My mother wants to walk down the aisle…by herself.

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My mom was escorted by an usher/groomsman (my brother) as part of the procession. I would let her do what she wants.

 

My DH was juts waiting at the front of the church, he did not process.

Post # 3
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Does it really matter if she walks by herself? Why stress yourself over something so trivial 

Post # 6
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

seegirlmarry:  

i had a feeling this had something to do with more deep-rooted issues. Have a chat with her or you will just keep getting more resentful towards her 

Post # 7
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

“Then she tells me she would rather just walk down the aisle by herself so she doesn’t bother anyone.”

Ha! The traditional refuge of the passive-aggressive who never want to “bother anyone” but ensure that their behaviour is guaranteed to cause bother.

In this instance, I’d ask myself if this is a battle worth fighting or perhaps might it be better to call her bluff and just say “Sure, if that’s what you want to do, go ahead. It’s just fine by me”.

Because (from your subsequent posting) I suspect she is desperately hoping for some drama here. Don’t feed the drama llama, is my advice.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  .
Post # 8
Member
6644 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Just let it go and let her walk alone, it isn’t going to ruin your day or your wedding. It isn’t that big of a deal don’t make a huge fuss about it.

Post # 9
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Based on the entire situation it honestly sounds to me like she has some issues with you, your fiance, and/or your wedding, and walking down the aisle by herself is some way of asserting herself and/or those issues.  Let it go and let her walk down by herself.  She may change her mind at the last minute but it really isn’t worth you stressing over it.  Nobody is going to notice or care that your mom walked down the aisle by herself.

Post # 10
Member
3806 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

seegirlmarry:  put your foot down. tell her i planned for you to walk with (fill in the blank). please do so on saturday. it’s such a small part of the ceremony and it will make everything run smoothly.

Post # 11
Member
3806 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

beachbride1216:  i don’t think it’s that deep. sometimes mothers just want to run the show, or they think they’re helping by “thinking”. lol sorry to make it sound like they are just there for the show, but when it comes to the ceremony, they are. i had to eventually tell my mother, “don’t think. don’t make any decisions. i’ve done that already. just get dressed and stand in this spot by this specific time. thanks.” my mother LOVES my husband and LOVES his family and loved everything about our ceremony, but she was excited and still tried to make a few things about her. her point of contention had to do with wearing a ribbon on her corsage. i didn’t want the damn ribbon on her corsage and made sure to tell the florist, in front of her, to leave the room with the ribbon. it didn’t mean my mother didn’t like my husband or our pending marriage. mother’s can just be weird.

 

 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
6510 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

It seems pretty trivial in the grand scheme of things. I honestly think it would have been a little weird to have my mom walk down with my groom. Just let her walk down by herself- pick your battles.

Post # 13
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

If it’s a dealbreaker for you then I expect there could be some fallout.  She said she would walk with your sister, so maybe she feels weird walking with his family.  I don’t know Jewish tradition, but is this really a big deal?  I can see how maybe she feels like she’s been on her own after the death of your father and at this point prefers not to be escorted by someone else.  After all, you’re walking by yourself as well.  Personally,  I’d not put too much emotional energy into this issue. 

Post # 15
Member
3806 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

seegirlmarry:  oh my mother said that PLEN-TY of times. i had to find a better way to say it. i said “mom i’m not telling you this out of disrespect. we both know that this is my wedding and this is the way FI and i want to proceed. please consider doing what we are asking.”

i think that moms struggle with the idea of us actually living our lives as real women and no longer being under them but by someone else’s side that isn’t theirs. my mother still struggles with it and i’ve been married for 7 months! but she is getting better. she understands now that it’s no longer her place to play the “i’m the mother” card.

so i say to stick to your guns because it’s the little things like this that will force her to see that yes, your life is changing and no she can’t call all of the shots anymore. it’s the principle.

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