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I also have the dilemma of the name change, except for in my case, my fiance doesn't act at all disappointed and has said any decision I will make is fine.
I am attached to my name, my family indentifies strongly with being a "MyLast" ... His surname is really dying out, he is not in contact with the extended family from that side, and his sister and mom have both recently married and changed their names.
Also his name is easily mispelled, and people like to repeat it back ion disbelief, my last name is easy to spell.
i want our family to all share a name, and he is unwilling to change to mine.
It will be long, but I am strongly considering hyphenating, and I have asked him to take my last name as his middle name (which he is not super willing to do, but hasn't outright said no yet) ... I intend to give our children the hyphenated name if I chose to hyphenate mine!
im keeping my maiden name as my middle name and taking his last name for a couple reasons:
1. ive been in my industry for years with my maiden, so i already hyphenate my married name on my business cards, just so people get use to it. after the wedding, i'll drop the hyph and use his last name
2. my middle name is nichole. boring.
3. my last name rocks. claire demauier (pronounced De Moi-ey) very french. i love it. its awesome.
4. i dont feel like signing my super long and totally easily misspelled last name every time i write my name down. Claire Demauier Darling. it works, i like it. i can use my whole name including my maiden, or not. i like having the option. Im also considering using my last name for a son or a middle name for a child.
I'm changing mine although I'm not 100% about it - only because being a teaching I'm going to be hearing "Mrs His Last Name" about a bajillion times a day! And his mum is a principal and I've worked at her school so I associate the name "Mrs His Last Name" with his mum - makes me feel a bit weird. But I don't really want to keep my last name cos my dad and I aren't all that great and his family are.... well, nothing that you'd particularly want to sign up for if you had the choice LOL!
I'm going to change my name, but mostly because I just hate my current last name (well, that and I want us to have one name. FH sometimes jokes about me changing my last name to his, and him changing his last name to mine - in return I just give him a horrified look). When I was little, I was called C "My Gay Hand" or "My Gay Ham" (depending on who says it, that's what it sounds liked...I never really got the "ham" thing though).
However, it will not be an easy change, by any means. M has one of those last names where you pronounce ever single letter, but people always mess it up. I think it's cause it starts with Dz, and folks get confused? (So when people ask him how he says his name, he always says, "Matthew" lol) I like his last name, it's very unusual and what have you, and frankly, I'm tired of being a Mc.
You have explained your reasoning really well...but has he explained why you not changing your name makes him upset? Perhaps the thought of you not taking his name never even crossed his mind, and he was more shocked than upset. Maybe if you can address his concerns in other ways, he will feel more comfortable with the idea, and you will feel more confident in your decision. Which, I fully disclose, the super-feminist in me loves! Stay strong!
We're hyphanating. Yep, both of us (I think that was the conclusion we came to over funnel cakes). Would he not even consider hyphanating but keeping his name professionally? I think he's being kind of selfish.
i can see where you're coming from.
i already have a hyphenated name, but i'm more 'attached' to one of them. i feel a large part of who i am is associated with that family, the history, and the people.
that being said, i love my FI, and i know it means a lot to him for me to have his name, so i will be changing stuff over. then again, my decision is probably easier because my legal name is NOT the one i go by. (it's confusing :P)
best of luck though!
I'm with KMSkull, he sounds like he's being selfish by being upset by you not taking his name, yet he's not even considering taking your name at all. That's very one-sided, in my opinion, but maybe I'm partial because Mr. Rainbow and I are both hyphenating.
i havent changed my name and to be honest it really hasnt made a difference at all. really, except for emails how many of us use our surname on a daily basis (ie addressed as Miss/Ms/Mrs/Dr surname)
i will say that i have taken advantage of hubbys surname with junk mail - anything that comes in with my name/his surname is junk mail and goes into the bin
hubby wasnt 100% jumping for joy thrilled about me not changing my name but he too understands in the scope of daily life its not a big deal. people still send us invites Mr & Mrs his surname or introduce him as Me his surname and it not a big deal - sometimes i correct people, sometimes i dont
I'm leaning towards hyphenating my name but just continuing to use my madien name professionally and his name personally. But, I wonder if this will make me feel like I have a split personality! :) Dr M by day. Mrs P by night?
I dont have any problem changing my last name.. even though I really like my last name but it would sound soo horrible if i leave my last name as my middle name.. I have a very Russian name and its just wont click with my name, my last name as my middle name and his last name.. i'll give a break to all those people that have to deal with me.. it will be a tongue twister ;)
I'm not going to change my name. The boy is fine wih it, thank goodness.
I'm changing my name, but we're both relatively young (25) so I don't have much of a professional reputation with. FI is fairly traditional about that kind of thing, so I think he would have reacted the same - he would leave the choice up to me, but be a little upset about it.
I feel like it's very simple. Is he willing to change his name? No. Then why the h**l should you have to change yours? End of story. I don't really see how anyone could rebut that. I think it sucks that women have to feel all torn up about it.
Also, keep in mind that women don't change their names in all areas of the world so maybe it's not as "traditional" as some people say.
@Claire - I'm officially jealous of your name. That's pretty much the best name ever, including your "married" name.
I'm changing mine, but I thought long and hard about it. I'm doing it more because of what it symbolizes to me, but to be honest, if I had really hated R's last name I wouldn't have.
FSIL got stuck with the.worst.married.name.ever. I don't want to say it on here, but let's put it this way: not only does her married last name sound hillbilly-esque to begin with, her first name starts with the same letter, so it's an odd alliteration, and her middle name is May. It just makes for a doozy of a name.
My aunt dropped her first name & used her maiden name as her first name. It is really strange calling her Aunt Ingram. Doesn't flow does it?
I know it's going to be a pain in the butt but I can't wait to change my name. I hate that our checks and mortgage statements have two last names. Oh, and I really want my stepsons's emergency contact sheet for school to have one last name only. I'm not just his dad's girlfriend, I'm his stepmom! I'm a nut, I know.
It is 2010. Let him simmer, but he will get over it.
I'm not chaning my name. Wasn't even a discussion. I understand that it is still common, and I have no feeling about other people's choices, but...*shudder*. It just doesn't at all seem relevant to the type of marriage I want to have.
@monitajb - "doesn't seem relevant to the type of marriage I want to have" - I like that. That makes sense to me.
I'm adding my maiden name as a second middle name, because it's an English boy's name, and I've always thought girls with straight-up dude names are awesome.
But my first name rhymes with his last name.
Caitlin Trevathan.
I'll be Julia Goolia IRL.
I'm changing to HisLast legally but I have the option of keeping my maiden name in my profession so I'll most likely do that. It'll mean that I change bank accounts and legal things but I can keep my current email and various bits and bobs.
We've been married 2 months and I'm still up in the air on what to do. I go back and forth between wanting to change and keeping my last name but I've been okay about changing it for a week now so hopefully that will continue as I know it means a lot to DH to share the same last name. I even looked up what I needed to do today and what forms to print out to make it so. We did discuss him taking my last name but my dad wasn't so happy about it: "Taking his name is just what you do."
I'm the same with you on one and two. It ends with me and I don't feel welcomed to the family by any means because of my MIL. I shudder thinking about having the same last name as MIL, honestly. I imagine her saying in a devious tone "You're a Smith now. You go by our rules." Oh wait, she doesn't talk to me. I decided I would make my decision on how she was at our wedding but she wasn't so nice. The ONE reason I want to change my name is because this isn't about her (or your FIL), it's about you as a couple, as husband and wife. And when I think of that, it makes me happy.
I'll be taking his name because it is much less common, and has a rich history and I love it! My family's name also has a rich history but I have many male cousins and they have had sons as well, so I know it will continue to be a strong name. The boy said he would take my last name if it meant keeping the family legacy going... which I thought was ultra sweet. Also, I think it will be sooo much easier when we have the same last name. Buying a home together was kind of awkward without being married.. I guess this part of Ohio is just slooooow. :)
I'm changing mine. It was simply a non-issue for me. I don't have any professional ties to my own last name and to be honest I'd rather be a McIntire than a Farmer lol Plus, since I'm living in his hometown and not mine, his has more pull. Especially since his dad is very big in this area. If I had an attachment I'm sure he would have let me keep it and not raised a fuss because he doesn't care either
I will move my last name to my middle name and take his last name. I do not want to have a different last name than my children.
I'm still up in the air about this. I really, really, really love my last name. It's an awesome last name. And yes, it's super common in the country it originated but in the U.S. not so much. People refer to my by my last name --I love it. I know I could always make it my middle name but honestly who goes by their full name? I could hyphenate but it would be a mouthful (my last name is 9 letters and 4 syllables and FI's is not quite as long but 3 syllables and both are very ethnic sounding names and not the same ethnicity). It would be crazy (super Japanese name with super Italian name). Don't think it would flow too well hyphenated. FI is an only child with no male cousins on his father's side so he is the last person in his family to carry on his name so I feel like we should have our children have his last name and I do want to have the same last name as my children but I still am on the fence about it. Oh well, I have some time.
I'm changing mine. I am keeping my middle name (as are all my siblings. we have the same middle name, and are very close, and this is a way to stay together!), and taking his last name. I will miss my last name, as my family also identifies strongly with being a "LastName". But it's important to me to take his name, because we are starting our own family. Plus...my name is going to be awesome- Michelle Bell. How great is that?? ;)
Sigh.
I'm changing mine.
It's 25% "I'm not close with my dad" and 75% unfortunate last name.
I'm super excited to become a (God of fire)(what fire does) - it's still a pretty rare last name, but not nearly as tacky as "(Random sewing noun)man".
On the upside, though, had I stayed with my ex, it would have been the "(Random sewing noun)man/(Type of seafood)man" wedding.
...
Yeah.
(Like how I did that?)
When this topic came up with me and FI and I said that I was going to take his last name, he basically breathed a huge sigh of relief (his actual response was "Thank G-D!" 
) When I inquired further as to why he was so relieved and happy I was going to change my name, he said that he was really old fashioned with a lot of the things he does and he really believes that it's just how things should be. He said he wants to be the "provider" for the family because otherwise he won't feel like he's fulfilling his job as a man/husband/father. I'm ok with that because he has that kind of a personality (I'll financially be making twice as much as him once I graduate school) and just wants to protect the people he loves. He doesn't in any way make me feel like less of a person or keep me from following my dreams, and I'm not particularly tied to my last name so I felt that that was something I just wanted to do.
The only problem I foresee will be when I graduate. I will get a license in the medical field in my maiden name since we won't be married by then and I hear it's a real pain to get that changed.
Maybe it's possible that he feels like my FI does about tradition. Either way I think you both definitely need to discuss why it's so important to him to have you take his name. And if you still feel that you want to keep your name, I think that's ultimately your prerogative.
Power-crane sounds cool like a karate style. Haha. At least if you have a son, he'll like it!
i changed my name to his and it was a major pain in the you know what...It has been very tough adjusting because i went from having a very unique last name to an extremely common last name. My husband felt very strongly about my last name and hyphenating it would not have sounded right at all. I love my husband and I'm proud to take his name, but it's an adjustment going from probably the only person in the world with my first/last name to being one of thousands!!
Why do women feel all this pressure to change their name? He's not changing his, why do you have to change yours? I don't even think I'd be with someone who expected that. I'm sure your FI is great and all, but it's your name, and you have great reasons to not changing it, and it's good he respects that.
I am still on the fence about this. I like my first name and last name together, and I like our names hyphenated. But at times, I really like the idea of taking his last name.
Also, for what its worth, I think Power-Crane is pretty awesome.
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Hi ladies
My first post in the Name section, FH and I had the name change talk last night.
I voice my concern as I really dont want to change my last name, I would like to keep it. My FH was very offended by this( Im talking about 10 minutes of silence) .. he was like why dont you want to change?
I approached this very carefully as I had a few reasons and even tho FH doesnt raise his voice very often I felt that the reason could warrant an arguement.
My reasons were:
He was fine about my reasons.. but still upset. Told it was my choice to make and that he wouldnt be changing his name to mine (which i understand) So after that talk... Im still no wiser in my decision.
Has anyone had the same dilema?