- 2 weeks ago
- Wedding: May 2017
Parents divorced in January 2016, my mildly disabled brother lives with her (he can’t drive but can take care of himself, and he does stock at a retail store). Mom initially moved into an apartment to get started and worked at a dental office. She hated both so quit her job and bought a home. She now works at a doctor’s office. She gets a hefty monthly amount from my Dad and brother gets disability benefits. My Mom always claimed having a home and a steady income was all she wanted to make her happy. She struggled to adjust as expected. She doesn’t have hardly any friends and has stopped talking to most of her siblings. She only speaks to one of her sisters now.
It has now been a year and a half since the divorce and my Mom continues to struggle as if the separation happened yesterday. Shes always moping around, sad, and in a “down in the dumps” mood. Every time I call her she sounds so sad on the phone, and spending any extended amount of time with her is painful because I feel as if her sadness rubs off on me. I believe she is on antdepressants but refuses to go to counseling. She makes no attempt to make friends or put forth effort in the few friendships she has. She claims she “never gets to do anything” and “is always home, bored” but doesn’t take an opportunities to change this. My husband and I live an hour away and have invited her over multiple times, 4 times in the last 2 months to be exact. Either she cancels on me last minute or doesn’t respond to my text messages. I’ve made so many efforts to get her out of the house. My Mom and I used to best friends, but her depression has really taken a toll on our relationship.
Bees, you know how when you spend time around negative people, it kinda rubs off on you and damper your mood? Thats how I feel with my Mom. I’ve made so many attempts to help her in ways I can without success. But at the same time, spending time with her is hard. Because of this I find myself spending alot of time with my husband’s family, and shes made comments about it as if it upsets her, yet she makes no effort on her end. I sort of feel, at this point, that I can’t help her if she doesn’t want to help herself”. She is my Mom and I love her, but I’m running out of steam myself. Its hard to be happy and share my success with my mother who hasn’t seen the positive in anything in a long time. I don’t know how else to help her.
I guess this is just a vent and looking for some words of advice.