Post # 1
I am wondering if I’m alone here, I really hope I’m not because it’s really starting to wear me thin and I really need some advice on the situation. One of my BMs was engaged prior to me being engaged and unfortunately that did not work out (as well as her next engagement). She also broke up recently with her boyfriend of 2.5 years. I do take all of this into consideration when it comes to wedding talk and her. I take great care not to over do it or shove any of it down her throat. Anywho, she has these little snide remarks that really turn me. For instance: I showed her my cake inspiration, she responds with…oh I would never do fondant, I don’t like fondant. I who happen to dislike tiaras asked her what her opinion was, she continues to say…I won’t allow you tobwear a tiara and I would never wear one to your wedding. Um..ok? When I bought my dress, she told me that I only chose it because of the designer and that I would change my mind. When I tried on a blusher she promptly stated that she hates them and thinks they take away from the dress. I tried to subtly explain that this is what I like and it’s my wedding but she is pretty relentless. She also happens to talk constantly about her relationship/ex and how she knows that he would buy her her dream car if they got married, and how she knows he is going to do big things that’s why it’s so hard to forget him, oh, and how she wants no less than a 5 ct. Ring, how she will not have any children at her wedding oh, and here’s the kicker, none of her friends are allowed to get pregnant before her wedding but she wants to have a nose job right before mine. I asked her if she was a bridezilla and she said no, but I am getting married and could never think the way she does. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a great girl and I love her but she’s really starting to piss me off. I told her last that I guess I can’t be in her wedding because I am not going to revolve my family and additions around her wedding. I just don’t know what else to do. I respond when she makes these comments but they continue. They actually make me want to exclude her! Please advise! 🙁
Post # 3
Wow, that stinks that she is not being very helpful. Sorry to hear that.
But as to advice, I would definitely refrain from talking to her about anything wedding-related. I know you said you try not to over-do it, but if she just broke up with her boyfriend, then it probably really still hurts to be reminded that she’s *not* getting married and you are. So don’t bring up *anything*
Do you have other friends that you can talk to about wedding related stuff?
Post # 4
90% of what I mentioned was before they broke up but I guess I see your point. My Moh lives in another state but I guess I could call her 🙂
Post # 5
Sounds to me like she’s not too interested in being a bridesmaid… who’s job is to be SUPPORT for the bride. If she can’t look past herself and be there for you, she has no business being in your wedding. Just sayin.
Post # 6
@erinleigh1: I agree!!! I feel like she is having a hard time looking past herself which I never expected! She is such a great kind loving girl and such a great friend that I have been blindsided and awestruck by her behavior. I don’t think she means to be malicious by any means but how much offensive actions do I have to put up with?? I am at a loss.
Post # 7
It sounds like she is very jealous of you and your wedding (which is understandable since hers didn’t work out) and is grasping at straws to make herself feel better. I’d just not really talk about the wedding at all with her. Make sure she has her dress, shoes and whatever else she needs to wear and be done with it.
Post # 8
So rude!! I don’t know how I would handle comments like that. Maybe she’s just jealous you’re getting married and she hasn’t. What she’s doing definitely isn’t right.
If you have others to talk to about wedding stuff, then I’d avoid talking to her about it as much as possible. I know that’s probably not what you want to do, but it may help prevent her from saying too much more.
I’ve been dealing with a little different situation. My FMIL has appeared to be very disinterested in all wedding stuff. I’d send her pictures of flowers or the photographer that I booked, and she wouldn’t respond at all. Nothing. It kept happening, so I just decided that I wasn’t going to send her anything else because I kept getting my feelings hurt. And while it stinks not to feel like I can show her things, it has definitely made me not get my feelings hurt as much.
So maybe if you just don’t say as much to her about wedding things, then maybe it’ll all stop and she won’t be making all these snide remarks.
I hope things get better!!
Post # 9
@bambeebliss: I’ve really tried to stay away from the J word… But if that’s the case do I just exclude her from wedding talk and that kinda stuff? Then what is the point of having her in the wedding at all?
Post # 10
@MrsNeutrino: I think she is probably just jealous that she is no longer getting married and you are. I can sort of feel for her. I know when my first love and I broke up he was all I could think about and talk about and I was so hurt when all my friends were getting married. I was happy for them but all my friends thought he and I would get married immediately.
Not sorry for how things turned out with him because I did eventually move on but it took a long time. Like I said first love and we were together from high school through college.
I would just not talk to her about these things. I hope you can find someone else who can be more help with your decision making and planning but I’m afraid it probably isn’t going to be her.
Post # 11
@MrsNeutrino:Yeah, sounds like she’s a little bitter for right now and doesn’t need to hear a lot of planning stuff right now– MAJOR BUMMER. But it sounds like she;ll still be a good friend to you in the future and she’s just going through a rough patch,
Can you lean on your other bridesmaids and the bee for a little while?
And don’t worry about her “no kids at my future-eventual wedding” thing until the time comes. She may change her mind a thousand times.
Post # 12
My MOH was funny about my wedding at first, except becuase she just got married and was feeling a bit down about her wedding (which I loved anyhow) it was a bit like she felt I was competeing with her, even though I had not even started the planning process yet. I gave it a couple of months and she came good 🙂
Give her sometime and I am sure things will get better, if she is usually a good friend it will be ok.
Post # 13
Thanks ladies, it’s Sooooo hard to not talk with your friend about something you are so excited about but I guess it will be for our own good. She must be bitter but she is also going about things the wrong way too. The thing that bothers me is that these comments do go beyond just wedding stuff. We went shopping the other day and we both tried on the same skirt and she says..wow makes you look like you actually have an ass. Um, what? I have a really high self-esteem so these comments just piss me off. She goes on to say that she hates my hair and wants me to cut it. WTF!? The person who is supposed to like my hair loves it, he also happens to love the way I look and also loves my body. This wedding is really bringing out the worst in her. When she got engaged a few years ago I was going through a really hard time in my life with my ex and my family. I was soooo happy for her, I couldn’t wait for her wedding. I loved that she was so happy. Why can’t she just extend the same courtesy to to me as her friend?
Post # 14
@MrsNeutrino: Is she seriously your friend? She sounds like a very spiteful person… I don’t think a friendship where the person is constantly putting you down is healthy… if it were me, I wouldn’t hesitate to exclude her from being in the bridal party. It’s sad, but if she wants to make an ass of herself, just let her. It’s her loss.