Weddingbee boards

Ok bees.....I need some serious help!

My husband, Jeff has fallen into a depressive state. It's not full blow depression yet, but it could lead to that. This issue is kinda personal. It has to do with his male preformance in the bedroom. He didn't get off the other day and he just went into a depressive state. I reassured him that it was alright and that we could try again. It was not a huge deal for me. Still, nothing has worked. I've tried laughter, tickles, and even pulled pranks! (which I don't do!) He's been using some OTC male enhancement pills which have worked great but now they are giving him a headache. After the other day, he jumped on the phone and started calling places where he could have a Vasectomy (that's a whole different story) he found a place and we go in a few weeks for a consultation. I'm worried once he has this done, his preformance may or may not improve. I hope it improves! Otherwise, he'll stay in a depression all the time.

He kept saying he was worthless and that if I wanted to leave him, I could without harsh feelings. I don't want to leave my husband! I wouldn't have married him if I was just going to leave him! I married him and we are in this till death!

I've let this issue run its course. We are sleeping in the same bed, staying in the same rooms, but I can tell he's just not himself. I don't want to say "honey we are going to talk to professonal about this" b/c I know he might not go or get angry with me and that will just make it worse.

Please, if anyone can help...I'd appricate it!

Is this the first time he has not been able to "get off"?  Often, sexual disfunction can be exaserbated by depression.  Its possible that he did not fall into a depressive state after a bad night in bed but that he has been struggling with his mental health for some time.  Getting a vasectamy may be a little extreme if the problem is new. 

He cannot go to counceling if he is not willing, but I would bring it up as a possiblity.  I talked to my FI about going to therapy for a year before he was ready to try it.  He was struggling with childhood trauma, depression and anxiety.  Almost 2 years later he has done a lot of amazing work with his therapist and is a healthier, happier person. 

If your FI is depressed, for any reason, he really should explore his options before physically altering his body.  Sexual disfunction is something a lot of people deal with and while he may be embarrased, he needs to talk to a medical professional if it is causing him emotional pain.  Good Luck!

Rosiebear--I've only seen this happen one other time the whole time I've known him.

EvaBostonTerrier I looked at the link you posted. He said himself he wasn't going to take anymore of the pills he had. We've talked about the him having a Vasectomy since we started dating. We both knew we didn't want children. He's been putting it off and waiting for us to get married so he could add me to his Insurance. I myself am looking at going on the pill so I won't have as many periods! 

Hello go4me-  if your husband internally fears getting you pregnant, it may be ou may affecting his performance and a vasectomy is not a bad idea.  If you are young... you may want to make sure it's done by a doctor who is familiar with reversals too-  as a couple, we know a lot of people who have changed their minds later in life.  But for now- it sounds as though this is a very serious issue for you guys.  On another note-  I will tell you that many of my friends have told me that the root of some of their own issues was "burn out" from their husband's porn habit.  It wouldn't seem that it would work like that- but the guys stimulate themselves so much through fantasy that reality just doesn't do anything for them anymore.  Almost like a heroin addiction-  not saying that's a factor with you guys.  Obviously, this is very important for both of you, and I hope you find a resolution soon.  Make sure the problem isn't related to a different health situation.

To everyone who posted an answer to my topic.

Yesterday, My husband calls me at home and says "Honey, call the doctor, I feel like crap." So, I do. I assumed he meant a cold or something else. Finally, he sees the doc..with news we both didn't expect. It's a lot and some of it is a no brainer. Quitting smoking....But what really got me was this sort of stuff...Stress test, Sleep Apnia test, Good/Bad Cholestrol...etc... and that's all BEFORE his consutation with the doc about the Vasectomy! It looks like we are going to be spending a lot of time at the doctor's and many days from work off. He looks at me and says "I'm falling apart, you sure you just don't want to divorice me now." I couldn't believe the statment! "Heck no!!!!!!!" I said. Divorice isn't an option for me. I wouldn't do it! I married Jeff for life.

Thanks to everyone for advice on this topic!

EvaBostonTerrier Thank you! I'm glad he decided to head to the doctor. He hates going there, as do I. The doc gave him a batch of pills (7 to be excat) and I've already seen the difference in him! His smaile came back, the laughter came back, his kisses are stronger! Everything has come back! I'm so happy.