Post # 1
…I’m stuck in the part of the movie where Miss Bear is all torn up inside and miserable and crying in the shower.
So, here’s the story. It’s Christmas and I’m home from school to be with my family (Mr. Bear had to stay up north to work and will be here in 2 days …thank goodness) I thought that I would spend my holiday break realxing and doing a bunch of wedding planning with my mom and sister, but since I have been here, my mom only wants to talk about divorce… my divorce (no, I’ve never been married or divorced) She was going on and on about how Mr. Bear and I should do premarital conseling now because divorce is really hard, and how it is better to figure out if things are going to work out now rather than split up after you get married and maybe we should go on Dr. Phil… all while I am making quiche on CHRISTMAS MORNING!!!
Here are her issues: Mr. Bear is a waiter and has 2 kids (by the same woman, never married) I am in Medical school. He is 28. I’m 31. Bottom line, she thinks I’m too good for him. She said “when I look at the plus column and the minus column, it just doesn’t add up to the same decision to me”
And so it goes on and on, and it breaks my heart.
We are not children, we know what we are doing. And yes, I know that ON PAPER he is not a “Great Catch”, but he is a fabulous, kind, gentle, and loving man and father. He will not be wealthy, but he will and alway has paid his bills, and I should be able to make a very nice living when I am Dr. Bear. We are hardly headed for a life of poverty.
And tonight when I told my brother in law what was going on, he basically agreed with her. It feels so awful to not have the support of your family. It makes me wonder why I am even planning a big wedding if people will sit through it wondering when we will split up.
Why are people so cynical and heartless? What do I do? How do you take your vows in front of people who don’t support your marriage? How do you not invite your mother? help help help…
Post # 3
((HUGS)) just tell them that his sex makes up for his income and keep it moving 😀 (okay sorry that wasn’t the right thing to say but it was totally the first thing that came to mind!!)
Post # 4
LOL @ crebre – um…. I don’t think you should tell them that!
I don’t exactly have advice for you, but I am sorry you are going through this. I know this is probably not very helpful, but you have to remember that YOU are the one marrying him. As much as you want the support from your family, just realize that they aren’t making the decisions for you. They should trust you to make the best decisions for yourself, and as long as he treats you well, rich or not, that is all that should matter to them. I hope that they can come to terms with it all, and be supportive and happy for you on your big day!
Post # 5
Has your family has a chance to spend much time with him? If not, it may simply be a matter of them not yet having had a chance to see what you see in him.
He sounds amazing to me; his job shouldn’t be your primary concern when finding someone to love! If he were a deadbeat I might be saying differently, but he sounds great!
Post # 6
shrugging my shoulders it was totally the first thing that came to mind!!
Post # 7
crebre- LMAO!! Thanks for making me smile. Maybe I should tell her that, especially since she likes to tell me that my dad was never good in bed *BLAH* TMI mom!!
daydream- That’s the really crappy part. She has spent time with him. She has seen him with me, she has seen him taking care of the kids (and remarked at how he does such a good job) and he even took her out to dinner with his mom (I wasn’t even there). So she knows him. She says he’s a nice guy, but then she’ll turn around and say I deserve better. She’s been conflicted about it for a while. We even had a big blow up about it last christmas (before we were engaged) I told her it made me feel awful, and I would hate the idea of her not coming to my wedding if we got married. She appologied and said she wanted me to be happy and wouldn’t do anything to push me away because she didn’t want to lose me… and here we are again.
Post # 8
In all honesty, I’d sit her down and say, “Look, Mom, even you have admired what kind of a person he is with his kids and that he can be a good provider for them, and I know he’ll be the same about me. I understand you have your doubts, but this is my life, and I would really appreciate it if you could focus on the good. If I make mistakes, I make them, but it is still my life and I am very happy with who I am, with who he is, and with the kind of couple that we are. I hope that you understand this, but if not, please stop with the condescending and very shallow remarks about how he isn’t good enough–because he is more than good enough to me, and that should be good enough for you.”
And after that, if she really does have the audacity to speak up, remind her of what you said and politely excuse yourself from the room. It’s none of her business what you see in him, and if she sees she doesn’t have an audience she’ll stop talking about it.
Post # 9
@Teddy Bears: PERFECT COMEBACK THEN!! She’ll definitely go mum on that one and nod her head :D…