- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015
Vent ahead. . . (sorry, it’s long)
So, this past weekend, I went to visit my parents. We hadn’t had any kind of Christmas (some of you may remember my various posts bemoaning family/SO issues and holiday complications) until this past weekend, and to my amazement, my SO was invited to come for dinner and to share presents for an evening (I stayed the weekend after he went home that night, as I hadn’t visited my parents in months, and we were all happy with this arrangement). The evening when my SO was there went amazingly well– everyone acted like their normal selves! Wow! It was even fun! Amazing considering 3+ years of MAJOR problems with them not liking him in the past . . .
Anyway, my SO went home, and over the weekend it came out that based on their own lives/expectations from their experience, my parents think that my SO and I really should be getting engaged by now, and my mother expressed that she thinks it’s very unfair that I want to get engaged so badly and my SO isn’t on that bandwagon yet. And my father said things too, in fact every fricking time I see my parents for more than a few hours he says SOMETHING. ARGH.
Now, luckily, my mother and I had a conversation about our differences of opinion and ways of going about things, and she said that she’s accepting that I have a different way of doing things and going about things than she/they had, so as long as I’m OK with everything, she is too! And I said that I felt like in the past she/they had been comparing me and my relationship to their own personal experiences, which was horrible, and didn’t make sense. I guess she became aware of that and my parents are working on not doing that anymore. PHEW. Very good.
But the problem is. . . even my parents, who until now have not made much effort to associate with or be pleasant to my SO, now think it’s past time to be getting engaged. I know I should never have said anything to them about that desire in the first place. . . it was stupid of me to ever say anything, I know. . . but I am close to them so we share things that are important to us, and that is important to me. Garumph.
At least now I know they probably won’t object when/if he finally does propose!
I’m shutting it up around my SO. Our 4-year relationship anniversary is in March, and I really am pretty damn sick of waiting (have been for about a year and a half, a year of that without having discussed it with him properly). When I have brought it up lately, he’s said things that hint that he is thinking about marriage too, but we haven’t had a talk about a possible timeline in months (and the one we had before was inconclusive). I do not want to talk about it until our 4-year anniversary comes, anyway, because I’ve been blabbing too much lately. Argh. But when that comes, I’m feeling the need to mention something, seriously.
It doesn’t help that we are planning a very special vacation to a place/theater festival we love and haven’t been to in 2 years, for this spring. That would be the perfect time to get engaged, but he’s going about all of the vacation-planning with me in a very normal and casual manner, so I’m almost 100% sure that it hasn’t occurred to him that our vacation would be a rather perfect time to get engaged.
I hate that fact that even my parents who have issues with him are now impatient for us to get engaged! Wow. It makes me feel shitty, even though I know my SO and I will do things our way, and that everyone has their own personal timeline about getting married. It doesn’t help that my SO just turned 41. Bleh.
I guess I’m just looking for some support and commiseration. . . 🙂 Thanks for listening.