(Closed) My parents disapprove of my promise ring. Help!

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Tell her to pretty much suck it up (in politer terms), that it is your relationship and whilst she is entitled to her opinion, the ring is on YOUR finger on YOUR hand at the end of the day, not hers. 

Post # 4
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am sorry they dissaprove but its not like its an engagement ring and even if it was, isnt it your life? 

You have to think of you and whom you want to share your life with. They wont be around for ever sad to say. 

I hope it all works out! 

Post # 5
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

It’s a promise ring, not an engagement ring.  They do not hold the same significance.  I usually take promise rings to mean “someday we’ll be engaged, but we’re not ready yet”.  If you agree with this, explain that to her.  

To give a little perspective on how your mom’s seeing this, 20 is really young.  Studies have shown you don’t have an “adult brain” until you’re about 25/26.  You’ve still got experiences to live and growing up to do (I don’t mean that in a condescending way, I mean it in a “been there” way).  Your mom may be taking this whole thing as a sign that engagement is coming really soon, and I understand why, if she’s thinking that way, she’d be worried.  Just have an honest discussion with her about it when she’s had the chance to cool down a bit.

Post # 6
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If you are young enough that you even need your parent’s approval and or validation then perhaps she has a point about your maturity level. Adults don’t need either of those things from their parents when it comes to relationships.

Post # 8
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

@musicprodigy:  Well, they’re in the loop now. Job done. So why should their viewpoint matter? Lol 

Post # 9
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

CallmeC Speaking from personal experience, it can be very hurtful when your parents don’t support you, and it has nothing to do with needing their approval.

musicprodigy I guess one thing you can do is speak your peace with your parents and then move on. Calmly tell them that you can see why they might balk at your “pre-engagement” because of your age, but you and your BF are very devoted to one another and made the best decision for yourselves. And then let it go and move on.

Post # 10
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You’re 20 years old, you’re an adult. It’s disappointing not to have the support of your family right now but it’s part of them getting used to you being your own person. Let them adjust but be confident in (and rational about) the choices you make and they’ll come to realize that you’re in control of your life. Maybe it’s better to get this reaction about the promise ring so that once you have an engagement ring they’ll be used to the idea.

Post # 12
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Just to add to that last post…. nothing shows maturity better than being able to objectively consider someone else’s point of view.

Post # 14
Member
4328 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@musicprodigy:  But you said this: “I just feel so neglected right now. All I wanted was love and support, especially from my mom… I feel hurt, to say the least.” 

You can’t have it both ways: being informative and impartial to how your parents feel, vs. wanting support. Sometimes your parents will disagree with your decisions. It’s a fact of life, and you’re going to have to toughen up and accept that, because more circumstances like this will come down the pike. You need to learn to interact with your parents as an adult and stand up for yourself and your right to live your life regardless of their opinions.

Post # 15
Member
4888 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

What is ‘pre-engagement’?

 

Post # 16
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Honestly, if your both 20 and getting “pre-engaged” , and you are this upset about them not approving, maybe you should listen to her. 

” my mom has the nerve to tell me that we aren’t ready for a pre-engagement.”

Isn’t a pre-engagement just “dating”. I don’t mean to be snarky, I honestly don’t understand. Im not sure what you expected her to say really…did you want her to congradulate you, throw you a party? Im confused.  It seems like something I would not even bother telling my parents about really. It may be important to you, and thats okay, but don’t expect other people to be as excited for you when it’s not really a commitment yet. 

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