My preschooler said, "I'm going to kill you"

posted 2 years ago in Parenting
Post # 2
Member
4797 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

bride21:  Can the school talk to your husband about it? Maybe that way he’ll see how serious it really is. As for making your son understand, I don’t know if that’ll be too easy. Children are sponges and he’s clearly absorbing the things your husband says. It’s too bad your husband doesn’t understand that.

Post # 3
Member
976 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think you need to stop being the middleman and have your husband talk to the teacher. When he hears from the school that they are no-nonsense and will suspend your son (which will impact his records and view of school for YEARS to come), maybe he will get responsible.

 

Post # 4
Hostess
9892 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

bride21:  YIKES!  Your hubby needs to get on board and realize that his behaviour absolutely influences his kids and his ‘it’s my house’ logic is flawed.  The kids take it out of the house and therefore it impacts others.

If he can’t play the games without cursing etc maybe he shouldn’t be playing them around your son (I think the games are bad for kids regardless but that’s a whole other conversation).  Your DH needs to realize that he has a child who is a sponge and he needs to behave in a way that is appropriate for a 4 year old to both behave and witness.

Post # 5
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

bride21: This is bad, especially since all the school shootings, stabbings, etc. I would freak if anyone threatened my preschool niece, even in jest.  

Your son is 4 — he clearly doesn’t understand what he’s saying and why it’s bad. His daddy can swear and kill people in games, but he can’t do it at school because school is not a game. 

Does the school have a psychologist? Maybe have that person talk to your husband, because you don’t want your kid labeled as a problem kid if he’s just exploring the world. 

 

Post # 6
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

My son is 4 as well. He hasn’t said anything bad in school yet BUT he has threatened to kill me multiple times. He went away on a weekend to see his dad and his dads mother and came home saying this. It completely blew me away. He definetly got in trouble and he hasn’t said it since but the first couple days he was back he said it a few times.  I admit I do have a nasty habit of cussing like a sailor but I’ve toned it down a lot. My daughter who is 9 had a period of time where she would get mad and escape to her room and scream cuss words. She has since stopped. My son will yell at you if you say a cuss word around hi so I don’t see him repeating any any time soon.  I would sit your husband down and tell him You have to have a serious talk with him. Explain to him how his cussing and violent gaming is effectig your child.  

Post # 7
Member
6740 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Your husband needs to grow up. He needs to act in a way that presents a good role model for your son. Does he really think he can yell/cuss without your child modeling that behavior? Time to nip this in the butt now before he gets into real school because they won’t tolerate this kind of behavior.

Post # 8
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I hope this is a wake-up call for your husband. The ONLY way to get your son to stop talking like that is to stop talking like that at home. Period. Don’t allow that talk from anyone, anywhere, and he’ll get the picture. Your husband needs to get on board with this — does he realize your son could be suspended?

Post # 9
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Parents can’t teach what they don’t model. Your husband is deluding himself if he thinks that your son will not repeat the actions and words he sees at home, outside of the home.

Post # 10
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

bride21:  At this age, kids are sponges! Your husband should speak with the teacher if that will make him realize that while he can technically do and say what he wants in his house, it is all absorbed. Most sons idolize their fathers and will repeat the stuff their father’s say and do. I have had this discussion with my FI, as he plays video games a lot. I’ve basically told him that I don’t want him playing violent video games when our kids watch, he can have his own room or do it when they’re asleep. This is pretty serious and hopefully you have some luck nipping it in the butt.

Post # 12
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

I can see the point of view that if the dad hears it from the school, he’ll understand they mean business. But as a teacher, I don’t necessarily think it’s the best idea for the teacher to explain anything other than the consequences of the son’s actions. It’s not our job to tell people how to raise their children. It’s the mother’s job to get her husband on board with how to parent. As teachers and administrators, we can only enforce the rules and give consequences when they are broken. The dad needs to get his head out of his ass and realize that children that age mimic what they see like crazy. He also needs to start living each day by the mind-set that he’s a role model for his son in all that he does and that his son sees and hears everything. It’s the mom’s place to tell him that, not ours. 

Post # 13
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

bride21:  your 4 year old’s idea of playtime involves shooting toy guns and killing his sister? i would say it’s time for some new toys that are constructive and positive, that don’t prioritize violence and killing people. he’s four! 

also – why is your husband playing those types of games around your kids? shouldn’t he be doing something WITH them instead of playing violent video games and screaming? maybe you could look into some games everyone could play together, like wii etc or some family activities like board games, soccer etc. your husband should be saving those video games for when the kids aren’t around. there’s a reason they aren’t rated for 4 year olds. 

i’m sorry this is happening but it’s definitely time to make some constructive rules for your family and think about how their leisure time is going to impact them. time spent pretending to kill people isn’t time well spent in my opinion. 

Post # 14
Member
10489 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

While I agree that your DH should curb some of the words he uses while your son is around, but I also think your son needs to learn there are situational rules.  Everything that is allowed at home isn’t necessarily allowed a school.  Adults are allowed to do some thing that he is not.

Post # 15
Member
703 posts
Busy bee

bride21:  ban the video games while the kids are up as that seems the root of the problem. I don’t understand grown ups that play video game anyway how do they have the time after work and everything else?! Most of these games are for over 18’s so your kids shouldn’t be anywhere around this. 

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