my sis in law told me i can't use one of the names we like

posted 2 years ago in Names
Post # 2
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

lilchicana:  If you love it, use it! She’s being kinda ridiculous calling dibs. It’s a name not the last donut. If she beats you to it then good for her and there are other lovely names. If you get there first then you name your child whatever you want to name him/her and she’ll get over it. 

Post # 3
450 posts
Helper bee

This is a non existent problem since nobody can own exclusive rights to a name and neither of you actually have a baby to name either!

It isn’t all that unusual for the same name to be used in families anyway and it is a matter of preference for you whether you would find this confusing or inconvenient.

Also bear in mind that despite what you officially call your child they may not get known as it  especially when they are young!  My son, daughters and nieces were known as ChazzieB, Maleficient, Rosebud, Lollipop and Baby Landa and I can assure you this is not what they were christened!!

My advice therefore would be not to worry about baby names now but consider carefully the info you do share with your sis in law if this is her attitude!

Post # 4
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You can’t call dibs on a baby name.

Post # 5
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June, 2014

Since you’re both old enough to be making babies, I assume you’re not 6 years old. Cripes, it’s a baby name, not shotgun. She doesn’t get to “call” it. If you and your DH love the name and you have a baby first, use the name you love. Besides, either of you could change your mind about names between now and then. Don’t limit your name selection because your SIL is immature. 

Post # 6
1499 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t worry about it, seriously. When you do have a child, name them whatever you please. We were with a bunch of friends recently and were throwing out names hypothetically as none of us have kids… turns out one name was on most of my close friends lists. One friend seemed really bother by it, but honestly, if someone in our group had a girl and decided to name her that name, we will be ok. There are billions of other names to choose from.

Post # 7
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

This is why I stopped telling people names I liked. Three of my friends named their children names I had said I was picking. Guess what? I got over it AND I didn’t end up having children anyway. (Also I thought of WAY cooler ones, ha ha.)  


Post # 9
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

lilchicana:  I think you should take it a step further: don’t tell *anyone* names you like. We didn’t tell anyone. If you don’t tell people, then (a) they can’t criticise it, and (b) as in your case, no one can try to call dibs. If you must tell someone, tell your best friend – it doesn’t matter if unrelated kids have the same name.

(And I agree with anyone – no one can call dibs on a name).

Post # 10
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

lilchicana:  This is only a problem of you decide that it is. Personally,  in a case like this, I would decide that I don’t give a shit. Until someone immortalizes a name on an actual birth certificate, I fail to see ANY “claim.” Even then… it’s a name. You can’t open it.

If you are dealing with the type of person who gets mad over something as childish as this, then it’s only a matter of time. If it isn’t this that makes her mad, it will be something it really comes down to YOU deciding how beholden you wish to be to someone with nutso ideas about how much others should structure their lives around her in order to appease her pitiable insecurity.

Do want you want and stop entertaining delusional people like you SIL.

Post # 11
1201 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

lilchicana:  You are waaaay too nice, the phrase “bitch please” would have marched right out of my mouth. This isn’t the passenger seat of the car, no one gets to call shotgun. I wouldn’t give it another thought unless they actually have a kid and call it that name, I am sure first cousins all over the world share names and survive to tell the tale, but that may not be your preference.

Post # 13
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

lilchicana:  I sort of a similar awkward situation… my sister and her SO called dibs on a name that is my FI’s dad’s name. FI’s dad is doing okay but has had a rough health history- there’s a chance our kids won’t know him. And if that happened I feel like FI would want to name our child after him. So this is awkward but I already told my sister I can’t promise her anything! It kind of stinks for them but there are so many names out there to choose from. And if we had to, we could both have kids with that name! New family name!

Post # 14
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My cousin in Spain named her daughter Sofia which is my all time favorite name. When and if I ever have a daughter, I’m naming her Sophia. I could care less if my cousin beat me to it. Besides, they’ll be in different countries anyway so whatever. But it bothered me like crazy when I found out.

You name your child whatever you want. Don’t let her call “dibs”. This isn’t high school. 

Post # 15
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

See, I’d be nice about it, and if I got pregnant first I’d tell her- I talked to FI and he really has his heart set on this name so we are going to use it, I thought I’d let you know.  If she has the right sex baby first it’s gone, but if not it’s fair game.  All you can do is wait until you’re pregnant and then just be nice about using it. 

I dislike having cousins with the exact same name, too close in the family in my opinion.  They can be the same name in a different generation (Uncle and Nephew, Dad and son, etc), but I would never choose the same name in the same generation. 

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