Post # 1
Let me start by saying that I’ve never really been good with kids. I was the youngest in my entire family so I never spent time around a lot of children growing up, and I was a very bookish kid who didn’t go out and play as much as most. Generally I avoid children like the plague, because I’m so awful with them. I get that they’re innocent and I don’t ‘hate’ them, but normally I freeze up around them and don’t understand what they want from me. Whenever I’ve tried talking to/playing with kids in the past it always ends with them staring at me, confused, and me silently panicking because I must have done something wrong.
Having said that, I always figured it’d be different with my own kids. Me and FI agreed we’d have one, possibly two if it feels right (though not for about three years!). But I was always a little worried that I would never be good with kids and would be a horrible mother because of it. But over the past few weeks/months I’ve been spending more time with friends/family and their kids, and my opinions are starting to change. I don’t think they’re loud and irritating any more, and actually find them cute and endearing for the first time in my life. I’ve started playing with them properly and picking up more on what they want and what they’re saying to me. I’m still not great with them, but it’s more fun than before.
I was wondering if any other bees are like this? I don’t know if my opinions are changing or if it’s just that I’m growing up (I’m almost 22), but it seems weird that I was so uncomfortable with kids and recently it’s changing so that I don’t mind – and even kinda like – being around them. Did this happen to anyone else? Maybe you were CBC but over time started growing more comfortable with kids and ended up changing your mind? Was anyone else awful with kids and got better over time?
I’d love to hear from you!
Post # 2
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
You remind me of myself when I was your age. I was never the kind of girl that wanted to hold someone elses’s baby and play with children all the time. Two of my cousins were like that and sometimes I wondered if there was something wrong with me. Around a couple years before having my first baby (I was 27 when my daughter was born) I warmed up to children and started to feel I wanted to have my own. Through the years I’ve met other women that have felt the same.
Post # 3
HAH it’s funny that you write this. I knew I would eventually want kids, but for a long, long time I couldn’t really imagine myself with a baby. I thought I would be a good mother – but only with kids 12 and older. I’ve worked with a lot of kids that age and seem to best relate to teenagers (Weird, I know. It’s a gift, I guess). I didn’t know how to “talk” to babies and little ones. But right after I turned 25, it’s like a hormonal switch went off. I think I have baby fever now. I don’t know, I feel like my sense of self-consciousness around them was completely overcome by their awww factor. And it was sudden. Biology is no joke.
Post # 4
I can’t relate, but I wish I could.
Children are so frightening to me.
My husband and I will be married three years in October, and he is ready to start talking about it.
I’m freaking out!
Send some of your children loving vibes my way! lol
Very interested in what other bees have to say about changing their minds and children.
Post # 5
ZebraPrintMe: I know 2 people who insisted they’d never have kids who now have (and love) children. A third has kids, loves hers, but isn’t much of a fan of anyone else’s. I probably know more people who said they were going to be CBC and still are, and likely always will be. (We’re in our 30s now.) And some of the CBCers are great with kids (nephews, nieces, etc.) they just don’t want their town. It’s their choice.
No big deal. People change. And its totally your imperitive to change your mind either way.
I love kids. But I grew up working with kids. They stare, they’re weird, I often have no idea what they actually want unless they can verbalize it. The really little ones (3 and under) I usually catch and understand about 1/3 of what they say. I also think they’re hilarious. But its ok if other people don’t.
Post # 6
Well, I always wanted kids “someday”, just never felt ready. Never had the “I want a baby now” feelings. Then I discovered I was pregnant and very far along too. I did worry about bonding and about whether or not I was ready – now that I had to be – but I love my little girl deeply and couldn’t love her more even if I’d been TTC for years!
At 22 I definately didn’t feel ready so I think the fact that you are starting to feel ready is great. And that you’re in tune with how you feel about it. Best of luck.
Post # 7
marryinginmalta: I don’t feel ready in the slightest! I know I’m not mature enough to be responsible for a whole other human being, and I probably won’t be for a couple of years at least! But it is good to know I can deal with kids, at least sometimes. Thanks! 🙂
Post # 8
ZebraPrintMe: I know lots of wonen this happened to in their early to mid twenties. I would guess its a hormonal/age thing. But I think it being common is also why some people refuse to really believe CBC people. It happened to me and my friends and we would joke about punching ourselves in the ovaries to quiet them down and how horrified parents would be if we went and cooed at the babies like we wanted to whlie walking around after our drunk brunches. Obviously, we didn’t feel ready for kids at the time either.
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2013 - A court...
Yup! Though still not set on them but it used to be a “never” whereas now I’m leaning towards one if it feels right, preferably in my late 20s early 30s. I’m also young (barely turning 21 this summer) and in my family I’m the second eldest but since my older brother has a form of autism I’ve felt like the eldest for a while. I helped take care of my younger brothers and sister but since they’re close in age man, did I hate it! One wouldn’t listen so the rest wouldnt, tantrums all day every day, and etc so that turned me off kids. But then they got older and less annoying & I’ve also started getting a long with my husbands younger sisters and cousins and I’m starting to see kids in a new light! I’m still scared of the newborn phase and the “terrible twos” but I can visualize myself as a mom easier than before.
Post # 10
ZebraPrintMe: Your opinion on kids will change many more times in the coming years and that’s completely normal. When I was 22 the LAST thing on my mind was children and I really LOVED kids even at 22. If you change your mind on kids and want them someday, then that is awesome and wonderful. And if you decide to stay CBC that is awesome and wonderful too. I had a friend who in college, always wanted a big family. She talked nonstop about how she and her boyfriend were going to get married out of school and have at least 4 kids. Well, she’s married to her college sweetheart and they are CBC. Nothing wrong with it at all, but it just goes to show you, that even people who want kids and LIKE kids sometimes decide they don’t want their own. It’s your life and your choice. So just be happy 🙂
Post # 11
I am 33 and until i met my now DH, i didnt want kids. I looked around at my sisters and the kids i grew up with in school and thought that was just not what i wanted… They all seemed bratty. My sisters and i are all high strung ugh i didnt want to pass that on. After meeting my dh and all his family (huge set of cousins all with young kids) they were soooo normal, loving and well behaved kids. It made me realize that adorable polite kids are possible and now that we are married i cant wait to start a family with him cause i know he will make a great dad. And if his gene pool is any indication, they stand a chance of being normal and pretty cute (by normal i mean not super type a anxious like me)
Post # 12
During your twenties, I would say that your opinion will change a lot.. certainly did for me. I originally never wanted to have my own…
Post # 13
I’ve had the opposite experience. In my late teens and early 20s, I assumed I would grow into liking and wanting kids someday. Now, at 26 and married, I couldn’t possibly want them any less. Certainly, hormones and growing older will make a big difference for many women, but definitely not all.
Post # 14
ZebraPrintMe: I think that as you hit your 20s your feelings can definitely change (I went from thinking I had to have kids to realising it was actually a choice lol, and am now happily CBC and can say with certainty I will remain CBC) and I think that can be for different reasons, for example maturing (as in my case), or, in cases like yours, it might also be to do with being more ‘exposed’ to children (as friends and relatives start to have them) and, through that exposure, changing your opinion.
In my case, I’m coming up to 28. I have never enjoyed being around children under 10, and dislike being around those under 5 even more. This hasn’t changed. What has changed is my patience levels (I am better able to brush off and ignore temper tantrums and screaming for example), and I manage to occasionally put on something resembling an act; I’m not quite as awkward as I used to be, though it varies. I also don’t actively avoid them as much (ie I will go somewhere knowing theirs a child there) though this is more out of necessity (if I didn’t I’d barely see certain people) and I always suggest child-free options first of all.
So, I’d say I’ve got better, and that’s been mainly through necessity and being more exposed to them. The irony though is that this increased contact with children has only served to make me more certain that I don’t want my own; I just would not enjoy mother hood at all. So that has been useful to me.
Post # 15
- Wedding: A very pretty church.
When I was on rotation last year the nurses (sensing my lack of enthusiasm) would dump babies on me and laugh. Turns out I am actually quite good with the little er, ‘darlings’. Whilst I don’t love other people’s kids and dread the baby/small toddler near me on the plane scenario…meh, I figure if it’s mine it will probably be less like that. Women in my family on my mum’s side don’t tend to love babies generally and I am the same. That’s okay.