(Closed) My New Husband Is In a Depressive State! (kinda personal)

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Is this the first time he has not been able to “get off”?  Often, sexual disfunction can be exaserbated by depression.  Its possible that he did not fall into a depressive state after a bad night in bed but that he has been struggling with his mental health for some time.  Getting a vasectamy may be a little extreme if the problem is new. 

He cannot go to counceling if he is not willing, but I would bring it up as a possiblity.  I talked to my FI about going to therapy for a year before he was ready to try it.  He was struggling with childhood trauma, depression and anxiety.  Almost 2 years later he has done a lot of amazing work with his therapist and is a healthier, happier person. 

If your FI is depressed, for any reason, he really should explore his options before physically altering his body.  Sexual disfunction is something a lot of people deal with and while he may be embarrased, he needs to talk to a medical professional if it is causing him emotional pain.  Good Luck!

Post # 4
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

This probably isn’t the advise you’re looking for, but I would strongly recommend that he consider not using the OTC enhancement pills anymore (any kind).  Basically there is no guarantee that what the bottle claims to contain is actually in the bottle (it also may contain significantly more or less of some products or none at all and sometimes it contains products that aren’t listed on the label!)  Basically these OTC products can interact with any prescription medications that he may be taking.  Also, the safety of some of the ingredients can be a concern (especially if it has ingredients that you don’t even know are in it!)  If he is really having a problem in bed (things not working once in a while is probably fairly normal), he should check with a physician.  It could indicate that there is something else going on.

Maybe look at this website:

http://www.netwellness.org/healthtopics/impotence/debunkingmyths.cfm

Post # 6
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hello go4me-  if your husband internally fears getting you pregnant, it may be ou may affecting his performance and a vasectomy is not a bad idea.  If you are young… you may want to make sure it’s done by a doctor who is familiar with reversals too-  as a couple, we know a lot of people who have changed their minds later in life.  But for now- it sounds as though this is a very serious issue for you guys.  On another note-  I will tell you that many of my friends have told me that the root of some of their own issues was “burn out” from their husband’s porn habit.  It wouldn’t seem that it would work like that- but the guys stimulate themselves so much through fantasy that reality just doesn’t do anything for them anymore.  Almost like a heroin addiction-  not saying that’s a factor with you guys.  Obviously, this is very important for both of you, and I hope you find a resolution soon.  Make sure the problem isn’t related to a different health situation.

Post # 8
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m glad that he was willing to seek treatment!  I hope everything works out for the best!

Post # 10
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Glad this worked out for you. Even something as simple as taking a vitamin suppliment could effect a guy – so sometimes the solution to this problem is a very small change.

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