- 3 years ago
- Wedding: December 2013
I am so upset! I just got home from visiting my mother and we had a huge blow out. I’m not even sure where to start and I apologize if this is long. I got engaged in April and right from the start my mother has been a nightmare. But, I don’t even think she’s doing it intentionally and I don’t even know if she knows she’s doing it.
Firstly, since I’ve been an adult she always has to “one up” me. I was engaged previously and as soon as I got my 1 ct vintage halo, she went out and bought almost the exact same ring for herself. Whenever people were admiring my ring, she would butt in and tell them about hers. The day after I told my family I was engaged, my mother called all of those family members to tell them she was getting married (she was engaged for 12 years). She planned her wedding for before mine and all spotlight had to be on her. When I got engaged this time around with a rectangular radiant, she went out and bought herself ANOTHER engagement ring (she has 3 or 4 now). Another time, I was talking to her and my stepdad about FI and I buying a new car. She then starts explaining how she’s also getting a new car but she doesn’t even have her licence. When I adopted our new kitten from the Humane Society, she went and got one too. When we went to pick up our kitten, she threw a fit because I said that FI and I wanted to go together. Alone. I really don’t get it; is she jealous? My FI thinks she’s nuts..
Next, she has to micromanage EVERYTHING I do. My parents helped FI and I move into our new apartment. FI had to work until later in the day, so I basically made the decision as to where things (furniture, decoration, electronics, etc) were going to go. Except she wouldn’t even let me do that. She meticulously placed everything in my apartment. When she went to a different room, my dad and I (they were divorced many moons ago but still civil) would rearrange it. When she came back into the room, she would change it back. A week after I moved, she came over for a visit and would not leave me alone as to why I hadn’t hung all the pictures and mirrors up yet. Who cares?! It’s my house!
Now for the wedding…
Everything I have done for MY wedding (obviously it’s FI’s too but he just lets me do what I want) has been one arguement after another with her. When we went dress shopping, she would start looking at stuff for herself until I reminded her why we were there. When looking at veils, she wanted me to get a veil with piping around the edges but I didn’t like that look. She argued with me over and over until I gave in. My veil is a 2 layer where one of the layers has the piping. I don’t know why she couldn’t just leave it be? When she bought her dress (which is very beautiful, by the way), she wanted to alter it so it looked like mine. This really just irks me. She finally dropped it, and we moved on. Then I decided I was going to have a lace bolero made because I’m self-concious about my arms. She had something to say about that too, and how much it’s costing. She’s not even paying for the damn thing! She whines about how she thought her dress was going to match mine and now it won’t.
When I went to the florist, I was in the middle of talking to the florist about what I want and she intervenes and starts giving her opinion. What colours, what flowers, how to wrap it; JUST LET ME BE, WOMAN! To this day, she still has something to say about what I ordered for the groomsmen. She’s also commented on how much the tuxes are costing. Again, not really any of her concern.
So, last week she told me “I think I’m going to make an appointment to get my hair done on Friday and then go for a fitting for my dress”. I don’t really care; I work on Fridays (she is laid off). I assume she’s making her appointment for the Friday so I book my hair trial for next Saturday with a lady I’ve had picked for a while. My mother then decides that she wants an appointment with the same lady for the day of the wedding, and when I tell her no she gets all whiny about it. The reason I said no is because a) this place has the ability to have everybody in a chair with a hairdresser all at the same time so nobody is waiting and b) The lady who is doing my hair is specifically coming in on a Sunday (she doesn’t work Sundays) for me. Again, my mom is all upset about this. She sends me messages on Facebook saying “Are you going to make me an appointment with Heidi or do I have to do it myself?” I just ignore them. I’ve told her that I’d book her with someone else, but she wasn’t getting it. She calls and Heidi tells her that no, she’ll have to book with someone else. I change my appointment from 1pm to 3:30pm on Saturday (for the trial) so we’d be going together. Actually, I’m not even sure why she needs a trial? We were both set to go Saturday at 3:30pm for hair trials. She’s also been mad at me because I hadn’t had a chance to go with her to get a jacket and shoes for her dress (I work full time, have animals, and have very limited time with my FI because of opposite schedules). My mom is laid off and doesn’t drive so she thinks I should be driving her around everywhere.
I go over today to pick up some vendor contracts I had left there. I say “Hey Mom, I’ve decided what to do for favours for the wedding”. Instead of saying “Oh, tell me” or anything of the sort, she says “Oh yeah, I found something you should make”. For.Fuck.Sakes.Woman. So I humour her and go downstairs to look at what she found, but reject it and explain my idea. She of course doesn’t approve of that idea. Then I tell her where I was thinking of having the rehearsal dinner (my in-laws told me to pick somewhere). She then says “How about here? How about there? What about this place?”. I said “No, here.” and showed her the menu; she wasn’t interested in even looking at it. She starts telling me that I have a chip on my shoulder about the wedding that I’m ruining the fun for her. I snapped. I started screaming about how I’m not even allowed to do anything for my wedding because her opinion seems to be the only one that matters. She gets all defensive and tells me I’m a being a bitch because I didn’t help her get the accessories for her dress (I was working when she decided to go) and how I’m never around to do wedding stuff with her and yada yada. I told her she was acting like a child not getting their way and again, she gets mad. She bought stuff for the centerpieces (that I didn’t ask for, but appreciate her doing it) and then she starts talking about how I don’t appreciate anything and I’m selfish. She yells at me to “take all my wedding shit and do it myself” and that she was going to take back everything she bought. Really? What the hell am I supposed to say to that? I just said okay. Basically I’m selfish because I didn’t help her find her accessories for her dress (she just went one day to the mall when I was working), I won’t let her use Heidi as her hairstylist, I don’t drive her everywhere she needs to go. She told me I’m not even excited anymore for the wedding. This is actually true. I wish it was over with. Not because I don’t love my FI, but because the stress isn’t worth it anymore. She then yelled at me to get out and stormed off to her room. I told her when she was ready to act like an adult, to come talk to me. She said she had nothing to say to me and that I was again, selfish. So, I left.
I’m really at a loss for words. It’s not only my nerves that she’s been getting on but everybody elses. It’s like she doesn’t have a job, she gets bored, so then she bugs everybody. She buys things for me that I didn’t really ask for, then holds it over my head especially if I don’t like/want it. What the hell do I do?
ETA: Dear Lord, sorry this is so long ladies!