- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
Warning.. this is going to be a long one. But aren’t all the emotional ones long?! haha.
Anyway… I grew up going to church, my mother is Christian. My whooooole life I was involved in church. My dad wasn’t involved, and didn’t really believe, until I was 15 or so. But now he is. My mom is like that extreme Christian. EVERY post on facebook is a scripture or picture of Jesus. Every time a family member is going through a hard time on facebook, she posts something about Jesus. It’s everywhere. She shoves it down peoples throat and they don’t want to hear it. It’s annoying. And she gets offended when people get upset or say something that disagrees with her religion. Especially me.
I also went to a Christian university from 18 to 20. Then I started drinking occasionally when I was 20 and met my now FI. I withdrew from the university because they found out I was drinking and wanted me to do counseling. I declined so I had to withdraw. At this university, you were not allowed to drink- even if you were 21- so it was a big deal that I was drinking. Honestly, I didn’t have a drinking problem, so that wasn’t why I was supposed to do counseling. Also, they knew I was sleeping over at my now FI’s house and that was a BIG no no too.
So instead of moving home, I moved in with my now FI. My mom is really controlling, so I didn’t want to move back in with them. At this moment, this is basically where I stopped being my mothers “god send” child. I stopped going to church, moved in with my boyfriend, and drank on weekends. To her, that’s like the end of the world.
Anyway.. fast forward 4 years and FI and I are now engaged and getting married in July. When I called her with the news, she was VERY less than thrilled. It was just ohh you are? Congrats. But that was it. She didn’t ask about planning, NOTHING. Finally, I confronted her and she said she wanted me to marry a Christian man and we need to be “equally yolked”. I told her she can’t expect me to marry a Christian man if I’m not even really following that path. It became a HUGE fight and she told me she doesn’t think FI is the right man for me. He is a GREAT man. He is honest, funny, caring, takes care of ME, dependable, and puts up w/ all this BS from my mom. My entire family LOVES him- she is the only one w/ the problem.
That was like 6 months ago and ever since, I try to get her involved but she always blows me off. She SAYS shes supportive, but she’s not. I talk to her about the ceremony, and she just nods along and says mhmm, but never really engaging.
Well we just had another huge fight last night. I confronted her again how I feel like she’s not supportive and she said she feels like I don’t ask for her help. Granted, I did just complete 1/2 my invitations on my own but that’s because I’m at home alone and bored, so what else is there to do?! And I told her I don’t ask because I’m scared she won’t be excited. And I don’t want her to ruin my wedding day crafts with her sour attitude. And I said I know how she really feels. So she said yea well it’s hard for me to hide my feelings. And I said you need to hide them better cause I really want you to be involved. And then SOMEHOW, like it always does, it came back to religion. And she started getting mad cause I called it “religion”. She said it’s not religion, it’s a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. And I said I know mom, but can’t we just agree to disagree? I don’t understand why we need to keep having this conversation because we always end up hurting each others feelings and we always end up mad at each other. And she said Jesus is a big part of her life and she feels like she didn’t raise me right because I don’t follow that path anymore. I told her I still believe everything I’ve always believed, it’s just that I live my life differently. And then she said YEA, I KNOW. Like she’s upset with how I live.
Like, how can she tell me she’ll be supportive and she wants to help when she acts like this?! I really am at a lost Bees. I just don’t know what to do. I try to avoid it, but that makes her upset. Then we talk about it and it turns into a huge fight. It’s really really really hard for me to involve her when I really know how she feels. I feel like I’m not good enough for her, that FI isn’t good enough for her. We’re not Christian enough. It’s ridiculous! Who is she to judge us? Why can’t we just agree to disagree? Why can’t she just be happy for us?! And then she’s all mad cause my dad’s mom is SUPER involved in everything. She LOVES FI and I LOVE having her involved cause she gets so excited and is so supportive! But then my mom gets super jealous. But it’s like what do you expect? Oh my gosh, I hate this.
Any advice is totally appreciated. Thanks! 🙂