- 5 years ago
Hey Bees! Regular poster, secret account. I’m usually completely open on here, but I’ve posted a few pics on here and just in case I know someone in real life, I’d rather not have my name on this for the time being…
And I’ll try not to make this super emotional, but I need some advice. I’ve been with my SO for 2 years. In the beginning, it was great. He’s a great guy, super smart, ambitious, outgoing, and likeable. On paper, we look like the perfect couple. And for awhile, we were. We have the same goals, dreams, love each other and each other’s families, great chemistry, never fought, just all around great relationship.
Things eventually weren’t picture perfect but pretty close. We had a few arguments, but couples do that. We worked through them and moved on. Then he took a 8 month long job 10 hours away. To say things have been tense is the very least. I truly don’t enjoy my relationship anymore. We argue a lot, I feel like he doesn’t talk to me with respect anymore. Some things he says to me tear me down instead of building me up. And somethings just seem plain mean. I leave most conversations feeling unhappy. I don’t even like talking to him.
It’s just a lot of little things, but it’s stuff like:
1. If he has a bad day at work, he’ll take it out on me. He’ll be grumpy and moody and nothing I do or say helps.
2. He’s made little remarks about how I should go to the gym, and tone up. I’m a size 4 so he’s not saying I’m fat, just that I could use toning. He tends to be very critical of himself and other people. Not just in looks, but in how they live their lives. He’s very critical of himself as well, but he’s literally said “people should make themselves live up to my high expectations.” He’s called me unambitious, and said that I lack motivation, and in general mocks my job saying it’s not a real job (I started my own business from home, and it’s doing very well), and that he’s going to have to earn all of our money when we’re married (therefore he is the sole decision maker in how it is spent.)
3. He says he wonders about us and our relationship sometimes. Like whether it’s actually going to last or not. Because we’re polar opposites, both in personality and not sharing any hobbies or anything.
4.Whenever I point out something he does or says that makes me feel bad, he’s like “Whatever, I’m an asshole and it’s your own fault for being with me.”
But I love him, even if I don’t like him right now. We’re not married yet, but we’re planning on getting engaged this fall (have the ring picked out) and we’re planning on a small beach wedding next year. We have our life planned, it reads like a storybook, even though it doesn’t feel like one. I hate feeling this way, and I keep telling myself it’s the distance. But what if it’s not? I’m scared I’m going to get married and we’ll be unhappy and get divorced.
Advice Bees? I didn’t want to put a poll, because I think its super weird to base my relationship on some statistics, but I’d love your input and support. Thanks ladies!