Post # 1
My first post in the Name section, FH and I had the name change talk last night.
I voice my concern as I really dont want to change my last name, I would like to keep it. My FH was very offended by this( Im talking about 10 minutes of silence) .. he was like why dont you want to change?
I approached this very carefully as I had a few reasons and even tho FH doesnt raise his voice very often I felt that the reason could warrant an arguement.
My reasons were:
- Im one of the last of my family name
- His father has not been very welcoming of our relationship and has been really rude and had me bawling a few times and I just felt it wrong to be part of the family in taking the name?? (i was extremely diplomatic when i said this reason and FH said he understood, he wasnt offended by my reasoning)
- and I didnt want the hassle of changing documents.
- also if i kept my surname of power and we added his a hyphenate power-crane, crane power it doesnt really go!
He was fine about my reasons.. but still upset. Told it was my choice to make and that he wouldnt be changing his name to mine (which i understand) So after that talk… Im still no wiser in my decision.
Has anyone had the same dilema?
Post # 3
I also have the dilemma of the name change, except for in my case, my fiance doesn’t act at all disappointed and has said any decision I will make is fine.
I am attached to my name, my family indentifies strongly with being a “MyLast” … His surname is really dying out, he is not in contact with the extended family from that side, and his sister and mom have both recently married and changed their names.
Also his name is easily mispelled, and people like to repeat it back ion disbelief, my last name is easy to spell.
i want our family to all share a name, and he is unwilling to change to mine.
It will be long, but I am strongly considering hyphenating, and I have asked him to take my last name as his middle name (which he is not super willing to do, but hasn’t outright said no yet) … I intend to give our children the hyphenated name if I chose to hyphenate mine!
Post # 4
im keeping my maiden name as my middle name and taking his last name for a couple reasons:
1. ive been in my industry for years with my maiden, so i already hyphenate my married name on my business cards, just so people get use to it. after the wedding, i’ll drop the hyph and use his last name
2. my middle name is nichole. boring.
3. my last name rocks. claire demauier (pronounced De Moi-ey) very french. i love it. its awesome.
4. i dont feel like signing my super long and totally easily misspelled last name every time i write my name down. Claire Demauier Darling. it works, i like it. i can use my whole name including my maiden, or not. i like having the option. Im also considering using my last name for a son or a middle name for a child.
Post # 5
I’m changing mine although I’m not 100% about it – only because being a teaching I’m going to be hearing “Mrs His Last Name” about a bajillion times a day! And his mum is a principal and I’ve worked at her school so I associate the name “Mrs His Last Name” with his mum – makes me feel a bit weird. But I don’t really want to keep my last name cos my dad and I aren’t all that great and his family are…. well, nothing that you’d particularly want to sign up for if you had the choice LOL!
Post # 6
I’m going to change my name, but mostly because I just hate my current last name (well, that and I want us to have one name. FH sometimes jokes about me changing my last name to his, and him changing his last name to mine – in return I just give him a horrified look). When I was little, I was called C “My Gay Hand” or “My Gay Ham” (depending on who says it, that’s what it sounds liked…I never really got the “ham” thing though).
However, it will not be an easy change, by any means. M has one of those last names where you pronounce ever single letter, but people always mess it up. I think it’s cause it starts with Dz, and folks get confused? (So when people ask him how he says his name, he always says, “Matthew” lol) I like his last name, it’s very unusual and what have you, and frankly, I’m tired of being a Mc.
Post # 7
You have explained your reasoning really well…but has he explained why you not changing your name makes him upset? Perhaps the thought of you not taking his name never even crossed his mind, and he was more shocked than upset. Maybe if you can address his concerns in other ways, he will feel more comfortable with the idea, and you will feel more confident in your decision. Which, I fully disclose, the super-feminist in me loves! Stay strong!
Post # 8
We’re hyphanating. Yep, both of us (I think that was the conclusion we came to over funnel cakes). Would he not even consider hyphanating but keeping his name professionally? I think he’s being kind of selfish.
Post # 9
i can see where you’re coming from.
i already have a hyphenated name, but i’m more ‘attached’ to one of them. i feel a large part of who i am is associated with that family, the history, and the people.
that being said, i love my FI, and i know it means a lot to him for me to have his name, so i will be changing stuff over. then again, my decision is probably easier because my legal name is NOT the one i go by. (it’s confusing :P)
best of luck though!
Post # 10
- Wedding: May 2010 - Philippe Park
I’m with KMSkull, he sounds like he’s being selfish by being upset by you not taking his name, yet he’s not even considering taking your name at all. That’s very one-sided, in my opinion, but maybe I’m partial because Mr. Rainbow and I are both hyphenating.
Post # 11
i havent changed my name and to be honest it really hasnt made a difference at all. really, except for emails how many of us use our surname on a daily basis (ie addressed as Miss/Ms/Mrs/Dr surname)
i will say that i have taken advantage of hubbys surname with junk mail – anything that comes in with my name/his surname is junk mail and goes into the bin
hubby wasnt 100% jumping for joy thrilled about me not changing my name but he too understands in the scope of daily life its not a big deal. people still send us invites Mr & Mrs his surname or introduce him as Me his surname and it not a big deal – sometimes i correct people, sometimes i dont
Post # 12
I’m leaning towards hyphenating my name but just continuing to use my madien name professionally and his name personally. But, I wonder if this will make me feel like I have a split personality! 🙂 Dr M by day. Mrs P by night?
Post # 13
I dont have any problem changing my last name.. even though I really like my last name but it would sound soo horrible if i leave my last name as my middle name.. I have a very Russian name and its just wont click with my name, my last name as my middle name and his last name.. i’ll give a break to all those people that have to deal with me.. it will be a tongue twister 😉
Post # 14
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
I’m not going to change my name. The boy is fine wih it, thank goodness.
Post # 15
I’m changing my name, but we’re both relatively young (25) so I don’t have much of a professional reputation with. FI is fairly traditional about that kind of thing, so I think he would have reacted the same – he would leave the choice up to me, but be a little upset about it.
Post # 16
I feel like it’s very simple. Is he willing to change his name? No. Then why the h**l should you have to change yours? End of story. I don’t really see how anyone could rebut that. I think it sucks that women have to feel all torn up about it.
Also, keep in mind that women don’t change their names in all areas of the world so maybe it’s not as “traditional” as some people say.