Post # 1
Last night FI was upset because everyone keeps telling him HOW to have our wedding & what to do, etc. Mostly its his mom. She wants us to make invitations for these people that are her old family friends who have never met FI. Yesterday his dad agreed this wasn’t a good idea but NOW his dad wants us to do this too. The dad says we didn’t make an announcement, so an invitation will work. We really don’t want to make & then send out invitations to people we’ve never met at our wedding. Let alone inviting around 40 people we don’t know, they know a lot of people but they’re all on the east coast & most likely they won’t come BUT I am not about to send invites to people we don’t want to come. We’re hand making the invites so it’ll take a lot of time to make extra.
FI told his parents they could go get an announcement (like at walmart) & make one for those people, or type something up, but we didn’t want to make an invitation for them. FI already explained it would cost too much. But they insist on invitations for those people. I’m a little worried that his parents are going to invite people we don’t know to the wedding.
Mostly FI is just out of sorts & doesn’t really know what to do. He’s super frustrated cause his parents keep telling him to include his cousins in the wedding by being ushers or flower girls or this or that & we don’t want that. Or how to do this or that. I told him to just ignore it, but its at the point where he can’t. Idk how to help him 🙁
Post # 3
HUGS, i am in the same boat!
we custom ordered our invitations… i only have 100 sets and i do not want to use them to send to guests that FIL’s are obligated to send invites to (since they were previously invited).
what FI and i are doing is making a list of all of the ppl… and doing a yes, no, maybe of them… (all of them – at least the obligatory invites will be diff invites than our set, prolly a box set from michael’s using a coupon)… and then we will determine on how likely the “yes’s” are… etc.
we’re trying not to stress about it, cuz FIL’s keep telling us that most of them are “no’s” as they are older… and they don’t like to travel.
try to be understanding of your FI being caught in the middle. and keep your head up! you’ll figure out a solution!!
Post # 4
Hmm that’s a good idea. I’m paying for the wedding myself, his parents can’t afford to help & FI has no job & my mom does help a little… but 90% of the wedding $ is on me. I don’t want to send official invitations to them because what if they come? I like your idea of using something else instead.
I might just go to the store & pick up a box of wedding announcements & give them those. I mean, I can get a pack at the $1 store or walmart & the parents will be happy. I’ll make sure FI is ok with this 1st. I just would feel bad about doing this because then the parents might keep suggesting more & more things to FI & he can’t handle too much more from them.
Post # 5
Announcements are a GREAT idea!
Stick to your ground, respectfully. Tell them you’ll consider what they’re suggesting and then later come back and tell them that you’ve discussed it together and while you understand why they think it’s important, it isn’t going to be feasible. Then explain that you’ve decided to do announcements as a way of including these far away relatives.
Post # 6
I think your fiance needs to stop listenig to everyone. There is no one right way to do a wedding. About the invites though I think that it is a great idea to get a set of plain ones to send out to these other people. Or make a deal with his parents that they pay for the invites that they want to send.
Personally we’re sending out lots of obligatory invites knowing those people won’t come but they’ll be greatly offended if they don’t even get an invite… it doesn’t bother me because we’re chooseing cheaper invites as I didn’t feel like they were the most important thing as they’ll be tossed in the trash anyway.
Post # 7
Its so wierd, the parents think their friends would be offended not to get an announcement. FI says there’s no way they would spend hundreds for a plane ticket plus take time off work to come to a wedding of someone they’ve never met. FI is going to make something on the computer & then his parents can print it out if they want to give them to people. I’m much more comfortable with that, because it won’t have all the details of the wedding like an invitation would.
& FI isn’t doing what his parents suggest, he keeps telling them we’re doing it our own way. They want flower girls, we don’t. They want a more traditional wedding for us, but we’ve already decided (& told them) we want a non-traditional wedding. Talking to the parents won’t help, FI will get suggestions almost every day.
Post # 8
I virtually pat your fiance on his back. It’s SOOO hard to stand up to our parents no matter how old we get. Your fiance’s parents remind me of my fiance’s grandmother. She says things like “Your MOH is supposed to be doing that” and “Your shoes should be white”. It finally took Mr. JB going “look grandma I love you. We both love you. But this is our wedding and we’re doing it Jellybean’s way” (though I much prefer it if it were our way). And she didn’t cut it out to begin with. But he would just cut her off. And I finally stepped in and went “Grandmother, we’re doing this our way. Weddings aren’t as cookie cutter as they once were. We really want to bring out ‘us’ in our day. We prefer doing it _______ way” or on the shoe thing “Actually, suprisingly a lot of brides are dying their shoes blue and even red and other colors. It looks very striking and a very unique way to get in the something blue” Now she suggests things like “I think ______ would look nice. What do you think?” And things of that nature. You might have to stand up to the in laws for them to get the clue and it will probably take numerous times.
Best of Luck!
Post # 9
I can sympathise with you. FI and I made our decisions about OUR wedding and all was rosey! Then FMIL had a few quiet words with FI and now he’s guilt ridden and wondering if OUR decisions were right! It’s so wrong of ppl to put us in this situation. It’s hard on FI as he doesn’t want to upset his mum. None of her friends talk to me they actually act like i dont exist if i’m around them and i dont want them at our wedding! I dont think you should be made to have ppl at YOUR wedding if you dont want them. I say stand your ground! It is horrible but they have had their wedding day, kids, etc and made their decisions and now it’s your turn. If you are inviting them then maybe suggest they help out with making the invites? Good luck!