Post # 1
(Regular poster going anonymous for this one).
Let me preface this by saying that I am 100% happy for my brother and I am so glad he is able to finally be who he really is and be comfortable with that. I love him so much and all I ever want for him is to be happy.
Today, my DH is out of town so I went over to my brother’s house to see him and my sister, who was coming over later. I got there and everything was normal. We watched TV, played with the dog and talked about normal things. Then, he told me he wanted to tell me something really important and I had no idea what it was going to be. He said, “I told Mom and Dad a while back, but I wanted to tell you for a while that I’m gay. I’ve known my whole life but I’m finally ready to tell you.”
I immediately hugged him and told him I love him no matter what, but I can honestly say I had NO idea this was coming. I am so surprised and so in shock. My brother has dated girls ever since he was in middle school, and even had a few relationships that lasted several years and were pretty serious.
Has anyone else had someone really close to them come out and have it be a complete shock? I’ll say it again – I AM SO HAPPY FOR HIM! But on the flipside, I am having a really hard time trying to sort through my emotions since this is so new and so foreign to me.
Any advice? TIA.
Post # 3
I don’t really have any advice from a personal standpoint since I’ve never been in your shoes before (I saw it coming with my friends) but I thought I would throw an idea out there in the mix in case you hadn’t thought of it before. You might consider looking for a support group (either online or in person) for homosexuality or LGBT. There are a lot of family and friends in those types of groups who are probably feeling a lot of the same stuff you’re feeling right now, as well as homosexual people who might be able to tell you what kinds of things they would want their family members to say or do after they “came out” so you could get a lot of perspective that way. I’m so glad you’re happy for him! I’m sure in his mind the biggest obstacle is out of the way! 🙂 If you are close with him, it might be a good idea to talk to him about all the things you’re feeling too. It might make him feel better about the whole thing too and secure in the fact that you love him and are there for him no matter what. I totally get that it’s hard to wrap your mind around this new info since you weren’t expecting it at all, but you’ll get used to it in the end. 🙂 Just be glad you’re not having to work through any biases in addition to wrapping your head around the idea lol I bet your brother couldn’t be happier that you support him no matter what! xD
Post # 4
@AllTheGoodUsernamesAreTaken: That’s a good idea. I was actually thinking of something along the lines of “talking to someone” about this, whether it be a group, a forum, etc. Of course I run to Weddingbee first, though! Haha the good thing is that after he told me and the initial surprise died down a bit, he told me he wants me to ask him any questions I have ever since he wants me to be really comfortable with it. I started asking him about his journey of discovering this and how early he knew, when he decided to come out, etc. I then started asking him about guys! It seems like we actually have the same taste in men which is pretty funny.
I’m sure it will all be “normal” soon, but this is NOT how I pictured my Saturday going so I am just trying to wrap my head around everything 🙂
Post # 5
You should see if there is a PFLAG chapter near you.
It a group for parents, families and friends of lesbians and gays. They offer support groups that can help you sort through your emotions as they have all been in the same situation.
More than anything I’m sure that your brother just wanted to know that you love him for who he is. I’m sure he understands that it may take some time for everything to feel 100% normal, but as long as he knows he has your support that’s all that really matters.
Post # 6
@lybarra: Completely agree with you!
OP, it’s completely understandable and normal for you to feel the way you do because it seems it caught you by surprise. I am sure your brother knows but as long as you have acknowledged the situation and accept it then I think that’s what truly matters to him. I’m happy to hear you are happy for him and support him 🙂
Post # 7
@stillinshock: That’s so cute that you have the same taste in guys! 🙂 Maybe you can scope out guys together sometime. Check out that link lybarra posted and I’m sure with that, and some time things will get back to “normal” as you say.
Of course you ran to the bee first, I think that’s what most of the regular posters would have done! lol Glad to see you’re handling it well though, like I said I’m sure that’s the most important part. 🙂
Post # 8
I’m the Mom of a gay son. He is age 30 now. When he came out I wanted to learn all that I could so that I could understand. He was is college at the time so I went to visit him and I met his friends and he took me to the gay bars. I spent a lot of time talking to his friends and their biggest fear is that they would be rejected by their families and some were.
My son dated in high school too. I used to tease him about how much money I spent on prom flowers!!
You can PM me. I have walked the journey you are on now and I would be happy to talk to you.
Just love him.
Post # 10
Thank you all for your kind words and your advice on how to best sort through this. I support my brother no matter what and I love him for who he is – being gay won’t change that. If anything, I love him more now that I know the real him!
I guess part of my “confusion” with my emotions lies in the fact that I just got married last month in a religious ceremony. My family isn’t very religious, but I did have a church wedding that my brother was part of. I have these crazy feelings of guilt that I was able to have a religious (and legal) wedding to the man I love with the full support of everyone I know, and I don’t know if that will be the same for him down the road. He told me he wants a family, he wants to settle down, but we currently live in a state where gay marriage isn’t legal, just civil unions.
@Pamelor55: Thank you – I may be messaging you to ask you more questions. I want to make sure I say and do everything possible to let him know I’m there for him.
Post # 11
@stillinshock: I think it’s nice that you are worried about your brother in terms of his future marriage. I can tell you personally that I was beyond happy for my sister at her wedding, so happy I even wore a dress to be her maid of honor (I stopped wearing dresses once I got old enough to pick out my own clothes!). Now that I’m planning my own wedding in a state where it isn’t legal I’m proud to say that my sister is my biggest supporter and I love her so much for that. I will admit I’m not as sensitive as others, of course I wish I could marry legally but just because I can’t doesn’t mean that I’m not going to have the wedding of my dreams to the woman of my dreams.
Post # 12
@stillinshock: I’m gay (well, bisexual, but married to another woman). And if I’d been left out of my own sister’s wedding to spare my feelings, I would have been devastated! You have nothing to feel guilty about due to including him. All you can really do is to hope and work for the day when he will also be free to marry whomever he wants.
Post # 13
I just wanted to 2nd the PFLAG suggestion, it’s a great source of support. I go to meetings occasionally with a friend whose teen daughter is gay, and it’s really good for people to have a place to talk about their feelings!