- 8 years ago
- Wedding: March 2010
OK, so it’s been a month since we got married but everytime I think about it I am still so angry..
A little background: My mom and I don’t really get along. This partially has to do with my having lived thousands of miles away from her since I was 17 and her knowing that I am never coming back ‘home’
I’m never coming back because she suffocates me and doesn’t let me be me. I don’t even mean I was a rebel teenager who did drugs and stayed up all night. Just being me as in having my personality and life style choices. Little things like using tampons, wasting too much paper towels, and not handwashing my dishes. crazy!
Anyway so most phone convo and emails we have with ea other are pretty unpleasant because she is always resentful of how far away I am from her which makes me feel less compelled to call her or email her more often. It has gotten to the point where I get anxiety attacks from just checking my email or hearing the phone ring!
So I was getting married and the first thing she said about the news was already not a good sign. I said: I have good news, my BF proposed. She said: oh, I thought you meant good news like you got a job or something..
Fast forward to wedding planning: her comment on the invites I spent 2 weeks making by hand was: Which one should I order? fish or beef? Her comments on my hair and make up trial pictures was: your forehead looks too big. She even got mad at me and threatened not to come because we wanted to leave for our honeymoon the day after the reception. So we conceded and planned on leaving 2 days later.
Finally she got here and at first everything was OK. But then the wedding day was coming closer and I became a lot more busy. I had bridesmaid dress issues to deal with, errands to run, sugar flowers to make, table signs to design, and a lot of stuff at work to finish before the honeymoon.
I was getting stressed out about work and she just made feel worse by saying it was all my fault, and why didn’t I get stuff done sooner. And then she said it was stupid to go on our honeymoon for 2 weeks, I should just come back after 1 week and go back to work. She even told me I shouldn’t get a 2-story house for God knows what reason.. I can’t remember. All I knew was everything I did was wrong especially because all that stuff I had to do and other guests I hung out with, meant less time with her.
And I was starting to feel, everyday, less and less like I was the bride…
And the night before the wedding came. As a peace offering, I booked us a room together. Checked us in and took her out to dinner. Then I thought, OK.. I need a break from her and just hang out with my friends. Some of whom had come from different states and countries to be with me.
A couple of hours went by and I went back to our hotel room to check on her and she was immediately furious! She kept nagging me about her wrinkled party dress and how she’s been waiting for me to help her take care of it. (mind you, this is not some old lady.. my mother is turning 59 this year) And when my friends came to my rescue, all she wanted to do was banish them from our room. So we all left, and I spent the next couple of hours after that crying..
And then she calls me, and she was crying and demanding that I come back to our room. So I did, and got lectured (I am 28 years old!!!) for another half hour before I was able to “go to bed” with her leaving the lights and TV on in the room and sobbing the entire night on the next bed.
Needless to say I got absolutely no sleep and woke up with huge bags under my eyes. Thank goodness my make-up artist was a pro!
The wedding day went on with complaints from her about my “ugly boots” that I wore under my dress, about the fish being bland, and the water tasting funny. Then she finally decided to leave the reception and go back to her hotel room, 1 hour before it was over. And of course being the extremely helpless old woman that she is, I had to take her back to her room. And I missed the most fun moment of the reception when my husband danced YMCA with his grandmother!
And when everything was over and done with, before I took her to the airport, my mom told me it was useless to have had me as a child.
So to this day, I keep thinking… Was I really ever a bride? Because I sure never felt like one..
What does everyone think about this? Am I over-reacting? Just because my mother flew thousands of miles to come for my wedding, does that mean I don’t get to be the bride, and had to wait on her hand and foot? Was I wrong for wanting everyone to take care of what I need for one night and one day instead taking care of what she needs?
Sorry for the length.. had to get it all out, it’s been bothering me for weeks!