If you were stranded on an island....
more by ejs4y8
Pregnancy Magazine Recommendations?
Note to self...have extra healthy snacks at work in case of emergencies...
more in Fitness
Alright, I need some motivation bees!!
Hair in NEPA?
more in Boards
Favourite Bee

My parents have some messed up views on being "healthy"

posted 1 year ago in Fitness
  •  
    1.
    14,581 posts
    Honey
    Beekeeper
    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    Grrr. So my dad is super under my skin. I called him this morning to say hello (things have been going well lately, ya know? He’s been laying off the preaching for the most part) and he told me to be sure I don’t “fatten up” my mom when she comes to town next week (for eye surgery/thanksgiving). I rolled my eyes and told him not to worry, that even when I cook things like pizza, it’s really actually healthy for you. I actually am planning on using her visit to help teach her about healthier cooking—brown rice, marinating meats, grilling, steaming, using seasonings (not butter), etc. Then he was going on and on about how awesome he and mom are doing on their diet. Basically he’s skipping breakfast and lunch, eating protein bars and teeny little portions (sounds like, max, 700 calories a day), and once a week pigging out on Mexican food and margaritas!

    Now, my dad HAS lost a bunch of weight in the last few years. So apparently it’s working for him. We’ve had the ‘discussion’ of calories and whole foods (me) versus quantity of food (him.). I say it’s calories and WHAT you eat, he says it’s just volume and you should shrink your stomach down. Basically, he’d rather eat half a sandwich that has bacon, turkey, mayo, cheese, etc on it, and I’d rather have a whole wheat sandwich minus the bacon and subbing mustard for mayo with a  side salad drizzled with vinegar. He says his way is better and is always encouraging me to eat less (saying I should skip breakfast, “do you really need to eat that?” comments, telling me something is fattening when I KNOW it’s not, or saying “wow you eat a lot”—it’s about 5 smaller meals a day). He told me a few months ago that if i lost 30 pounds, i'd look really good. Um, i do not have 30 pounds to lose!

    Currently I eat about 1,500-2,000 calories a day, hardly any processed foods, and I try to balance my fat, carbs, and protein.  I lift weights, do cardio, and switch up my work out routines but stopped being a maniac about it after I got married. My dad lifts weight and does a Treadclimb every day. But I’ve been trying to get him and mom to eat healthier (they douse EVERYTHING in butter and lots of sauces) and they both have high cholesterol (they take tablets). They smoke, too.

    Anyways, we’re going to Jamaica with them in February and my dad wants to “compete” with me about who’s in better shape and he’s really being an ass about it. He wants to go for a run on the beach with me now and see who’ll make it farther (that’s a joke—my dad can’t run!). He's been known to stand next to you and comment about how good of shape he's in compared to you. I’m in good shape, but I’m the first to admit I’m a little squishy around the middle. I’m not fitness model material, but hell, who is?!

    Anyways…I don’t think I’m looking for any bit of advice. I just wanted to crab and bitch about how my dad thinks his way is so awesome, when in reality, it's the worst way to approach a healthy lifestyle. What irritates me the most is it apparently works. Oh i'm also not too thrilled about being told not to "fatten up" my mom or being constantly told by my dad "i'm in better shape than you!". wtf?

    *face palm*

    Anybody else's parents have some messed up viewpoints of eating/exercise and being healthy in general? It makes me want to bang my head against a wall.

     
    2.
    Member
    9,964 posts
    Buzzing
    Beekeeper
    CorgiTales    February 1, 2011  

    lol wow. you think he just schemes up new and interesting ways to be obnoxious to you? 

     
    3.
    Member
    397 posts
    Helper bee
    Applestar13    January 8, 2011   Phoenix, AZ

    yes! I'm 5'1 at 119 lbs and my family calls me "fat." I wear size 4/6 from a 8/10 and they still call me fat because I am not a size 2 like the rest of my family. It gets pretty frustrating. I told my mom that I have lost a total of xx pounds and she says, "Oh, really? I haven't noticed."...grrr

     
    4.
    Member
    2,616 posts
    Sugar bee
    Entangled    September 17, 2011   Carmel, CA

    Ugh.  That's like a textbook example of unhealthy ways to lose weight.  I hate when people try to make health a competition... that just seems inherently unhealthy.  He's obviously convinced that his way is right... as much as there's a million different diet theories out there, skipping breakfast is always regarded as a bad idea. 

    Definitely try not to let it bother you and not to get caught up in it.  What they're doing sounds pretty horrific both physically and mentally... are they seeing a nutritionist?

     
    5.
    Member
    479 posts
    Helper bee
    Purquez2011    August 15, 2011   Ellensburg, WA

    It's not my parents that have messed up viewpoints, it's actually my FI. He thinks that because he's on his feet working all day for roughly 10-12 hours, walking and lifting things that he doesn't need to watch what he eats or work out on a regular basis. HOWEVER, I need to because I only teach and I have an addiction to food (which, yes, I will admit that I do). In the two years that we've owned our dog, Lucy, he's taken her on a walk twice. He thinks that she'll get the most exercise by chasing a ball in the park for 30 minutes then a 30 minute walk every couple of days. HELLO! It's now currently "winter" and she can't go to the park. Anyway, he eats what he wants, doesn't watch his portion control and must be the only one that goes grocery shopping because I always spend too much money on crap (aka healthy things like fruits and veggies, etc). He doesn't understand that him not changing his eating habits at least a little bit isn't going to help me in my food addiction! 

    VERY FRUSTRATING! 

     
    6.
    14,581 posts
    Honey
    Beekeeper
    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    @Corgi, maybe Tongue out. RIGHT when I think things are doing good, there's always a set back! I think he just lives in his own little bubble! Don't even get me started on the fact he's not coming to St. Louis for Thanksgiving because he thinks I won't let him be himself (aka the Bible Biker--his new self-given nickname). *eye roll*

    @applestar, that is the MOST frustrating! It'll show, give it a little more time

    @Entangled, No, they won't see a nutritionist. I offered to pay for them to see one in St. Louis and my dad thought it was the dumbest idea ever because what he's doing is working. Unfortunately.

    @Purquez, girl i l feel ya! when DH got out of the army, it was all bad food all the time. I had to completely take over the menu and food shopping. Now when he does cook, I set out a menu for him from a cookbook and he just makes that. Otherwise we'd be living off of pizza rolls and chocolate ice cream =]

     
    7.
    Member
    1,884 posts
    Buzzing bee
    JennyW1    February 19, 2011  

    EVERYONE has very hard-set beliefs on what "good nutrition" and "health" mean and different ideas of what a "healthy diet" is. Trust me--I'm on weight watchers and the number of people who like to tell me it's "not healthy" or that such-and-such diet is healthier is staggering. And totally irritating. Let me worry about what goes into my mouth; you worry about what goes into yours.

    I have the same issue that you do with my grandmother, of all people. Who is Asian and tiny and literally eats from dawn until dusk--and like, candy and chips--and never gains an ounce. I wasn't born with that body type and this bothers her to no end. She feels that because she is thin and I am not that she MUST be the authority on appropriate eating habits. Drives me crazy.

     

     
    8.
    Member
    3,677 posts
    Sugar bee
    hilsy85    September 2010  

    When I was younger, my parents, especially my mom, had a pretty unhealthly mentality toward food--almost definitely some sort of undiagnosed ED. We ONLY had low fat or fat free foods in  the house and my mom would go to the gym at like 6am for two hours, 6 days a week (well, she still does this actually, lol-she's definietly addicted to exercise).  We never ate red meat or anything fried, and my parents both made comments when I was chubby in middle school and after freshman year of college. There's a TON of pressure in my family to be thin and be fit--my mom's whole side of the family, who we see often, are all super thin and yet complaining about gaining weight is always a huge topic of conversation at dinners together. And then my sister and I both developed EDs...shocking, no? *sarcasm*

     
    9.
    Member Icon
    Member
    676 posts
    Busy bee
    jindc    March 20, 2011   DC

    Next time he tells you about your diet, ask him what school he went to to earn his nutritionist degree.

    Also, he's belitting you.  I would not be able to spend time with a relative that did that.  My mom sometimes comments about my weight, but she't not one to talk so I just ignore it - my FH thinks it's horrible. 

    Don't let him belittle you, tell him unless he's a certified nutritionist and a licensed trainer, you don't want to hear it.  And remind him that as a parent, if he can't be happy for/with you, then he shouldn't be around you.

     
    10.
    Member Icon
    Member
    1,645 posts
    Bumble bee
    Sasha2011    July 30, 2011   Toronto

    My parents were not like that to me. (Thank God!) They lived by example. However my cousin's mother has been bitching about the girl's weight since she was 7-8 years old! NO JOKES!!! She kept nagging the poor girl since that age whenever she ate "omg! you eat SO MUCH! Don't eat anymore! Don't eat!"

    The girl obvoiusly has no nutritional value in her body. She is now in university. Her hair all turned white around 8th-9th grade. Though that can't all be diet related (or lack of) but definitely a strong contributor! She does have ED and also thinks that it was really nice of her mom to have done it to her otherwise she'd be so fat and won't be able to get a date. NO JOKES! So ED is just ONE of the issues that developed. I'm just in shock.... Surprised

     
    11.
    2,253 posts
    Buzzing bee
    MandaMack    September 10, 2011   Pittsburgh, PA

    http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/11/08/twinkie.diet.professor/index.html

    Read that article.  I don't support that lifestyle, but according to the study, it doesn't matter how you lose weight, just losing weight will make you healthier.

    It sucks that your dad makes rude comments to you, but if you don't want them to try and change your eating habits, why try and change theirs?  People are going to do what works for them and what fits into their lifestyle, not what other people tell them they should do.

     
    12.
    Member
    1,429 posts
    Bumble bee
    Neva    July 2010  

    @MandaMack:  I was just thinking about that article.  The professor who did that saw his LDL and triglycerides go down and his HDL go up...and his body fat percentage dropped significantly. 

    The weight loss I'd expect due to the calorie restriction alone, but I was surprised by the improvements in his cholesterol and triglycerides.  He did mention that he's still not convinced that the "Twinkie Diet" is the way to go, especially because there is no way to know how eating that way long-term might affect you.  But I will admit, I found his results surprising. 

     
    13.
    2,253 posts
    Buzzing bee
    MandaMack    September 10, 2011   Pittsburgh, PA

    @Neva: I was surprised as well, and like I said, I don't support the lifestyle.  But we can't assume that other people's diets are bad for them, because that study proves you never really know!

     
    14.
    Member Icon
    Member
    909 posts
    Busy bee
    sassy411    November 27, 2010   SoCal

    My parents were like that--obsessed with anything I put in my mouth.  We can't change them.

    I learned to quit listening, reasoning & arguing with them.

     
    15.
    14,581 posts
    Honey
    Beekeeper
    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    Because my dad said I should educate my mom on counting calories and eating right, which is what opened up the conversation...

    And if somebody is telling me I should skip my meals and eat 700 calories a day and tell me I lost 30 pounds I'd look awesome, I AM going to speak up and tell him/her that's unhealthy and I won't do it. You could take 30 pounds off me if you took my leg =p

    I can understand the calorie argument...there's a reason anorexic people are so slender--it's because of calorie restriction. Doesn't mean it's good for you. 

     
    16.
    Member
    5,166 posts
    Bee Keeper
    2PeasinaPod       Philadelphia

    I always feel for you ejs. I follow your stories about your dad and his preaching, and I don't know what I would do if he said any of this to me. Of course he's going to lose weight when he's only taking in 700 calories a day. Your body burns that amount by doing basic activities all day long.

    I like to run...and my mom is not the healthiest person in the world (5'1 and about 200 lbs). She was watching the news about a 10 mile run in our area and how a 29 year old male had a heart attack and died at the finish line. She will NOT let up about how that will be me or my brother some day b/c we like to run. I will tell her that I went for a run during the day and she'll say, "What's with this running? Don't you know that it's unhealthy for you?"

    Right mom...running is sooooo unhealthy. But the chips and cheese you ate for dinner...that's run of the mill healthy, right?

     
    17.
    14,581 posts
    Honey
    Beekeeper
    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    @2peas, you'd think i'd just shake my head and go "he's nutty bananas" and cast it aside like you would if ANY other person was doing/saying this to me, but it's hard to separate that from the fact that he's still my dad, ya know? Ahhh, running is unhealthy?! That goes in the head-shake bin.

     
    18.
    Member
    5,166 posts
    Bee Keeper
    2PeasinaPod       Philadelphia

    @ejs4y8: I totally get it! It's the same with my mom. The stuff that comes out of her mouth is head shake worthy, but I just can't ignore it b/c she's my mom. And I'll always be seeking her approval some way or some how, even though I know it's impossible.

     
    19.
    1,908 posts
    Buzzing bee
    lezlers    April 3, 2011   California

    A lot of times when people give you crap about the fact that you work out and/or eat healthy, it's because they don't want to do it, therefore you shouldn't either, you know?

    My aunt is morbidly obese.  Every time she tries to lose weight, her wife belittles her efforts and sabatoges her at every turn.  I chalk it up to the fact that her wife has tried and failed numerous times to lose weight.  In her mind, if she can't succeed, she sure as hell doesn't want her wife to, because if her wife succeeds, then she's actually going to have to do it too and it's hard.  It's a horrible attitude to have but a lot of people have it.  They see you trying to make healthy changes in your life and feel like they have to as well.  If they don't want to, they're going to belittle your efforts in hopes that you'll abandon them. Once you abandon them, then they no longer have to feel guilty about their own crappy habits.

    I honestly have a hard time believing that anyone who eats crap all day long and never exercises genuinely believes they live a healthy lifestyle, hence my theory.

     
    20.
    14,581 posts
    Honey
    Beekeeper
    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    @Lezlers, sadly, i have known a few people who discourage their daughters from doing their hair, dressing cute, or wearing makeup for the same reasons you've mentioned.

     

    Reply

    You must log in to post.





    Visit our sister sites eHarmony
    Online Dating
    eHarmony Advice
    Dating Advice
    Project Wedding
    Wedding Songs
    JustMommies
    Pregnancy Calendar
    Copyright 2004-2012, Weddingbee.com
     

    Find your vendors on Weddingbee

    Real reviews from brides in your area!

    Favors by Weddingbee

    • Favors by season

    Shop Now ยป

    Find Registry Find Registry Find Registry

    More
    User Posts Today
    Rivendeler 14
    Rojocameo 12
    Suikerbossie 9
    Future Mrs K 8
    ellisrobertson 8
    keranos 7
    janetsnakehole 6
    deborah.dehlinger 6
    MrsOliveBird 5
    kat2014 5

    Fitness


    Sorry, there are no users yet.


    More