Post # 1
I’m not sure where to start.
I didn’t have a very good childhood, and as a result I’ve suffered from terrible anxiety and depression for my whole life. In December I got engaged and moved in with my FI. Things were going well until recently.
I’ve become unemployed and I’ve been really stressed out about finding a job. My anxiety and depression have been hitting me full force. My adoptive parents aren’t very supportive and my aunts, uncles, and cousins aren’t really that close to me because I was adopted later in life. Because of my anxiety I don’t really have any friends anymore either, because I never go out. I’ve been feeling really bad for my FI because he is essentially the only person that has been there for me, and I know it’s hard for him.
He’s really focused on graduate school right now, and he works hard time. He’s been losing patience with me and we’re starting to not be able to communicate. I feel as though it has reached a new low because we just can’t seem to come to an agreement where both of us understand each other and have our feelings validated. We fight worse when we talk.
For the past couple days we haven’t been talking. I’ve been staying in a separate room. We tried to talk again tonight, but we still both feel angry at one another.
I want to be the bigger person, and just go in there and make up. But it doesn’t feel that easy. I’m mad that he is mad at me for being depressed and taking it personally. I do feel bad that we just got engaged and moved in together and life has been nothing but depressing because of all the stuff I’m putting us through with my unemployment and subsequent depression.
I just don’t know what to do and I was hoping maybe someone has some suggestions or something like that.
Post # 3
Sometimes, when life gets like that, I would take a step back and imagine how my life would be without my SO. The thought fills me with dread and I feel grateful to have him.
If instead, you feel relief and freedom, then obviously it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.
But, if you DO really want to be with your SO, then I would spend a little bit of time away from him. Maybe take a couple of nights away with friends or family. But, make sure he knows you’re not mad at him, just that you need time off.
After you’ve cooled down, cook him dinner or make him something and enjoy the night with him without talking about ANY serious issues. Just enjoy a night in.
Then the next day, bring it up to him and suggest you want to write a letter to him discussing how you feel and what’s bothering you. he can do the same. Just putting it in words can help leaps.
Hope this helps!
Post # 4
You need to get your depression and anxiety under control. You need to start going to therapy (there should be free/low cost providers in your area) and seeing if you need to be put on medication. I would also try to find a support group. Anything to try to make some friends outside of FI.
I would explain the FI that you are dealing with an illness that changes your personality, but you are still the same person. You just feel like you are drowning and you see now that he has tried to be your lifeguard and you are starting to pull him under with you. Tell him you need a little patience and you will be getting help.
Try to learn as much as you can about depresion. I recommend the Depression and Anxiety book by Daniel Amen and the web site Crazy Meds.
If you cant do this on your own, ask FI to find a free-low cost provider for you (some days for me I had trouble even getting up to go to the bathroom).
If you can, try to get outside. Walk around the block. Fresh air, sunshine and exercise are great for depression.
Good Luck–remember this is a disease, this isnt you.
Post # 5
You should go up to him and just say you want to fix this. Both of you should just meet in the middle and be reasonable with each other. Tell him you love him.
I know what it’s like to not be connected to your own family. Try connecting with his. It’s not the same but still it’s nice to have.