Post # 1
I got enagged to the man of my dreams 3 months ago and since then have been making some rough wedding plans.
When I was 12 my mum made me promise that I would get married in the same church that she did, I said ok but given i had nio idea about weddigns etc at that point i didn’t really put much thought into it.
So after I got engaged I went to my parents house to show off the ring and my story and we both said to her that we were going to look for other places to hold the wedding as we feel that church is old, small, dirty, dingy and in a horrible location, initially she wasn’t very happy about that.
Since then we have found out that UK weddings are astronomically priced so started looking abroad, and when she found that out she then really wasn’t interested at all.
The first thing she said when I said we are having the wedding abroad is “What about the dog, who is going to look after her” that really really hurt me cos it seems like she cares more about the dog than her first born daughter getting married. Also at home life she shows the more affection and attention to the dog than everyone else combined. I was so close to saying fine, stay at home with the dog, I dont want you to come!
Since then she ignores me all the time, and if we do start talking she just turns it into an argument.
Why can’t my mum be happy for me to do my wedding how I want it, not exactly as she had hers?
Post # 2
Ah, Mum’s can be tough like that, and the majority I find do love a Big Family Wedding, having one abroad means she doesn’t get to show you off to everyone she knows and catch up with Great Aunt Mabel who she hasn’t seen since the last Big Family Wedding! So she may well have been thinking about that and just blurted out the dog thing. Mine would do something similar.
I agree that UK weddings CAN be expensive, but they don’t have to be, there are ways to do it without spending a fortune.
Perhaps you could explain all your reasons to your Mum and get her onside. Mine just wanted to be involved, she had been looking forward to this time since I gave up dolls. It was as much our family’s day as it was ours.
Post # 3
Believe me if you knew her she deffinately doesnt want a big party to catch up with people, she hates social situations, which thinking about it, going abroad would be much better cos then there will be less people for her to talk to etc. She wants to control me and will only be happy for me if I do things her way.
We have both tried to sit her down and talk through costs and ideas but she wont have any of it.
She is acting so childish about it and im so close to not even caring if she doesnt come!
Post # 4
I couldn’t get married abroad because FI’s mum wouldn’t leave her dogs behind, so I get how you feel with that! Especially considering wedding prices here in the UK are crazy.
Honestly I would just enjoy planning with your FI – keep your mum in the loop, send her emails when you have chosen stuff but just don’t try anymore to actively involve her, asking opinions etc. Email is usually a safe form of contact for this 😉
It’s a special time for you and FI, and you guys should focus on what you want, not what others want. Again, similarly, FI’s mum wanted us to get married in the church where she got married, but I didn’t want that as I don’t have any connections at all with where they live. It wasn’t easy, but she is getting over it now!
Post # 5
Your mom has been thinking about your wedding since you were 12 years old. She has been thinking of this day much longer than you have. Yes, she could be a lot more gracious and mature, but mothers have hopes and dreams for their daughters. You are doing something radically different than what she planned, and her reaction isn’t because she “isn’t happy” for you. Calling her special church “old, small, dirty, dingy” is very harsh and I hope you didn’t use those words in front of the woman who birthed you.
A perfect mother would put on a smile, swallow her sadness, and loudly support you, but nobody is perfect.
Post # 6
No we didnt use those words, but this is a picture of the church, so I think you will agree our thoughs are just, it looks more like a prison than a church:
Post # 7
Im not expecting her to be the perfect mum, I just want her to be happy for my choice and understand its mine and my fiance’s day so we should do it how we want not how she wants. But she just dismisses talking to me about it whenevr the subject comes up. And then she is mad at me for talking to my fiance’s mum about the wedding, but what does she expect if she’s not willing to talk to me about it 🙁