Post # 1
Im having some real problems with my mother.
Ive been engaged now for about a year, and getting married next June.
We have had a bit of a touchy relationship for a few years now, and just havent seemed to get on.
My mum liked my fiance at the start, but things began to change when my mother kept forcing us to take my older brother with us on dates, just because he doesnt have a girlfriend. This bugged us both for a while, until m fiance decided to speak up to her and tell her he didnt want to babysit him. With that my mother hated him and called him all the names under the sun and even told me to break up with him. (i was still living at home at this time).
Everyday she would argue with me and pick on me, until i told both parents that i wanted to move out and move in with my boyfriend, because i was fed up with arguements. They were not happy…me moving out happened in a very bad way, it ended up me basically running away.
My mum wouldnt speak to me for months after that and if she did she would bad mouth my boyfirend. She would also say to me ‘you cannot live together if you are not married’…so later in the year he proposed!
She wants to pay for the reception, even though we didnt ask her for anything. However she wants total control, our original date was for may 2010, but she told us it wasnt a good time because the weather is not good and also my aunt got married then and now she is divorced. (my mum doesnt get on with her sister at all). She doesnt want to put a deposit down on the venue, saying its too early and she wont allow my fiance familly, except his mum and step dad, because she says the guest list is too long. She has invited 25 or her friends, whom i have never met!
What is going on? Please help, i cry every day by the way she acts.
Post # 3
how old is your brother?? i am a little confused about the situation.
Post # 4
Sounds like mom has a case of the Momzilla ‘tude. Maybe she doesn’t like that you’re growing up… have you been super close in the past til your Fiance came along? I’m really sorry she’s acting so horribly! Can you sit down and talk calmly and rationally with her? Maybr with a white board for flowcharts? (Flowcharts always seem to calm people down because they have to think about them). Good luck!
Post # 5
I cannot reason with my mother, she has always tried to tell me what i can and cannot do. if i do something against her wishes she doesnt talk to me.
She wants to pay for the wedding but she doesnt like to talk about it and she doesnt want to do anything towards it.
I have told her that me and my fiance want to pay for our own wedding to stop all the problems, but now she will not speak with me.
My fiance told her a few days ago that i am always upset after a phone call with her, and her response was that i am pathetic…
Post # 6
All I can say is don’t let her pay for it! I hate to tell people that, but it’s my honest opinion. And it seems like you’re lucky because you don’t have much booked yet. I can tell you what I think is going on: she is trying to control you, which seems like a pattern from what you’ve said. Letting her have any financial control will only cause you and your Fiance stress.
If you really need the help or think she will be seriously offended if you tell her you don’t want any contribution, I would suggest telling her that you guys did a budget and realized you don’t need much help, but you’d appreciate if she gave you money for X (X being something like flowers that you don’t mind if she takes the final word). Hopefully that will appease her.
From what you wrote, if you had to basically run away from home to be move out because she was unreasonable, there’s no way you can talk her down from the Momzilla ledge. On the bright side, you two still talk after all that’s happened, so she may just be able to let go of paying for lots of things.