My relationship with my brother stinks….

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Have you tried talking to him – not him and the wife, just him?

Post # 4
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@chercee:  I could have written this same post word for word, except about my younger sister.  Ugh.  They are expecting too and it is the ONLY thing they care about.  

I also have asked questions and gotten the, “fine” response.  Then she walked away!

I don’t have advice but just wanted you to know that I am in the same sibling boat. 🙁

Post # 5
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yep, this happened with FI’s older brother and his wife, right after she got pregnant/they had the baby. They’re basically pod people now. All they care about is themselves. They’ll show up in town, unannounced, show up at someone’s house, unannounced, and expect to be accommodated (they showed up at our apartment unannounced, and I was damn near naked; I slammed the door to the room that I was in and texted FI that they needed to GTFO of my house). They’ll show up whenever they feel like it and fuck your plans. Oh, and they’ll leave early and unannounced. They were in town and came to FMIL’s for lunch (late) and then FI’s SIL randomly grabbed the kid and walked out the door and put him in the car and never came back in to say goodbye or that they were leaving. FI’s brother picked up the rest of their stuff and was like, “Oh, [the kid] isn’t good with transitions,” and then left. WTF???

I don’t like FI’s SIL at all, so I don’t communicate with her at all, but I swear to god, she has said/typed to me, five times, VERBATIM: “Oh, we’re so excited for the wedding. I hear everything’s coming along great. We’ve got our bad dance moves ready.” Word for word, no joke. She knows NOTHING about the wedding at all, has never asked or tried to ask, nothing.

The best part is that they went from not using Facebook at all (they had profiles that they never used, but SIL had two, one “real” one and one “fake” one that only certain people–me, FI, FI’s siblings–were allowed on and would deny the request to the “real” one) to suddenly adding a million pictures and posting 30 status updates a day and making one for their 2.5 year old son. >.<

Post # 6
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Ya I don’t have a relationship with my brother and we live in the same house! He is anti social, mooches off of my parents and is self centered. Until he grows out of this behavior, I don’t ever see us having a relationship.

Sometimes it just doesn’t work. But I do know that if he ever needed me, I would be there for him. I hope that he would feel the same way, but who knows.

Post # 8
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I cannot imagine not having a relationship with my brother and his fiance!!  My father has no relationship with his father, sister, and two of his 3 brothers.  Its horrible, awkward (since they live in the same small community), and stressful for him. 

Post # 9
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@chercee:  I would talk to him about it. If nothing changed, I wouldn’t keep in contact. Relationships can’t be one sided and being family doesn’t give you an all access pass to treat each other like crap. No, thanks. I don’t need that in my life.

Post # 10
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@chercee:  We ended up asking his brother to step down as best man. We weren’t asking a lot of our bridal party, but when he finally told us two months to the wedding (sixteen months after we got engaged/picked a date) that they didn’t know if they could afford to come to the wedding, that was the final straw. I *think* they’re coming, and he’s just going to be a groomsman. Unfortunately, FI wants him second to the best man, which I don’t agree with, but whatever. His brother is getting no slack from me, so whatever. I expect them to be late to the rehearsal, even though they know what time it is AND got an actual paper invitation to it. That’s okay, we’ll start without him because I’m not waiting for people who refuse to acknowledge that they aren’t the center of the universe. I won’t wait for him on the wedding day, either, and FI knows that.

Post # 11
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I wouldn’t make any grand gestures towards them or extend yourself too much or bend over backwards in trying to get them to change.  Keep it civil for your future niece/nephew and make an effort to see the child.  Limti your interactions with them as a couple – seems like they are draining.

Post # 13
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@chercee:  I guess I don’t mind drama if it spares my sanity. Some people just aren’t worth having in your life. I couldn’t spend my free time sacrificing and associating with people who add no value. I’m lucky to be close to all of my siblings, but that is not the case with all of their partners. I don’t care if I seem them or their kids less because my SIL is such a stupid bitch. I’m actually grateful!

Post # 14
Member
1254 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@chercee:  Sorry, I didn’t get a chance to read through all of your answers so far, but all I can say is I am sort of in the same position as you are. Except for it is my mother who doesn’t put any work into our relationship. If she calls, it is always only to complain about her life or share her problems. Never ever has she asked me how I am doing. When I call her and want to share my frustrations, it always turns out to be my problem somehow. I am always the one to blame for anything. So I just stopped caring and putting any effort into our relationship. Maybe you too would just accept that your relationship with your brother is not going to become a close one anytime soon and move on. Unfortunately, there is nothing else to do!

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