(Closed) My parents hit the roof because their grandbaby not invited to reception

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Ok, I think “immediate family only” is a pretty easy and common no kids policy that probably woudln’t raise any eyebrows amongst the other guests.

BUT, it’s your day and if you don’t want the baby there, that’s more than fair.  You’ll just have to tell your sibling that it’s not a baby friendly event, and stick to your guns.

Post # 4
Member
2590 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

How does your brother & partner feel about this?  If they’re cool with it, I wouldn’t worry about your parents.  If your brother is also upset, I think it’s a fair exception to make & your second cousin & friends should understand somewhat.

 

Post # 5
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Your nephew is much different than every other kidwhose parents happen to be coming. Maybe I’m just much closer with my bro and nieces/nephews but I couldn’t imagine inviting the ones that are 8+ and not the others. I’d honestly be upset if I were your parents or bother. 

Post # 6
Member
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

What I don’t understand is how so many people think an evening event would be kid friendly anyway? Even the 8 year old flower girl isn’t going to last til midnight. I don’t think I ever went to an evening wedding before I was 15!

Post # 7
Member
8697 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Americano:  +1 nephew/niece or not

Post # 8
Member
7794 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@SapphireSun:  I agree on both counts. Yes, you can make an exception for a nephew. I’ve seen it done, in fact I did it for my own wedding, and I got no complaints not even from close friends of my husband who had to leave their own toddler with relatives. Also bear in mind there will be lots of your nephew’s relatives on hand to mind him.

But I also agree that it’s your choice and you can insist he can’t come. There’s no reason an 18 month old can’t be babysat, and I would imagine there’s someone on his mother’s side who would happily do it.

Post # 9
Member
854 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@paula1248:  I see what you’re saying but I think @Ozziebee‘s point is they don’t want a small kid there that would need to be “minded” in the first place.

@Ozziebee I would think because its an evening event (like a cocktail party) people would be mindful of the fact that it may not be appropriate for small children. In my day (and I’m only 34) it would have been unthinkable for us to attend an adult gathering.  At the very least, I would think the kids would be bored to death and tired. 

 

Post # 10
Member
7794 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@CARA1978:  At my sister’s wedding my 2 year old went from relative to relative and eventually fell asleep. When it’s shared around, minding a toddler isn’t a big deal. In some ways minding an 8 year old is harder because she probably won’t fall asleep.

The more I think about it, the more I see @RedWine13:  ‘s point. Regardless of age, the fact is OP is including some nieces/nephews and not others, and this is bound to cause friction. I assume there will be family photos, so that means one family member missing. Plus with OP’s parents paying 1/4, that gives them a say. I really think it’s best to let them bring him, and I don’t think he’ll be a problem at all.

Post # 11
Member
854 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@paula1248:  I do agree, the rules have to be consistent across the board or people may talk.  

Post # 12
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Nobody else gets to decide who is at your wedding. Doesn’t matter if the 18 month old is family, he’s not YOUR kid, and YOU don’t want infants at your wedding… makes sense to me. Stick to your guns.

Post # 13
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You don’t have to invite the baby.  For that matter you don’t have to invite your brother or your parents.  You can see how just because you don’t have to invite them doesn’t mean you’ll have peace and tranquility in your family.  I’d just invite your nieces and nephews and leave the cutoff there.

Post # 14
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Just a word about a detail from your original post:

It’s great that you’re organizing childcare in the nursery at the church for the ceremony, and I hope that most of your guests do use it if that’s your preference. However, if it’s a church wedding, you really can’t forbid children (or anyone) from attending. Everyone is welcome in a church on principle – it’s God’s house.

The reception? Totally up to you. And PPs have already weighed in with good points on that.

Post # 15
Member
2605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Ozziebee:  Its not your parent’s decision to make and it would be extremely unfair to make an exception for one kid.   

Frankly, I don’t get the “my kid MUST go EVERYWHERE with meeeee!” attitude.  They can hire a babysitter for a few hours – its just not a big deal. 

Don’t let them sweat you over it.  If the parents and your parents want to have a hissy because they won’t be near this kid for an evening, that’s up to them.  Its nothing you need to feel bad or upset over.

Post # 16
Member
4496 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@photogestelle:  +1. This.

 

 

 

Its crazy how some people flip out over someone not being invited to your wedding, isn’t it? Its almost flattering. I didn’t realize I was going to be hosting the social event of the year and that everyone just has to be invited or it’ll ruin their life 😉

 

 

 

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