My own fault I got offended because of extra plus one!

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

How awkward!  I hate when people just assume they can bring someone, rather than at least asking!! I’m glad your situation worked out though. 

We are going through this right now with our RSVPs.  One of FI’s friends (didn’t even send his actual RSVP…) texted FI and literally said: “FYI I’m bringing my mom” UM WHAT THE F&*k??? 

We also had a couple who (although the invitation was only addressed to them) RSVPd for their kids as well… we are not having kids at our wedding.  FI felt SO awkward calling and telling them, but they took it well.

Hope everything goes smoothly once you get your actual invitations out!

Post # 4
4041 posts
Honey bee

@Stephefanie:  Wedding etiquette and guest rules are not always universal or understood by all. And if she has been with/travelling with her boyfriend for 2 years, then it’s not a crazy thing for her to think he can come. That is a long term relationship and it looks like they “travel” together everywhere. Good thing you already counted in the original count though.

Post # 6
2276 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Stephefanie:  She prob assumed he was invited,  since he is her partner. 🙂 Glad it worked out.

Post # 7
4041 posts
Honey bee

@Stephefanie:  Yeah, it probably would have been better if she phrased it more like a question than an assumption. 

Post # 8
105 posts
Blushing bee

But who wants to go to a wedding alone. I generally assume I can invite a guest .

Post # 9
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Before I was married (and engaged), I never assumed I’d get a guest unless the invitation said ‘and guest’. Usually if I knew the couple well enough to be invited, it’d be natural that I’d know enough people (at LEAST 1 or two others that were also guests if not more) to be comfortable.

Post # 10
8677 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

But, he was already going to be invited, so I don’t see how her assumption was wrong?


“I pull up the guest list to see if we have enough room that it won’t be an issue- only to find that I had already put two on her party, I just hadn’t written down his name becuase I didn’t remember it at the time!”

IDK. Maybe you talked to her about it and just forgot. But, it’s the past and done, so let it be water under the bridge.

Post # 11
327 posts
Helper bee

I’m kind of in this same boat. I put ‘2’ people on a friend’s invitation because I assumed she would bring her daughter and then later I fretted because I forgot she has a boyfriend (I’ve never met him and I really don’t even hang out with her that much anymore. Honestly, I didn’t even want to invite her but she ASKED me if she was invited. Okay, that’s a whole other story). So, she put ‘2’ on her RSVP and I asked her if that was for her daughter, and she said no, her boyfriend. I was kinda like ehhhh…. not even my SIL or my brother’s boyfriend/girlfriend were invited (our budget/space is tight) but I did not say this to her. ANYWAY, basically it’s my entire fault I didn’t specify who was invited. I don’t know her boyfriend so I didn’t want him there and I was hoping her child’s seat could be freed up for someone else.

Basically, I’m going to have to let my SIL and my brother’s boyfriend/girlfriend come now. Luckily some other people can’t come which allows me to do this. Phew. Etiquette sucks.

Post # 12
327 posts
Helper bee

I really can’t go back now and say not to bring him. I feel like that would make me look really really bad.

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