Post # 1
Ever since I told my mum I was getting married in the US (We live in the UK and always wanted to marry in NY) she’s been driving me mad. She is annoyed that her sisters probably wont be able to afford to go (Although at least one certainly could) and she “doesnt see why she should bother as she wont know anyone there.” She will, she’s just being a drama queen.
She keeps emailing me link to weddings at local hotels (beyond tacky and not me at all) and shows absolutely no interest in any information I give her. A good example of this is when I told her about the priest I’d found she said “you may as well do it yourself, have the wedding without the whole legal committment thing” WTF!?!
I’ve been with my fiance for nearly 10 years and his parents are fantasic. They have offered to put some money in, my parents havent officially yet, but my fiance and I will be paying about 98% of the whole thing.
I don’t want to fall out with her and told her a few weeks ago how upset I was that she wasn’t being at all supportive but that conversation appears to have gone in one ear and out of the other. I find it very difficult to confront her as whilst I argue for a living (I’m a lawyer) she’s the only person who can really reduce me to pieces.
All I want is for her to accept that this is what I’m doing, it’s my wedding, I’m paying for it so she needs to suck it up and deal with it. (Sorry to mix my metaphors). It dawned on me last night it would be so much easier if she wasn’t invited, but that really isn’t the answer.
Has anyone else had anything like this; did it have a happy ending?
Post # 3
I agree with you. However, is there any way you could have another get-together afterward, in the UK, for people who could not make the wedding?
Post # 4
I suggested that, reply was “There’s no point.” Its horrid as I’m totally over the moon about the engagement and am really, really looking forward to the big day, but feel utterly miserable because of this. I don’t know why she’s being such a cow. She has no issues with my fiance and can easily afford to attend. I think she’s just being selfish and wanted my wedding to be a party for her and her friends, not us and ours.
Thanks for the reply. Whilst my fiance is super supportive, I don’t want to bitch about my mum to him as it might sour an already fragile situation.
Post # 5
Is your fiance American?
I think your mum will come round to the idea but you’ll need to give her some time, and if she doesn’t you may need to spell it out to her in no uncertain terms as she may not realize what kind of effect her behaviour is having. I wouldn’t bring up the fact that they haven’t contributed any money as she might take it the wrong way, but even if she does offer money I wouldn’t accept it because if you take her money you’ll be obliged to listen to her input.
You know, weddings often are big family affairs and maybe she is disappointed that isn’t happening. Maybe she was looking forward to being the mother of the bride and having a special role in front of all her friends and family. Perhaps she’s even feeling resentful that you’ve “taken that away” from her? I’m not taking her side, I’m just thinking she might have been looking forward to your wedding almost as much as you have been. She will need to deal with the fact that it isn’t her wedding but it might take her some time to come round to it…
Post # 6
My fiance isn’t American. We visited NY December just gone, and he proposed whilst we were there. We plan to get married where we went on Christmas Day. The great irony of this is, she always told me to ‘elope’.
@The Unsuspecting Bride, you’re spot on. She has a very big personality and would love the chance to be the hostess with the mostess. She keeps going on about the budget (About $30K) and how it’s far too much. I can’t live my life for her, but she really is one of the most important people in my life. It’s my dad’s birthday tomorrow, so I have to go over. I need to sort this out with her, so fingers crossed!