(Closed) Emotional Crisis Averted…Thanks Bees.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Am I supposed to pretend that everything is perfect and smile on my wedding day?
    She's insane....hell no. : (26 votes)
    90 %
    Yes...for the good of the family : (3 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1177 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Oh, honey 🙁 That’s terrible! I don’t even know what to say. I can’t believe she kicked you out.

    Is it possible to elope at this point? Maybe you’d feel better spending the day with your real family now: your fiance.

    That’s just horrible of her 🙁

    Post # 4
    Member
    4887 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    First:  I’m SO sorry to hear about these hardships, I’m sure it’s not easy.

    Second: Elope, capital E.  You and your fiance elope without all of these randoms around, then maybe have a party when you get back.  You’re adults with your own lives… you don’t need to put up with this shit.  It’s totally not worth it, and if someone is truly going to ruin your wedding, then you need to take matters into your own hands.

    Post # 5
    Member
    7431 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    Umm I would just stop talking to her. It seems like she will never stop being negative to you, so why keep letting her do this to you? And if YOUR family will not come to your wedding just because she told them not to, then why would you want them there???

    Sorry, but I don’t agree that just because people are family, they deserve to be in your life. Toxic people have no room in my life, regardless of why they were there in the first place

    Post # 6
    Member
    3847 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2004

    @Ms. Polar Bear:  I am so sorry that this is happening.  Why would you invite her to the wedding anyway?  I am a firm believer that sharing dna does not give someone the right to treat you like crap.  If anyone else did this you would stay the hell away from them, right?  I suggest moving forward and loving the wonderful people in your life that do support and encourage you.  Life is too short.  Good luck finding a job soon.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3847 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2004

    @MrsSl82be:  “Sorry, but I don’t agree that just because people are family, they deserve to be in your life. Toxic people have no room in my life, regardless of why they were there in the first place”

    Exactly what you said!!!  I like the way you think.

    Post # 10
    Member
    7431 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    @MrsFuzzyFace: Thanks!

    My real MIL (the one I talk about on here is my FIL’s awesome FI) is an alcoholic who just can’t get a grip. She chooses it over her family all the time, and has for my husband’s whole life.  Its really sad, honestly, cuz I know we would get along really well if the alcohol hadn’t eaten her brain.  We finally got tired of it, and now she’s out of our life. The hubs will still call her on her birthday and mother’s day, but always while he’s at work so he doesn’t have to talk long.  I refuse to speak to her, because I don’t think she should be rewarded for her actions. We have told her time and time again that when she is ready for help, we will be there in every way. But, since this has gone on for over 30 years, I don’t see that happening. Such a shame, but sometimes it has to happen. We also don’t speak to my fathers side of his family, for some really crazy shit that they tried to pull years ago.  They made him choose, and he chose us. Never looked back, and probably the best decision he ever made. He isn’t without family, and I suspect you won’t be either

    Post # 11
    Member
    2295 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I am so sorry for all this- I would seriously suggest talking to someone about getting your possessions, since you are not a dependent, and what not, you should be able to get your personal belongings from her, as well as the car (I would suggest getting an officer to come with you and say- I need to move out officially, and since I was given no notice, all these possessions, including the car, which I hope is in your name, should come with me)

    Why am I serious about involving police? because you need to get these things back from your parents- I have a pretty insane family as well, and frankly there are two things you need to worry about- getting a stable job for the moment,  as well as trying to get back your belongings (clothes, etc) so that you can start over.

    On the wedding, elopement I think is a wonderful idea at this point. I also would try and find out if you can get any refunds on deposits at the moment- especially ones you have paid yourself. That should help possibly with any funds you may need in the future

    I am so sorry your mother is doing this to you- its totally insane, and it breaks my heart to hear it.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3847 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2004

    @Ms. Polar Bear: “I’m probably going to delete all the details before my hour is up because in the mood she is in I wouldn’t put it past her to read it and get pissed off.”

    Why on earth would you care if she reads this or if she gets pissed off?  If you are considering not inviting her to your wedding, don’t you think the “getting along” ship has already sailed? 

    Post # 12
    Member
    2295 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @Ms. Polar Bear: I dont think you should care about her reading this- I am sad that your father is supporting her decision to kick you out (unless he has contacted you and intends on still helping you with the wedding?- or maybe you two should talk about refunds?)- I truly hope he doesnt agree with her, and talks to your mother about how utterly insane she is acting….jeez.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1664 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I’m really sorry that you are going through this.  But your mom hasn’t ruined your wedding.  Try not to lose sight of what is important (you and your FH getting married), and don’t give her that kind of power. Your dad should be able to get back some of the deposits. 

    I think you need to gain independence from your mother asap.  Obviously, there is something more going on here than the bathtub.  She sounds like a toxic person, and you are going to have to figure out what type of relationship (if any) you can have with her. This is a hard thing for adult children of not-so-sane parents to figure out, but you will figure it out in time. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    2462 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    what’s the status of your relationship with your dad and brother? how did your dad just let her kick you out and keep your stuff? is there any chance he’ll stick up for you? this just happened, right? maybe your mom just needs time to cool down and realize she acted nuts?

    i’m really sorry this is happening, it sucks. but regardless of what happens with her, i don’t think this needs to ruin your wedding. your wedding is about your relationship to your fi, not her. seriously, [email protected]#$ her. the greatest revenge is to life your life the best you can and it’s her loss if she’s lost out on being in it.

    The topic ‘Emotional Crisis Averted…Thanks Bees.’ is closed to new replies.

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