Post # 1
I’m a new bee, 33, never married. My boyfriend of 6 months is 37 and wants kids and marriage “someday”. I already decided that if we arent talking seriously about marriage after a year, I won’t wait around to see if I’m the one or not. I will get my eggs frozen to preserve my fertility. If you have younger eggs frozen, you have a 40-50% chance to conceive a child with each ivf cycle up until early 40s. Knowing I can relax about kids for another 10 years can keep me from feeling anxiety over not being engaged. My boyfriend thinks the money it will cost is highway robbery, but it’s easy to say when he can have a baby at almost any age!
This may sound manipulative, but I see it as taking control, feeling relaxed, and not putting pressure on my bf to propose. My mom thinks it’s being passive aggressive and putting guiltand pressure on my boyfriend. Bf is not happy with my choice either. He won’t really talk about it other than to say that 15 grand is expensive. I would have a baby with him next year instead, but not without a proposal.
He knows I don’t need a ring or a wedding to be married. So we could get married inexpensively,although we both want a honeymoon. If he thinks I’m the one, great. But if not, I won’t put whether or not I bear my own child in the hands of a man. I have been strung along in 2 previous relationships and it ate up most of my childbearing years.
My bf and I love each other. We are happy,established, and earn about 100 k a yearcombined.
Sorry for typos, iPad keyboard is the worst!
Post # 3
I say do what you want with your eggs and your money! Are you guys living together yet? Are your finances combined? If not, what you do with your money is up to you 😉
Post # 4
Personally, I think its a realistic way to keep your options open.
Post # 5
@Nurse_Bee: No, he knows I won’t play house. If he proposes, I will move in in a heartbeat. He’s a good guy. He’s buying a home now with 3 bedrooms, so it’s likely he wanwhat he same things as me. But he doesn’t know me enough to know I’m the one yet. He moves very slowly, proposed to his last gf after 4 years. They were both 35. Sorry, that’s a long time! She cheated so they broke up. Thanks for your reply!!
Post # 6
I say its the best way… i totally agree
Post # 7
I think you are being smart about it! Don’t listen to mom and do what right for you|!
Post # 8
I agree with the others! It sounds like the best way for your to keep your options open.
Post # 9
You’re not being manipulative at all. I think it was a very wise choice to freeze your eggs. I would have done the same thing myself when the time came for it.
Post # 10
I think it is very smart ot take charge of your life like this. I think egg freezing is still a new technology and less known than embryo freezing, but if you are set on having bio kids, it makes sense to do this. It is your best insurance. If your BF is not at a point to propose, that is totally ok. But it also means this is YOUR decision. Why don’t you set a time to do it in 6 months – and see if by then things have evolved with the BF?
Post # 11
It sounds like you’re being very smart about it! When are you planning on having your eggs frozen? If he knows when you’re planning on doing it, maybe it would help to speed up the conversations about marriage and a definite timeline for the wedding and TTC!
Post # 12
I was a little worried that this would be crazy town . . . but you’re being totally reasonable! It sounds like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders and freezing your eggs is very smart. It’s a pretty instense process, but I think the peace of mind alone would be worth it. Good luck and keep us posted! 🙂
Post # 13
It’s a very smart decision. Its the best way to improve your chances of having a baby.
Post # 14
Hmm… I can see how your BF might feel pressured by this because $15k is a LOT of money. He might feel like you’re sending a message to him like, “UGH, since you’re not ready for kids yet, I’m going to have to spend ALL of this money to make sure I can have a baby someday.” And he might feel like he’s being put in a position where he’s expected to say, “No wait, don’t do that! I want to have kids with you!”
Not saying you shouldn’t do it — as others said, it is good insurance to preserve the ability to do something very important to you. But I guess I hope that you’re not doing this hoping for him to talk you out of it, and/or would feel resentful of him for not being ready yet.
Post # 15
I don’t think it’s an ultimatium unless you are trying to use it as such. If you want to freeze your eggs then go for it. But having been with your BF for 6 months – that doesn’t seem like a lot of time to get to know someone.
Post # 16
Could you communicate with your boyfriend the statistical facts on fertility? Tell him that you love him, can’t imagine yourself with anyone else, and want to marry him one day, but if he doesn’t have intentions that match with yours then you are going to freeze your eggs because you can’t risk waiting for him to figure out what he wants. If he does want to get married then you won’t freeze your eggs.
I personally don’t think it takes that long to figure out if you could be with someone or not. Guys I feel use it as an excuse to not be tied down since society makes men look less manly when they get married, which isn’t that case at all. They are men in my eyes when they finally want a family.