My mum and I had a giant fight because…. (Beware rant….)

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
4223 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

No, your mom is being an unreasonable jerk. My parents don’t seem to get that yes, they married someone but no, that doesn’t automatically make us a family. I don’t know what to do, but I hear you. 

Post # 4
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

At the end of the day it is your  and your fiance’s decision.    How old are you?   I would throw the party that your planned and announce your news the way you want to.

Don’t be surprised if your mother has not already announced it.

Post # 5
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Jeez. Your Mom gets points for wanting to throw you a congratulatory celebration. As the hostess, she technically does get select the guests, but you certainly don’t have to agree to the party if it doesn’t sound like fun to you.

If it were me, I’d plan something for family and friends independent of whatever your Mom wants to do.

As for your “rejection” of your step-family, I think she has totally blown that out of proportion. Blending families is hard, and given that all of the “kids” seem to be adults with their own children, etc an expectation of instant closeness is completely unrealistic on her part.

You are not the worst, most selfish daughter ever. That honorific goes to Lizzie Borden or maybe Miley Cyrus.

Congrats on the baby!

 

Post # 6
Member
6644 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Your pregnancy your decision along with your FI not your Mom’s decision. She needs to deal with it

Post # 7
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

No!

For one, I’d expect way, way, worse behavior from you (or anyone else) for your own mother to abandon you when you’re pregnant–even if it is just posturing. That’s completely hurtful and immature. She’s going to be your child’s grandmother and it’s a special time for you–she should be happy and supportive!

Two, if you are pregnant and getting married, I’m assuming you’re not 12. And your mom’s new family is ‘new,’ right? Wanting your children to get along is one thing, but to force it, especially when your daughter is about to start her own family and especially when your step-family is newish, is weird–ie, sure, y’all can get along, but once you guys are grown up, she’s not going to be the matriarch of her own sitcom brood. You’ve moved on.  

And finally, this isn’t a moment that demonstrates you are rejecting her or your step-siblings; it’s just how you’d prefer to tell people. It’s not appropriate for your mother (or anyone) to say, “You must announce YOUR pregnancy in the way that *I* want you to.” 

I’m sure that your mom just wants you to get along with her new stepkids. If you find a way to convince her that you don’t dislike them and that you WILL make an effort to get to know them–just not by way of pregnancy announcement–then that might pacify her. 

Post # 8
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Someone needs to calmly explain to your mom that it takes time to blend a family.   She can’t force you to have instant feelings for her new family members.

Post # 9
Member
1905 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

No. 

 

My FI and I have dated for 3 years and during this time I have become very close to his sister. We talk almost daily and see each other at least once a month. I consider her a very close friend- we truly like each other! 

 

My brother met and married a girl within 5 months. I was her bridesmaid and met her at  the dress rehearsal. 

 

My mother is CONSTANTLY comparing my relationship to FI’s sister to SIL. I need time, just like I did with FI’s sis, to form a relationship. Just like you do! It doesn’t happen just because our moms want it to. 

 

When Michael and I got engaged guess what? I ran off and told his sis, and later on told SIL. Just like uou want to tell your close fam your good news. I think your mom should be happy you’re being so open to including them

 

Post # 11
Member
3119 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Um. No. Just no. It’s YOUR child, YOUR decision in how / when / where to share the news. You and your FI’s decision alone. I can’t even believe the manipulation she’s trying to pull on you?!? Stay strong. She’ll come around, If you cave on this, it sends the message this this behavior is okay. Then who knows what other crap she’s going to try to pull and which other ways she’s going to try to control you and your baby’s life.

Sorry you’re going through this!

Post # 12
Member
3119 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Double post

Post # 13
Member
1286 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wow, just wow. Your mom is a peice of work. She certainly seems hell bent on making this all about her. And ‘threatening’ not to support you because you don’t want to tell people in her manner is simply a toddler having a tantrum. I would call her bluff. Kindly let her know you love her and are excited for the pregnancy, but as the parents, you and your FI will make the decisions related to the baby/child. If she can’t get support you because of that, you are very sorry that your child won’t know his/her grandmother, but that is ultimately her choice. Additionally, this has nothing to do with your personal relationship with your step-sisters, this is her trying to control that relationship and the situation. Again, making it all about her.

 

Good luck!

 

Post # 14
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@polly-pocket:  just blurt it out to the stepsisters… no party nothing fancy…. This is YOUR pregnancy… Do it YOUR way!! Personally I’d tell your close friends first… Chances are once the beans get spilt the news will end up on facebook which is a complete nightmare… Trust me!!!

we were really lucky with our timing… We were able to tell DH’s parents and gosh the majority of his dad’s side of the family at Thanksgiving… MIL hosts a dinner and anyone who wants can come… This year there had to be 50+ people! We’re Catholic so we always say grace before each meal so DH being the eldest son volunteered (completely normal)… And he said the typical “bless us oh lord…” And then at the End we add personal blessings so he said “Bless our friends and family near and far who couldn’t join us tonight… And bless my unborn child due this June”… It was absolutely perfect… Everyone freaked out! Everyone cried! It was just how I had imagined it…. You deserve for it to be how YOU imagined it!!

Post # 15
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Oh wow,what a shitty situation for you.

 

i know how i would be if this were my mum and i really wanted to be nice aswell as stand my ground!

 

”hi mum,just to let you know that me and FI have made our final decision regarding our baby announcement and have decided to go for the bbq in the park. i am soooo excited! i hope that stepsisters and their families can join us in our celebration so that we can further get to know each other and bond a bit more,ill let you know the dates as soon as they are verified”

ETA sorry,i only just realised after writing this post that you have tried to  speak with her and have gotten nowhere. to call you what she did was uncalled for,not true and,frankly manipulative. i think i would still say what i have,give the dates and see if she shows up

Post # 16
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Why do you need a party to tell people you are pregnant? I got lost on that. This all seems like drama that doesn’t even need to exist, just pick up the phone and tell people like the rest if the world does? 

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