(Closed) My mother is hurt that I don't want to do the Dollar Dance…

posted 4 years ago in Traditions
  • poll: How should I handle my mother's request for the dollar dance?
    Just keep it the way it is! It's tradition! : (13 votes)
    17 %
    Adjust it, but keep certain parts. (suggestion below) : (31 votes)
    40 %
    Just tell Momma NOPE : (33 votes)
    43 %
  • Post # 3
    2966 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @LadyWhiskey:  I think your idea of the advice notes on the apron sounds like a really good compromise!

    I’m sorry but I would be petrified if someone suggested the dollar dance at my wedding. It’s just…..wrong. No. 

    Post # 4
    215 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @LadyWhiskey:  I like the adjustment that you suggested. The dollar dance must be a geographical thing. I am from the midwest (Iowa) and everyone does the dollar dance and I have never heard anyone say anything about giving money, in fact, most people give $5/$10/$20. I don’t want to do the $ dance at my reception, only because I feel like it takes away from the party, just Fiance and I up there dancing, I would rather everyone be having fun.

    Post # 5
    7653 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @LadyWhiskey:  The Dollar Dance is kind of an area-specific thing. I am from ND, and I have not been to a wedding yet that doesn’t have it. We did do it, and it was a lot of fun and no one complained, BUT if you don’t want to do it that is more than ok. I like your idea of the amrriage advice, so you can still use your apron.

    Just a side story my Mother-In-Law wanted us to do a garter auction, which is also popular here. I didn’t want to do both a dollar dance and garter auction. My idea was a garter dance off, to have all the men dance for me and to give my garter away. My Mother-In-Law was like, “My cousin’s boyfriend is coming, and he said he is really to spend upwards of $500 for that, so you need to do it. It’s tradition.” I just said no, I didn’t care if he had money. He never did participate in the dance and even expressed how disappointed he was that he couldn’t give me his big wad of cash. I just rolled my eyes and said I didn’t need his cash because I make my own money, but thanks anyway. For the record, my dad won my garter, which was perfect.

    Post # 6
    44 posts
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @LadyWhiskey:  I really like your idea on the marriage advice!! If it makes you happy, you should totally go for it!! πŸ™‚

    Post # 7
    1475 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I like the idea of wedding advice too!

    I HATE the dollar dance and we did not do that at my wedding

    Post # 8
    3078 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I think your suggestion of “marriage advice” is fantastic!  Such a great comprimise!!

    Post # 9
    2573 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @LadyWhiskey:  I’m actually pure Polish – like stepped off the TWA-BOEING-in-1986-when-I-was-3 Polish, and I have never heard of this tradition. Honestly, my family would probably be horrified if I suggested such an event at my authentic Polish wedding (wedding #2!) next summer b/c blatantly asking for money is a no-no in my culture. Then again, not sure how the old world culture works (which is what I see a lot of here in America due to the influx of Polish immigrants in the late 1800s-early 1900s).

    Also, I always thought the dollar dance had Greek roots? Then again, the only wedding I’ve been to with the dd was Greek so what do I know, ha.

    I personally like your idea a lot more. Less fund-raiser more wedding. I think you’ve learned by now that you can’t 100% make everyone happy so compromising is the way to go.

    Post # 10
    11234 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’m from Michigan and have been to several weddings with dollar dances. DH’s cousin had one). Honestly, they’re all in good fun. I think that, if it’s an important tradition, you should do it. It’s not an important tradition in either DH’s nor, as far as I know, his cousin’s wife’s family, so I don’t know why they did it other than “it’s what people do at weddings,” but whatever. You could always have the DJ announce it and explain the history/backstory/etc. for everyone?

    Post # 11
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @LadyWhiskey:  I think that’s a cute idea!  You could write up a little explanation of the Polish tradition, then say that instead of money, you’re asking for advice for your married life from your guests, and leave a stack of dollar-sized paper and pens.  Maybe even get some scrapbook paper with money designs on it and cut it the size of bills.  πŸ™‚

    I have been to one wedding with a dollar dance and I wasn’t offended, I just didn’t participate. 

    Post # 13
    776 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would probably think this was awful and tacky UNLESS I knew that it was a long standing Polish tradition (and felt like I wasn’t obligated to participate).

    Maybe you should have something on the tables explaining it, or have the DJ announce it with a bit of background. Then I would get that it’s a cultural tradition that meant something to your family.


    Post # 16
    2573 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @LadyWhiskey:  Definitely more of a Polish-American tradition (the unveiling)! Also, a lot of immigrants came from the countryside where the traditions were more rural (and also where poverty hit the most – I say this b/c why move to a foreign country if you are living comfortably?), and hence a lot of the traditions you see here now are rustic/rural.

    Also, there is no such thing as a traditional Polish surname. πŸ˜‰ My last name does not end in -ski or -wicz, and people are like, “No way!” I’m like, “Yes way!”

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