- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
I really hope some of you bees have went through this and can give me some advice to keep me from going absolutely insane.
My mother can’t seem to grasp the fact that it isn’t 1975 anymore and weddings have changed since then. My mom is great, I love her to death, and she has been so supportive in wanting to help us pay for the wedding, but she’s driving me nuts!
I’m a very organized person, so I’ve been creating a budget binder the past several months with all my wedding ideas, vendor preferences, and detailed budget guides for each option. I decided to sit down with my mom this week to go over all of these things and try to figure out what she would pay for and what I would pay for, as it’s about time to start reserving vendors and whatnot. She acted as though I was the most high-strung person she has ever met when I brought up the prices of things and spoke about the details of a standard wedding.
Now I know every bride gets carried away with details, and I’m sure I’m no exception, but just to be clear, this was not a bridezilla list I presented her with. Just simple (and well researched) items. This was the list:
-White Garden Chairs (for ceremony): $2.85 each, need 150
-Table Linens: $6 each, need 20
-Cake Stand: $150
-Dinner Buffet: $3,000, feeds 150
-Invitations/Programs/Escort Cards/Paper Products: $200 (paper/ink only, I design on Etsy)
-Open Bar: $650 (discount add-on with caterer)
I thought all of these things were very reasonably priced, putting my wedding at under $10k with the venue and my dress. To my mother, I’m absolutely nuts. The first thing she said when I presented her with this list was “Who do you think you are? The Queen?”.
Followed quickly by:
-“$3 for a chair? We’ll just ask the neighbors for their lawn chairs and beach towels”
-“Why do you need table linens? The dollar store sells plastic tablecloths and you can throw them away”
-“You want to pay someone a thousand dollars to take pictures of you? I’ll go buy a couple disposables from Walmart and your dad and I will tell you to strike a pose”
And, of course, my personal favorite…
-“$3000 for FOOD? You can buy 150 hot dogs for $10 at Sam’s Club and we can grill them out back. I think I have some coupons at home for those little packs of individual bags of potato chips”
OMG. I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry. I tried to explain to her that these are good prices and totally average for a wedding these days, but nope, I’m juts crazy in her eyes. Now she’s trying to tell me that if I want a fancy wedding that I need to just hop on a plane and go get married on a beach somewhere (like my older sister did – everything she does, my mom wants me to do). I don’t know what to do. How can I ask/expect her to help with the cost when she’s just going to argue everything with me and not be the least bit understanding that things have changed since she got married? Should we just tell them to forget about it and foot the bill ourselves to save ourselves the stress? I can’t help but think that if she’s this crazy about the cost of things, when I try to include her on the planning of the newer wedding traditions, she’s just going to try to take over the whole thing and make me feel bad about trying to plan things the way I want them.
Is there any NICE way of breaking it to her that she’s just not current with todays times and expectations for weddings? I’m desperate to get any advice that helps me avoid her white trash wedding ideas without hurting her feelings or cutting her out of the planning process. PLEASE.
Thanks in advance, bees!