consider bizarre and unreasonable. He is a wonderful guy who treats me well, and my father likes him just fine. It’s just my mother. . . she has never liked anyone I’ve dated and why should I expect it to be any different with my FI. . . so frustrating.
When I told my parents we got engaged, she sounded happy and interested, although she did get in one comment along the lines of, “that’s great, as long as that’s what you want!” I had expected worse, so that was fine.
Today she appeared at my work to see me, with no warning, other than a phone call and message that I did not get until after she left, because I was away from my desk when she called (and she called RIGHT before she showed up). She just showed up at my job to see me because she couldn’t stand not seeing me anymore. Holy shit, guilt trip supreme. I am in grad school and work part time, and have a large vegetable garden I’ve had to work in a lot lately (i.e. I have no spare time), so I visit my parents about once a month (they live 1 1/2 hours from where my FI and I live, and I have to drive 3 hours one way to get to school, and I stay over at school 2 nights a week). I am a very busy woman with almost no free time. So I think I have good reason to have not been able to devote a whole weekend to visiting my parents, and we don’t really do short visits.
It was very strange and upsetting that she came to see me at work. I work in a cubicle-land where everyone can see everything, and I have limited time there to get things done. So I found it intrusive rather than nice that she came to see me. . . kind of unpleasantly desperate. I left work and went for a walk with her, since I do miss my parents and I didn’t want to dismiss her rudely. Mostly the walk was nice, but she did bring up the fact that my father thought my FI talked too much when the guys met so my FI could ask my father’s blessing (which he gave), and then my mother brought up something related to her issues with my FI. I’m just SO over hearing about her problems with him, because the problems don’t matter to me and, well, they are HER problems with him. I have a very healthy relationship with my FI and he treats me very well, so it is especially irksome for her to be unpleasant when I see absolutely no grounds for such behavior.
UGH. So now I feel guilty that I haven’t gone to visit my parents, mad at her for bringing up the issues she has when she ought to respect my happy time, embarrassed and annoyed that she showed up at my job to socialize with me when I need every minute of work I can get when I’ve devoted my time to working instead of doing schoolwork, and hurt that she had to bring up my father thinking my FI talks too much.
Not looking forward to the many and varied guilt trips and criticisms that wedding planning is going to involve. . .
Any advice on how to feel less guilty about the fact that I can’t visit my parents as often as they would like? Commiseration? Advice on how to deal with hurtful innuendoes from my mother?
Blahhhhh. . .. sorry this is so long. My fun, happy engagement bubble has been popped after only a week. I knew my parents would do that sometime, but I didn’t think it would be so soon.
Oh, and if you live a couple hours away from your parents, how often do you go see them? 🙁