Post # 1
I have a dilemma regarding our guestlist. Almost every single person I would want at our wedding lives close enough to come. The ones out of state I know for a fact would travel. When it comes down to head count I have 20-25 people who I would really want at my wedding. (Has nothing to do with me not wanting to hurt their feelings). I do have more people I’d feel bad about, but I know I could explain it off to them and everything would be fine.
All of his family lives halfway across the country, and he’s already been married once so we feel weird asking them to travel that far when it’s a second wedding (my first though). So he would basically have 2-5 people depending on the ones we assume would make the trip.
Do I cut down my list to just family to make sure it’s even? The issue for me is that I have never been close to extended family so truly consider my close friends to be family. I just don’t want this to be only about me. This is his wedding, too. I just feel completely torn.
Post # 3
@smilestorm: I would have him call and perhaps ask his relatives if they’d be willing to travel, it is silly to assume they won’t because it is just a second wedding for him.
FI and I have a situation where most of both our families live far out and before even sending out STD we called each and every one to ask them if it’d be possible – a shocking number said they’d love to come and would make their arrangements!
If you make assumptions you may end up getting a bite in the butt if all of his relatives RSVP and you weren’t prepared for so many guests.
But even if the majority cannot come do not shed your list down unless it is a budget issue!
Post # 4
@JessicaJupiter: +1 It’s silly to assume they won’t travel because it’s his second wedding. If they are truly supportive of him, I’m sure that won’t matter to them.
I would invite the 20-25 close people you want there even if your guests far out number his. If the situation were reversed, I would not want my SO to miss out on guests just because they feel bad that I won’t have as many.
Post # 5
@smilestorm: My family is further than his… but closer than his… So I’m still dominating the guest list. YOu can’t help it, I don’t think it’s often where guest lists are perfectly evenly split. As long as the guests that come are supportive of BOTH of you, it’s fine!
Post # 6
I don’t think anyone should dominate the guest list. I think if you are both paying for the wedding then you get equal amount of invites (20 brides family, 20 grooms family, 20 bride & grooms friends for example).
If you end up having more yes RSVP’s than him that is entirely a different thing and can’t be helped. But I think you will be suprised at who will RSVP yes and who will RSVP no regardless of the distance they have to travel.
Post # 7
Thanks for all of your responses.That is a great point we shouldn’t assume. I guess I was going off of his opinion since he knows them best, but I’ll have him call them and see what kind of headcount we get.
Post # 8
@smilestorm: For what its worth, I had about twice as many guests as my husband. My famly is just much larger given that my dad is the oldest of 12 siblings, they all came and brought their children, my cousins. My husband just has a smaller family. We had close to an equal amount of friends. At first I felt kinda bad dominating the guest list, but really we invited the “same people:” friends, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, –I just have more of them.
Post # 9
Short story about me: I have an adopted dad(who raised me) and my stepmom, mom and her boyfriend, two half brothers, and my biological dad and his wife(whom Im close to) top it off with 5 grandparents that puts me at a total of 16 people with a 50 person guest list…
I understand your pain! The only way that I didn’t feel bad about dominating the guest list was to make 25 his…25 mine. That way we are equal, he’ll probably have to leave off a few people and so will I. But like I said, that was the only way that I felt better because I could easily fill up the 50 person guest limit with just my family my adopted dad is one of 8 haha.
If guest limit is not a problem…then I wouldn’t cut down my guest list just to match his no. It’s understandable if your family is closer or what have you. 😀
Post # 10
I don’t think you should cut down your side of the guestlist just to match his. If they’re all people you would want to be there, they should be–regardless of any inequity. This might be a prime situation where a B list could come into play… especially if many of his invites surprise you by RSVPing ‘yes’ as PPs have suggested. You’ll all be family at the end of the day anyway! 🙂
Post # 11
I guess I’ll just have to a) hope more of his family than we think will show up and b) just be okay with it.
I’ll just have to make sure there are only enough seats for the amount of guests coming so some will sit on his side because like emtimme said, we’ll all be family when it’s done!
Thanks everyone for your reassurance. 🙂