Post # 1
I need some help from the hive. My mum has been in and out of relationships all my life. She has been living with a man for the last 18 months (that I’ve seen on probably 6-8 occasions) and has today told me they are separating but are staying friends.
We are 8 weeks out from our wedding and she wants to still bring him as her partner to the wedding and the rehearsal dinner. Fiance and I don’t want him there, why would we when he isn’t in my mums life anymore.
Mum says they are still friends and it has been her dream to have a partner at my wedding (I’m an only child if that makes any difference).I think she doesn’t want to “lose face” by going solo.
On one hand I understand her side but we are only having 40 guests so we only want people we care about there. He will show up in group photos and I don’t want to look back and think “that’s my Mum’s ex”. And besides, she had her wedding once, now it’s my turn.
So hive, do I put my feelings aside and let her to bring him or should I stand my ground?
Post # 3
I was in a similar situation, not with my mom but with my now-SIL. She wanted to bring some random guy rather than come alone. Like you, my wedding was small, 32 guests. I insisted that she would be fine with her family with no date.
In my case I couldn’t make the final call because my husband said we should include him. I was polite, but unhappy that he was there.
This is a really tough decision. You seem to understand that your mom wants a partner, and if they truly will stay friends (you may know how likely this is, or isn’t) then chances are you may see him in the future. I don’t have a good answer because I can really see your point, but it may not be worth the fight and potentially making your mom feel worthless and alone.
For what it’s worth, one bit of advice if he does come and you’re having a photographer: make sure to get plenty of pics of your mom with you & other guests without her date. I’m not including any pics of my SIL’s date in my album, and that’s kind of limiting the amount of photos of her I’m including. I’d be brokenhearted if I felt like I couldn’t include pics of my mom because of who she was standing next to.
Post # 4
its a big family function and she doesnt want to seem like the dateless one…. do people ever grow out of highschool i wonder???
anyways – i would let him come but i would tell your mum that he isnt to be in any of the family pics
Post # 5
Doesn’t she have family there she can hang out with?! If she’s that worried about being alone at her own daughter’s wedding, let her bring him, but DO NOT let him be in any pictures. WHo knows, maybe they are offically broken up but still cordial and may get back together. My aunt just “had” to bring her flavor of the month but it was ok because it meant she had someone to hang out with besides my parents.
Post # 6
I know how it feels to be forced to invite someone to your wedding who you do not want there. It just feels incredible selfish and imposing, how childish to NEED a date to your own daughter’s wedding. However, if she is contributing money, or the type of person who can’t just suck things up, you might have to allow it. Be comforted knowing that even in a tiny wedding you are barely going to notice him, you will be entirely too caught up in your husband and the people you love.
As for the pictures, I would be honest with your mother. Say this makes you uncomfortable having him included in pictures and you expect her to be responsible for tactfully explaining that to him. She should be able to, after a long term relationship. He will either understand, and cooperate or be offended.. in which case who cares, he won’t be in your life anyway.
Post # 7
I’d let her bring him but make sure the photographer is in the know about this and that he does not include the xbf in any pics.
My mom is also acting wierd with a bf right now (post midlife crisis imho) and I know how utterly confusing it can be at times. Hugs to you big time!
Post # 8
I agree with Bellenga, let him come, but nooo pics. They might get back together soon anyway.
Post # 9
Yea, my mom and her bf (can we have a roll eyes face please so I can insert my sarcasm?) are breaking up every so often and I can’t keep up with it.
More drama than the bachelorette goin’ on with her!
Post # 10
Thanks for your help ladies. I talked to Fiance and we agreed it’s not worth the fight. It means more to her to have him there than for us to not have him there.
I’ve asked he doesn’t jump into the photo’s and she agreed except "maybe one of them together for memories". What is it with guests thinking you hired a photographer for them personally lol (MIL already requested photo’s just of her and her sisters), but that’s another post.
Post # 11
Or you could have the photog take that “memory” shot of them (give it to them) and not put it in the album!
Post # 12
So funny everybody is in agreement with the pics — wish someone had told me that before my wedding! I knew I didn’t want him in photos, but I didn’t realize that I would only have 2 of SIL without him.
Good luck MrsBradtobe!