Post # 1
this is mostly a vent than anything else, but first i should say, i am not currently pregnant. i had a miscarriage in april and we’re planning to start trying again soon. my sister in law is not pregnant either. their baby making isn’t any of my business, so they could be trying, but i don’t think so.
today a bunch of us were hanging out just talking about interesting names, names we like/don’t like (i was mostly just listening) and she mentioned a name that my husband loves and is (or at least was?) on our list of baby names. when i mentioned this, she right away said, “no! i call dibs!” and it really bothered me and bummed my husband out when i told him because it’s his favorite name. if they “beat” us to it, then i won’t be mad about them using the name- it’s not like we own the rights to it- but i hate that she told me that we could not use it.
i’m not really sure what to do now and i feel silly worrying about it when neither of us even execting. should we still consider it for future babies or just let them have it?
Post # 2
lilchicana: If you love it, use it! She’s being kinda ridiculous calling dibs. It’s a name not the last donut. If she beats you to it then good for her and there are other lovely names. If you get there first then you name your child whatever you want to name him/her and she’ll get over it.
Post # 3
This is a non existent problem since nobody can own exclusive rights to a name and neither of you actually have a baby to name either!
It isn’t all that unusual for the same name to be used in families anyway and it is a matter of preference for you whether you would find this confusing or inconvenient.
Also bear in mind that despite what you officially call your child they may not get known as it especially when they are young! My son, daughters and nieces were known as ChazzieB, Maleficient, Rosebud, Lollipop and Baby Landa and I can assure you this is not what they were christened!!
My advice therefore would be not to worry about baby names now but consider carefully the info you do share with your sis in law if this is her attitude!
Post # 4
You can’t call dibs on a baby name.
Post # 5
Since you’re both old enough to be making babies, I assume you’re not 6 years old. Cripes, it’s a baby name, not shotgun. She doesn’t get to “call” it. If you and your DH love the name and you have a baby first, use the name you love. Besides, either of you could change your mind about names between now and then. Don’t limit your name selection because your SIL is immature.
Post # 6
Don’t worry about it, seriously. When you do have a child, name them whatever you please. We were with a bunch of friends recently and were throwing out names hypothetically as none of us have kids… turns out one name was on most of my close friends lists. One friend seemed really bother by it, but honestly, if someone in our group had a girl and decided to name her that name, we will be ok. There are billions of other names to choose from.
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
This is why I stopped telling people names I liked. Three of my friends named their children names I had said I was picking. Guess what? I got over it AND I didn’t end up having children anyway. (Also I thought of WAY cooler ones, ha ha.)
Post # 8
thanks, everyone! i think we’ll keep the name on our list. we haven’t really been telling a lot of people the names we like, but now i’m definitely keeping my mouth shut.
i feel like if we do end up using the name, she might get mad and i don’t want to cause any tension, but then part of me is like, “screw you,” lol
Post # 9
lilchicana: I think you should take it a step further: don’t tell *anyone* names you like. We didn’t tell anyone. If you don’t tell people, then (a) they can’t criticise it, and (b) as in your case, no one can try to call dibs. If you must tell someone, tell your best friend – it doesn’t matter if unrelated kids have the same name.
(And I agree with anyone – no one can call dibs on a name).
Post # 10
lilchicana: This is only a problem of you decide that it is. Personally, in a case like this, I would decide that I don’t give a shit. Until someone immortalizes a name on an actual birth certificate, I fail to see ANY “claim.” Even then… it’s a name. You can’t open it.
If you are dealing with the type of person who gets mad over something as childish as this, then it’s only a matter of time. If it isn’t this that makes her mad, it will be something else..so it really comes down to YOU deciding how beholden you wish to be to someone with nutso ideas about how much others should structure their lives around her in order to appease her pitiable insecurity.
Do want you want and stop entertaining delusional people like you SIL.
Post # 11
- Wedding: A very pretty church.
lilchicana: You are waaaay too nice, the phrase “bitch please” would have marched right out of my mouth. This isn’t the passenger seat of the car, no one gets to call shotgun. I wouldn’t give it another thought unless they actually have a kid and call it that name, I am sure first cousins all over the world share names and survive to tell the tale, but that may not be your preference.
Post # 12
polyblonde: she actually has gotten mad at me before. it was completely unintentional (and if you ask me, it was a really stupid thing to be mad about anyway) and i apologized to her, but ever since then, i sometimes feel like i’m walking on egg shells around her.
Taiki: in my head i was saying that! but i really didn’t have a chance to say anything back. i just kinda gave her a “wtf?” look and the conversation kept going. i hope she doesn’t think that just because i didn’t say anything, it means i’m going to listen to her.
Post # 13
lilchicana: I sort of a similar awkward situation… my sister and her SO called dibs on a name that is my FI’s dad’s name. FI’s dad is doing okay but has had a rough health history- there’s a chance our kids won’t know him. And if that happened I feel like FI would want to name our child after him. So this is awkward but I already told my sister I can’t promise her anything! It kind of stinks for them but there are so many names out there to choose from. And if we had to, we could both have kids with that name! New family name!
Post # 14
My cousin in Spain named her daughter Sofia which is my all time favorite name. When and if I ever have a daughter, I’m naming her Sophia. I could care less if my cousin beat me to it. Besides, they’ll be in different countries anyway so whatever. But it bothered me like crazy when I found out.
You name your child whatever you want. Don’t let her call “dibs”. This isn’t high school.
Post # 15
See, I’d be nice about it, and if I got pregnant first I’d tell her- I talked to FI and he really has his heart set on this name so we are going to use it, I thought I’d let you know. If she has the right sex baby first it’s gone, but if not it’s fair game. All you can do is wait until you’re pregnant and then just be nice about using it.
I dislike having cousins with the exact same name, too close in the family in my opinion. They can be the same name in a different generation (Uncle and Nephew, Dad and son, etc), but I would never choose the same name in the same generation.