Post # 1
The day I had asked guests to respond by for the wedding has now passed and I’m still missing nearly half of the response cards. I guess this happens more often then I’d have thought. Since I’m only inviting about sixty people I would have guessed I’d have received more by now.
I know I should wait about a week in case people put them in the mail the day they were “due”, but after that? I mentioned to FI we should start calling people once it’s been a week after the respond by date to see if they are coming. He said it would come off as rude and we should just assume they aren’t coming at that point. What do you think? I feel like what if someone forgot? Lost the card? It got lost in the mail?
We put the entree options on the response cards and we need to tell our venue what the final count is and what everyone’s food choices are about two weeks before the wedding.
What did other brides/grooms do? Did you make calls? If so at what point? Thanks!
Post # 3
I would call. I’m rubbish at remembering dates and I might have put it on my fridge thinking “oh yea, I’ll do that” and then time flies… etc. I know it’s not an excuse, but some people might like a little reminder.
If they’re not coming and they’ve not responded, that’s rude, so don’t worry about thinking you’re being rude by calling them. They should let you know either way.
🙂 Get those numbers finalised!
Post # 4
@BriansBride: You can’t just assume the non-responders aren’t coming. Some people are just lazy, while you always get a few of well-meaning people who just forget to respond.
Wait a few days and then start phoning people. Don’t email or text: phone and speak to them in person. We did that, and got a firm “yes” or “no” from everyone. Our numbers were exactly right except for 2 people who got sick.
If they’re rude enough to say they’re not sure if they’re coming, say “I’ll have to take that as a ‘no’ then”.
Post # 5
I would call. You don’t want to assume they’re not coming and then have them show up.
Post # 6
I would call them, maybe wait a few days like you said, incase there are some in the post. You dont want people turning up on the day who didnt respond and you put them down as not coming, it would cause more stress for you on the day. When calling maybe first ask if they received the invite? Saying that you were afraid some got lost in the post.
As others have said, its rude of them not to respond so don’t worry about thinking you’re sounding rude, they should of responded in the first place! 🙂
Post # 7
You’re allowed to call and it’s not rude.
Post # 8
@BriansBride: what is rude is not RSVPing. Call guests in a week or two to get their response. It’s not rude and it’s not wise to assume people aren’t coming because there are people whol will show up!
Post # 9
@BriansBride: It’s not rude to call. The guests who didn’t RSVP are the rude ones. I think it would be a mistake to assume they’re not coming. If they show and the caterer doesn’t have enough food or the venue enough seating, that will be awkward.
If you call, don’t mention the missing RSVP – just ask how they and then steer the conversation to the wedding and ask if they’re coming. “Oh, hello Aunt Sylvia! How are you? Oh me? I’ve been busy planning the wedding. By the way, I do need to give the venue and caterer a final guest count and was wondering if you and Uncle Fester will be able to join us?”
Be prepared to handle nonsense – if they tell you maybe, say you hope they will be able to make it work but that you will need a definite answer by x date.
If they try to add extra guests, tell them that won’t be possible.
If you try to reach them and can’t and they don’t respond to your message, call back and leave another message saying you’re sorry they won’t be able to join you but that you hope you can get together after the wedding. This is a nice way of saying don’t come.
Post # 10
I’d either call after a few days or have that side’s parent’s call if it’s a parent invitation. It is not rude to call, and it’s not smart to assume them as a no!
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Give a few days, then send an email- we sent something like this, which worked wonders:
“Hi, just want to check on your RSVP for our DATE wedding. We know how easy it is for deadlines to slip pass, and our caterer needs final numbers. If we don’t hear back from you by DATE, we’ll have to assume you’re a no. Hope you can join us for the big day.”
It’s so easy for people to misplace invites- it’s definitely not rude to follow up! Or call if you’re more comfortable with that.
Post # 12
We had a large number of people who didn’t respond. One claimed to have put it in the mail long ago. Others simply forgot. Some honestly did not know yet because they had to really figure out their work schedule and were trying their hardest to make it. So definitely call – it’s not rude. Everyone does it.
I think waiting a week is good in case people put it in last minute, but I wouldn’t hold your breath on getting many more.
Post # 14
I’d give a decent buffer as you did and then start making actual phone calls, wording just as Zhabeego suggests with no direct reference to their RSVP. I would not leave a message on their machine or voicemail unless it proved completely impossible to reach them directly. I might use a parent or grandparent to help make some of the calls.
In reality, I’d attempt to reach right up until the caterer’s drop dead guarantee date before assuming a no. If one or two are unsure for very good reason, I would count them as a no for the guarantee, but be willing to hold their place right up until the day. The caterers around here are always flexible enough to add in a handful last minute, but once you guarantee the numbers you are committed to paying for the meals.
Post # 15
We were also missing almost half our rsvp’s. We waited about a week and made phone calls. Turns out alot of people forgot to rsvp and said that they were coming to our wedding. We were happy we called b/c we had to give our venue our final numbers.
I suggest to give it a week, and start making phone calls. Because you wouldnt want the situation where they show up and you werent expecting them.
Post # 16
@BriansBride: I would definitely call!! I think that if guests think it’s rude that you’re calling them, it’s just as rude not to reply back before the date stated on the response card.