(Closed) my SIL is trying to sabotage my wedding

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2765 posts
Sugar bee

I think most people can probably see that she’s acting a bit crazy… so they’ll discount a lot of what she says.

In the meantime, can your brother do something here?

Post # 4
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

This is a really tough one. I think that it maybe hard, but ignore the FB stuff. I would also talk to your Future Mother-In-Law see if she has any ideas on how to improve your relationship with  her. Also, reply back to her email about the hair and makeup. Say that you are sorry for any misunderstanding, but you were including the prices so they could decide if they wanted to pay for the services themselves.

Post # 5
2765 posts
Sugar bee

If you do reply to the emails, you probably should strip her out of the distribution list… or you could reply to each person separately.

Post # 6
2397 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’ll bet everyone in your party already knows your SIL is being ridiculous judging by her actions thus far.   If you’re still concerned, I would just talk to each of your bridesmaids individually and let them know the sitatuation with her.

I agree with Mr. Bee, can’t your brother say something to her?  There’s no reason for her to be acting like that. 

Post # 7
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Thats just crazy!  No one should be posting on their facebook about you!  Although I would def want to kick her butt out of the wedding…it’s prob not the best idea since she will be family!  I think its extremely rude she is not going to participate in your bacherlete party and bridal shower!  HOW RUDE can you be?!  I would say just kill her wit kindness. This way you still look like the bigger person and it makes her look even worse!  What a party pooper!  I wish diareah upon her! 🙂

Post # 8
1816 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I agree with the above posters.  If your SIL is being ridiculous and you do not feel like you can properly address the situation…talk to your brother.  And, as Blueshoes mentioned, if you are worried about how your other BMs are viewing her actions, discuss the situation with your bridesmaids individually — they are your closet friends after all.  They will understand.

As for your SIL not coming to your bridal shower and bachelorette party, it may not be such a bad thing.  On the one hand, it sucks she isn’t helping your other BMs with the work/cost, however, she will not be there to make a scene.

If there is nothing to be done about her behavior, I would just be the bigger person and let her remain in the wedding party.  I see above that your wedding is only a few months away.  It is probably worth it just to keep the peace/not give her any more ammo to use against you for the remainder of your relationship. 

Sorry lady!  I wish you didn’t have to deal with this. 🙁

Post # 9
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Honestly, I know ignoring the facebook stuff is probably best, but I would be really really tempted to post something calm and reasonable like “SIL, you know I never asked you to do anything of the sort.  If you have a concern about the dresses please call me and we can discuss it like adults.”  I have NEVER understood why people think it’s ok to post bad things about their friends on facebook.  Someone needs to start pointing out how inappropriate this behavior is to teach these people how to act. ugh.  I’m sorry you have to deal with this.  Just ignore her and roll your eyes.  I know it sucks, but kicking her out will only cause family discord and make her increase the drama.  After the wedding just be coldly civil to her and never ask her to do anything for you again.

Post # 10
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with Mr Bee sort of- Although it is very unfair and frustrating, others probably pick up on this behavior and it makes her look bad. There is a girl who is coming to our wedding who just trash talks everything she is jealous of. And I went to a wedding this summer, she happened to be there, being very rude and complaining all day. Fiance just told me, if she does that at our wedding, everyone is gonna just roll their eyes because they all know how she is.

It still isnt fair that you have to put up with that behavior. have you talked to your bro about it? It so unfair, Im sorry 🙁

Post # 11
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think your brother needs to have a serious conversation with his wife. Regardless of her feelings about the wedding she did/did not have, she has no business spreading lies about her FAMILY…especially not on FB. If she doesn’t want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man…she should be woman enough to come out and say it and not try to stress you out as much as she possibly can. If she doesn’t want to attend the bridal shower and bachelorette party, good fer her….that’s two events you don’t have to worry about dealing with her negativity. I wouldn’t kick her out of the bridal party but I also wouldn’t dignify her antics with a response, other than speaking to your brother. Have a meeting with the BMs that actually support you and go over all the things you need to…then send her a separate e-mail. That way…replying to all and stirring up drama won’t be an option for her.



Post # 12
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wow, she sounds like a handful! I agree with Mr.Bee – crazy people like that are obvious and no one in their right mind takes them seriously. Even if she’s the type to appear nice and sane at first, in the end they will know her for who she is and discount all her lies.

My biggest advice is to tell close family about how you feel and get their opinion. This way if she acts all abused, people will already know the truth.

Post # 14
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yuck, this sounds like a mess.  I’m really sorry. 

I agree with everyone about talking to your brother and your bridesmaids about the situation.  My one bit of advice is to not do any of this over email, especially if any of your bridesmaids are also friends with her.  I think everyone involved will agree that she’s being really irrational, but if she ever sees an email in which you talk about her (whether it’s to her husband, or one of the bridesmaids) I think you’ll never hear the end of it.  I can just imagine what she’d post on Facebook then!  Of course the odds of anyone passing an email on to her might be low, but you never know.  Or she might sneak into your brother’s email.  If you call people, or talk to them in person, at least your words (which she could completely misinterpret or manipulate or selectively edit) won’t wind up posted on her Facebook page!  

Good luck, whatever you end up doing!

Post # 15
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

mtkripsmc, I totally feel for you!!!

i have fsil issues too and they’re totally a mess. you don’t want to encourage drama because it will just come back to you and be a headache when you already have enough things to be worried about but who the H does this chick think she is sometimes? i totally get it.

i would try to swallow all of the snarkiness and literally just pretend like you don’t even notice it. don’t say anything more to your brother or your fam, just talk to like your best friend about it so you can vent (or do it on here and we’ll validate you), but don’t even show that you notice anything.

maybe i’m really manipulative, but there’s no better way to piss someone off than show her she’s not even on your radar.

good luck!

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