Post # 1
So first off I am by no means a large person, however I am much larger than I am used to. I am usually a size 2-3 at 5 feet 2inches. And now I am a size 6-7 US. I am in the process of trying to get rid of the extra weight for my wedding that is in a little over nine months.
Well… my mother constantly says something about my weight. It is never really rude, it is just a comment. Like “you dont need that cookie”, or “you dont need to eat that one ravioli”, “get the salad” or “I dont think you will fit in that”. “did you work out?” Or here is the kicker… “before we go dress shopping you shouldnt eat”.
We are not going dress shopping until 4pm!
I am really just fed up with the negativity! It makes no sense. My entire life she has never been like this. But maybe its because I have never been this size my entire life.
I am sorry for the rant, it is just so frustrating, because I know I am not that large.
My mom is not a small women, so it just does not make since why she is being so critical over my weight.
Post # 3
MY mother is crazy too. She keeps talking about how she is “getting skinny” for my wedding. And what I am doing to “get skinny”. uh…. nothing. thanks.
Post # 4
She’s probably being critical because she’s insecure about her own weight issues. Maybe she thinks you staying slim will prevent you from having whatever issues she attributes to her weight.
I’m a street size 12, so yeah, probably could stand to lose a few pounds, and my mom’s always on me about it as well. Actually yelled at me to “Suck it in! You don’t want to look fat in pictures!” as I was recessing down the aisle after our ceremony.
Post # 5
My mom is the same way. I used to model, and within the last year I went through a lot of stress, so I gained about 50 pounds in 4-5 months. I hadn’t seen my mother for a while and then when I did she kept going on and on about how fat I am and how FI feels about it (he’s FINE with it btw; he keeps saying I’m not fat even when I think I am, and he actually means it even though I say he’s obligated to say it lol)
It really hurts hearing it from your mom. My dad’s also been doing it too recently, and they keep saying I need to go on the treadmill (I have pretty severe asthma so that wouldn’t really be much of an option), and they just make me feel very down.
Now it’s just easier to ignore it. Keep your head high and lose the weight only if YOU think you need to. Hugs!
Post # 6
You know, my mom used to be the same way and I think it just comes from them wanting the best for us and trying to help. It just doesn’t come across that way. There’s probably not much you can do, but just know that she is well meaning.
Post # 7
Ugh that is so frustrating!! Just try to tune her out- I’m sure you look gorgeous:)
Post # 8
@SapphireSun: +1000 totally agree….I am a plus size woman and I have learned to love the skin I am in. My father, brother, and sister are obsessed with their weigh but I have realized that I am not made to look like everybody else. I am well dress and have not ever had a problem attracting men and my FI loves me just the way I am.
Post # 9
If this isn’t something she usually does, she may think she’s being helpful (I’m assuming she knows you’re trying to lose weight). It might benefit you to sit down with her and explain to her how she’s killing your self esteem or adding to your stress levels every time she says one of her reminders. She may not realize she’s hurting you.
Post # 10
@katy13: Maybe I’m just abrupt and overly practical, but I disagree about ignoring her. Call her out on it.
I put up with this kind of crap for many many years from my own family and I wish I had said something a long time ago before I developed disordered eating.
Post # 11
Ugh my mom has been doing this lately too. I’m a size 8. I know I could lose a little weight but I am not fat or overweight. My mom makes the you should eat a salad instead comments too. I have been avoiding her lately…. maybe she will get the hint
Post # 12
Maybe she’s just trying to keep you on track to look your best on your wedding day. Of course, it’s probably coming across wrong, but maybe she’s just trying to help? Not that u need it! It just seems like something my mom would do! lol
Post # 13
This sounds really unhealthy, but I’m sure it’s coming from the fact that she wants you to look your most beautiful on your wedding day. Don’t pay too much to her words, but maybe spend some time working out a fitness/healthy eating plan to ensure you look and feel the best when you get married. It sounds like you feel uncomfortable at your current weight, and your mom is probably only trying to help you achieve weight loss. Maybe just gently tell her that you are working on it in your own way, and that her comments are only making you feel worse about yourself at a time when you need support.
Post # 14
@katy13: Have you spoken to her and told her she’s annoying/hurtful? She probably a) has her own insecurity issues and b) really wants you to look good for your wedding day… but she’s not going about this is in a helpful manner. I’m sure she MEANS well, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Talk to her about it. Let her known the comments aren’t helpful, and you’ll handle your own weight, thanks.
Post # 15
Oh, I can sympathize, in a round about way.
The weight ‘game’ as I like to call it is amazing and so messed up for women.
I am the smallest I’ve been in my entire adult like, actually since age 12.
With my mom it’s been oh’s and ah’s and now the coin’s flipped she’s bigger than me! A part of me wants to be vindictive since I spent years hearing how I was a fat heffer then the other part of me says NO WAY do not do that! Which I mean I WON’T, but I think for my mom she was always judged for her appearance so for her to say, that dress really hides how large your ass is, is a compliment, whereas it hurts my feelings.
My point is, fighting fire with fire isn’t good- however your mom although she probably has good intentions is not executing them the best.
Not to be all armchair psych, but perhaps using some therapy based when you say X it makes me feel Y, do you think that’s good for me to hear?
I did that with my mom years ago and it’s made huge changes in our relationship.
To give you backstory, my mom weighed 102 lbs when she married my dad.
I am 168 lbs as of today and was at my heaviest 352 lbs. So I fully get where you’re coming from.
Hugs and keep your head up!
Post # 16
This happened to me and I can’t be more thankful that it did. Because you know what? I WAS getting too big and I really DIDN’T need to snack after dinner. I wasn’t hungry, I was bored. Try to not take it personally but think about it logically. I’m sure your mother thinks you are beautiful and that she’s just trying to help 🙂