Weddingbee boards

Last year around this time I got what I thought was a proposal from SO, which was not. He did the whole thing of pulling a box out of a pocket, and the whole shpeel about how awesome I am. I opened the box to find a diamond ring. Turned out it was an "i love you" ring and nothing more.

After talking about it afterwards (and lots of venting here), I decided to kind of limit the wedding marriage talk and gave myself my own internal deadline of our next anniversary (coming in March) as the time I would have the balls out, cards on the table conversation with SO. I actually think that it will happen before then, and even possibly today.

For me, I think that the timing is perfect for a re-evaluation of our priorities and to let SO know that things are never going to be perfect. Something WILL come up, so if he uses all his "stuff" that he has going on  as an excuse we will never get married.

So, I do plan on talking to him about it and just letting him know where I stand. This will be a direct, "I want to get married and have another child, I'm 33," so piss or get off the pot. Sorry to be so blunt, but that's how I feel (though I will say it more tactfully).

All of this "stuff" that is happening has absolutely NOTHING to do with me, my kids, or our relationship. It has to do with SO's "stuff" that affects our relationship. I have been there and continue to be supportive of him, but I need him to understand that he can't keep putting me and really and truly becoming a family on hold because in the mean time we're BOTH dealing with HIS baggage together. That's what family is, you know? And, to be frank, his baggage is exhausting on our relationship as it is and I'm starting to feel resentful, like I'm not your wife and this is not my problem. (Not that I would say that to him, mind you.)

I'm not at all nervous about it, to be honest. I will, of course, be heartbroken if he doesn't get with the program, but I'm not nervous. This is a conversation that has to happen because if I just sit back and continue to patiently wait it may never happen, or happen years down the road. I desreve to be happy. I deserve to be with someone who wants me to be their wife in every sense of the meaning of the word. So, we shall see what happens.

@panterapeach: I disagree about the deadline not being fair. I had an internal deadline about having the talk if nothing happened. I don't really believe in ultimadeums so I would never tell him a deadline and say if you don't propose by X then we're done. Instead, I will have the talk with him and give him time (and still set my own internal deadline) and if nothing happens, I will start to move on.

I don't want him to feel forced to do something because there's an expiration date, you know? I want him to do it because he wants to, or at the very least understands how important it is to me so even if he doesn't want to fakes it for my sake. (He's not the average type who believes in the instution of marriage though he understands that I do.)

@gocubbies: Thank you. I will.

Well you are in the same situation as me.  I had the talk and told my SO either you want to marry or you don't.  If you don't please let me know because that is only fair.  I want to be married and have children.  If you don't that is fine just don't string me along anymore.  I have an internal timeline of V-day for him to decide.  I'm hoping and wishing for a V-day proposal but if that does not happen and I'm not going to get my hopes up too high then I want an answer right then and there.  I think that it is great that you are striving for what you want in life.  That is what I'm doing now.  Good luck with you conversation.  I hope that both our SO's figure it out soon.

Thank you for all the support, you lovely ladies! 

Yes, PanteraPeach, I did send him the picture of the ring and he was positively receptive to it. He has started watching wedding shows with me, and we have in passing talked about marriage.

We've both been married before, so there is a lot of negative memories that come associated with marriage. I really think that SO is only just now past them. He believes in the fundamental ideals of marriage, but not necessarily how it is today.

On the flipside, he talks about how if he gets me a ring I better wear it all the time, and how a propsal isn't real (in his opinion) without a ring. He actually has very strong ideas about ring related stuff, ironically. Leave it  to a man to be a complete paradox of everything! ha ha...

He's in a bad mood so tonigt will not be the night, but I imagine before the week is out.

I have no idea what I even want to say. I was thinking of starting with, "You know I love you and how much I want to be your wife..." Is that too strong? I want to be direct, but not too pushy and I don't want to focus on the proposal/engagement but rather the marriage. Eek! This is so hard.

@LacrosseBride: It did not go well. I didn't actually even have the opportunity for my "piss or get off the pot" speach. The girls (we both have DDs who are both 5) were asking about us getting married. Later I joked with him that we had to get married because it would make the girls happy and he basically said that I "should just focus on us." WTF does that mean?

So I, of course, got upset and started crying, and he said I ruined our night and anytime anyone brings up marriage I get upset. Duh! How does he think it feels to be asked about it constantly?

I woke up this morning still upset. Upset partially because I let my feelings get hurt BEFORE clearly stating my position, and for not being calm enough to have a nonemotional, very direct talk.

I plan on talking to MIL (his mom) today. She and I are close and she's always really comforting and very blunt, and actually really loves me so she tells me to do what's best for me. I also plan on just telling him if that's a no and he's always going to feel like that then he needs to let me know.

We are supposed to go look at new places today, but I don't feel like it but I probably still will. I'm confused and feel like my joke kind of spoiled the opportunity for a true, honest conversation. Ugh...  

@Rosie Girl: Thank you, I agree.