My Mother Really Knows How to Ruin a Birthday (NWR)

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: What would you do with the check?
    Return it (with or without a note) : (43 votes)
    78 %
    Keep it, but don't deposit it (or shred it) : (1 votes)
    2 %
    Keep it, deposit it to keep her quiet, then use the money for something else : (7 votes)
    13 %
    Do what she wants and use it for Weight Watchers : (3 votes)
    5 %
    Other : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 2
    42135 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    LadyBear:  I would send it back. I would thank her very much for her generous gift and her concern about your health. I would tell her that I am sure that when it comes to weight loss,she knows that each person has to reach their own decisions at a time that is right for them and having their mother pressure them with a bribe doesn’t help. I would say that I know she means well but it is very hurtful to have a birthday gift sent with strings attached.

    As an aside I used to be quite overweight and lost the weight with Weight Watchers so I can vouch that it does help you to make lifestyle changes, not just take the weight off. When you are ready,give it some thought.

    Post # 3
    6667 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    That is awful- I would return it.

    Post # 4
    2620 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    send it back. i know how moms thought can be hurtful to their daughters-been at the reciving end of the fat jokes. now i get you are too skinny–even though i am not…  they will never be happy with what size you are and just manipulating you.

    Post # 5
    1987 posts
    Buzzing bee

    The best thing to do would be to return it. But the bad side of me wants you to deposit it and treat yourself to a full spa day and pamper yourself galore for having to deal with such a passive-aggressive mother. I’m sorry, hun. ::HUGS:: and even though you’re down about that, I hope you still have a wonderfully happy birthday night!

    Post # 6
    2725 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    She asked for the shit storm by sending it in the first place. Send it back.

    You have to choose to lose weight for yourself or it will never work.

    Post # 7
    865 posts
    Busy bee

    LadyBear:  That’s terrible!  I would absolutely return it or spend it on something else and send them a thank you card telling them how you chose to spend the money…

    Post # 8
    4911 posts
    Honey bee

    LadyBear:  Ugh. Reading your initial post, I just wanted to reach through the computer and hug you. I feel so much for you and for the hurt you must have felt in reading your mother’s letter. I admire your overall attitude about it, which seems to be healthy and confident in yourself and what you know is right for you. I have a rather difficult mom, too. And, much as I know she means well when she says mean things (or at least, I tell myself this … because believing that your mother enjoys being mean to you is just too painful), the things my mom says to me still hurt. It’s taken a few years of therapy for me even to be able to admit out loud that she hurts me.

    For me, I would like to say I would send the check back. But, in reality, I probably wouldn’t. I am very non-confrontational with my mom, so I don’t think I would have the guts to do that and face the crap-storm that would probably follow. But, I also wouldn’t use it. I would probably stick it in a drawer somewhere and pretend it didn’t exist. (I know this is not a healthy or adult thing to do. >.O)

    If you’re able to send the check back, then I think that is the absolute right thing to do. You have to be ready on your own to lose weight, whether that is through Weight Watchers or on your own or some other program that works for you. And that’s the important thing: you know what works and what will work for you. It’s your business how and when you lose weight — no one else’s.

    Post # 9
    1248 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    LadyBear:  This is just effing horrible. And on your birthday!? WTF mum. (also – 30 pounds overweight is hardly morbidly obese territory).  I have some understanding of the situation you are in because my mother too is ultra slim and used to get on my case too when I was overweight and shame me regularly.  What these people will never realise is that if someone is going to lose weight it has to be because THEY want to lose it. Shaming, nagging and even paying for programs rarely works. I did lose the weight in the end but on my terms and when I wanted to do it and was ready to commit to it.  I would definitely send the cheque back to her and tell her to get stuffed.

    Post # 10
    280 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    First of all, massive HUGS!

    I’d be absolutely livid if my mother ever pulled that crap. It is not up to her to decide how you deal with your weight. It’s YOUR decision. And she can’t allow or disallow you to do anything! You’re an ADULT for goodness sakes. 

     There’s a bad part of me that thinks you should keep the money and spend it on whatever the hell you want. Honestly, it’s what I’d do. However, I think you should return the money. Send that sucker back and prep yourself with some confident statements when the shit storm begins.

    Post # 11
    710 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I would deposit it and spend it on something for yourself.  Screw sending it back to her. 

    Post # 12
    2620 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    also wanted to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY ! dont let your parent spoil your good day

    Post # 13
    9526 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Holy Cow! I’m the queen of keeping useless shit because it was a present and “it’s the thought that counts”. And I would return that with a letter explaining that I didn’t need/want it In a heartbeat. That is inconcuevably rude. If you had been talking about wanting to lose weght or join weight watchers, then this would be awesome, but if not, it’s in very poor taste.

    Post # 14
    3047 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    First of all, happy birthday!

    Then… wow, that’s incredible insensitive and, may I say so, such a stupid move on your mums behalf. If she’s genuinely concerned about your weight, attacking you like that is just NOT the way to go ahead and encourage a weight loss! I think most adults would be offended and hurt by the way she dealt with this, so totally contra productive! I’ve been more than 60 lbs heavier than what I’m now, and even though I wanted to lose that weight for a long period of time I would have had a very hard time to be polite if anyone had done that to me back then. As many pp’s have said, you need to come to a breaking point yourself and genuinely want a change, no one can nag/bully or guilt you into it.

    To answer your question about what to do with the check… I would be so tempted to cash it, and then write a new check for the same amount to her – asking her to take a few courses in empathy. But I realize that means war, so it’s probably just best to send it back with a letter telling your mother that you found it incredible hurtful.

    Post # 15
    207 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    LadyBear:  Happy birthday! 

    Cash the check, go buy a bangin birthday outfit. 

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