Post # 1
My parents are both from Canada but my stepdad is working in the US so my mom has a residency visa there.
When my mom found out that my stepdad wants a divorce she came back to Canada immediately, thinking that it would work out in her benefit somehow.
Yesterday I got a call from UPS saying that a package addressed to me was refused at the border and wanted to know what I wanted to do about it. The package contained prescription meds and a chequebook or something. I had NO idea that anything was coming to my home until I got this phone call. They told me who the sender was and told the UPS rep to work it out with him. So my mom told my stepdad to send the package to me, without giving me a heads up or here’s an idea, asking my permission first?
And then my mom asks me for my address so that she can get her driver’s license and use the address to “show” that she’s a permanent resident here for the divorce and whatever else she needs a permanent address for. I asked her if someone, anyone else can do this (my grandmother, her childhood friends, lots of people she can pick from) beause I don’t want to be involved and I don’t want to pretend someone lives here who does not. She didn’t answer and went ahead and found my address by some other means and did it anyway!!!!
My mom is sneaky and manipulative and honestly, lies so much that eventually she herself believes her own lies with every cell of her being. My stepdad was been in my life for 15 years and his presence in my life is very important to me. I don’t care who did what the wrong way, who started what, whose fault it was I DON’T CARE I just don’t want to be involved AT ALL – but of course there is pressure to be on my mom’s side no matter what (despite knowing about many of her discretions).
SINCE WHEN IS MY HOME A MAIL DISTRIBUTION CENTRE?!?!
I am thinking of sending them both an email telling them that under no circumstances is my address to be used for any purposes other than to send things intended for myself, my FI, or our roommate and to please keep me out of their drama.
Tips? I know my mom will stop at nothing to turn the rest of the family against me as if I am some traitor.
Post # 3
Sorry you’re dealing with this! I have not been through anything similar so can’t give much advise. I think you should send them an email letting them know that you care for each of them individually, regardless of the divorce and that you don’t want to be in the middle of it in ANY way. Let them know that If anyone were to ask you questions about anything purtaining to the divorce that you will be telling the TRUTH and not lieing for either party, maybe encouraging your mom to not use you in her lies.
Is the UPS package something you will have so sign for? Maybe you can refuse to accept it when it arrives; if she doesn’t receive her packages then she will have to stop sending them to you.
Good luck! 🙁
Post # 4
I would definitely send them an e-mail! That you love them BOTH, that you will NOT be choosing sides, and that you will only recieve mail intended for yourself or your FI!
Post # 5
They (also so far it sounds like only your mom) can only use them if you let them.
I would tell your Mom that she raised you better than to lie to anyone, much less the government , and you will not be allowing her to use your address in such a way. Anything that comes addressed to her at your address will be returned to sender marked “Does not reside at this address”.
Post # 6
@Josina: The UPS package will not arrive as the prescriptions got refused at the border and I told the UPS rep to work it out with my stepdad who sent the package on my mom’s request. I would definitely have had to make a trip to their terminal to pick up the package and yes, sign for it.
Thanks guys for your replies. This just sucks. I lose no matter what I do. This isn’t the first time I’ve been dragged into their relationship issues. They nearly divorced last year and I did sort of side with my stepdad because truly, I would have divorced her many years ago
I want to send this email so bad, but I know my mom will then make it her life’s mission to turn the family against me for not supporting her 🙁
I think I’m going to call my grandma and get her advice. She told my mom she could use her address, but she is in AZ for the next 6 mos so my mom can’t get access to her mailbox. Hopefully she doesn’t tell me to suck it up and do what my mom wants as she can sometimes be manipulated by my mom herself. I jsut feel like I need someone in the family to talk to.
Thank god IOS7 has call blocking now, I think I’m going to need it.