My mother is hurt that I don't want to do the Dollar Dance…

posted 3 years ago in Traditions
  • poll: How should I handle my mother's request for the dollar dance?
    Just keep it the way it is! It's tradition! : (13 votes)
    17 %
    Adjust it, but keep certain parts. (suggestion below) : (31 votes)
    40 %
    Just tell Momma NOPE : (33 votes)
    43 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2973 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @LadyWhiskey:  I think your idea of the advice notes on the apron sounds like a really good compromise!

    I’m sorry but I would be petrified if someone suggested the dollar dance at my wedding. It’s just…..wrong. No. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    215 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @LadyWhiskey:  I like the adjustment that you suggested. The dollar dance must be a geographical thing. I am from the midwest (Iowa) and everyone does the dollar dance and I have never heard anyone say anything about giving money, in fact, most people give $5/$10/$20. I don’t want to do the $ dance at my reception, only because I feel like it takes away from the party, just FI and I up there dancing, I would rather everyone be having fun.

    Post # 5
    Member
    7654 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @LadyWhiskey:  The Dollar Dance is kind of an area-specific thing. I am from ND, and I have not been to a wedding yet that doesn’t have it. We did do it, and it was a lot of fun and no one complained, BUT if you don’t want to do it that is more than ok. I like your idea of the amrriage advice, so you can still use your apron.

    Just a side story my MIL wanted us to do a garter auction, which is also popular here. I didn’t want to do both a dollar dance and garter auction. My idea was a garter dance off, to have all the men dance for me and to give my garter away. My MIL was like, “My cousin’s boyfriend is coming, and he said he is really to spend upwards of $500 for that, so you need to do it. It’s tradition.” I just said no, I didn’t care if he had money. He never did participate in the dance and even expressed how disappointed he was that he couldn’t give me his big wad of cash. I just rolled my eyes and said I didn’t need his cash because I make my own money, but thanks anyway. For the record, my dad won my garter, which was perfect.

    Post # 6
    Member
    44 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @LadyWhiskey:  I really like your idea on the marriage advice!! If it makes you happy, you should totally go for it!! 🙂

    Post # 7
    Member
    1302 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I like the idea of wedding advice too!

    I HATE the dollar dance and we did not do that at my wedding

    Post # 8
    Member
    3089 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I think your suggestion of “marriage advice” is fantastic!  Such a great comprimise!!

    Post # 9
    Member
    2576 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @LadyWhiskey:  I’m actually pure Polish – like stepped off the TWA-BOEING-in-1986-when-I-was-3 Polish, and I have never heard of this tradition. Honestly, my family would probably be horrified if I suggested such an event at my authentic Polish wedding (wedding #2!) next summer b/c blatantly asking for money is a no-no in my culture. Then again, not sure how the old world culture works (which is what I see a lot of here in America due to the influx of Polish immigrants in the late 1800s-early 1900s).

    Also, I always thought the dollar dance had Greek roots? Then again, the only wedding I’ve been to with the dd was Greek so what do I know, ha.

    I personally like your idea a lot more. Less fund-raiser more wedding. I think you’ve learned by now that you can’t 100% make everyone happy so compromising is the way to go.

    Post # 10
    Member
    11300 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’m from Michigan and have been to several weddings with dollar dances. DH’s cousin had one). Honestly, they’re all in good fun. I think that, if it’s an important tradition, you should do it. It’s not an important tradition in either DH’s nor, as far as I know, his cousin’s wife’s family, so I don’t know why they did it other than “it’s what people do at weddings,” but whatever. You could always have the DJ announce it and explain the history/backstory/etc. for everyone?

    Post # 11
    Member
    3635 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @LadyWhiskey:  I think that’s a cute idea!  You could write up a little explanation of the Polish tradition, then say that instead of money, you’re asking for advice for your married life from your guests, and leave a stack of dollar-sized paper and pens.  Maybe even get some scrapbook paper with money designs on it and cut it the size of bills.  🙂

    I have been to one wedding with a dollar dance and I wasn’t offended, I just didn’t participate. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    789 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would probably think this was awful and tacky UNLESS I knew that it was a long standing Polish tradition (and felt like I wasn’t obligated to participate).

    Maybe you should have something on the tables explaining it, or have the DJ announce it with a bit of background. Then I would get that it’s a cultural tradition that meant something to your family.

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    2576 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @LadyWhiskey:  Definitely more of a Polish-American tradition (the unveiling)! Also, a lot of immigrants came from the countryside where the traditions were more rural (and also where poverty hit the most – I say this b/c why move to a foreign country if you are living comfortably?), and hence a lot of the traditions you see here now are rustic/rural.

    Also, there is no such thing as a traditional Polish surname. 😉 My last name does not end in -ski or -wicz, and people are like, “No way!” I’m like, “Yes way!”

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