(Closed) My sister and brother are drug addicts.. In or out of the wedding? Please help!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: In or Out of the Wedding?
    In the wedding... : (4 votes)
    11 %
    Out of the wedding... : (32 votes)
    89 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    260 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2011 - The Providence Biltmore

    I think it is a tough situation and only you can judge what is best for you.  I would personally not have them in the wedding. I also probably wouldn’t invite them.  As a side note, please make sure to lock your card box with them around!

    If you want a few reasons why to not include them:

    The money for the outfits is a wonderful reason.

    There will be alcohal at the bachelor/bachelorettes and you don’t want to feed the addiction. (Or worry about them brining illegal drugs along)

    You could always just have a small bridal party with just a MOH and Best Man.

    Just have your niece as a flower girl to fulfill the family in the bridal party obligation.  At least you know she’ll be more well-behaved then they will.

     

    Good luck with your decision.  You are in for a bumpy road either way.  Make sure to stand strong though in whatever decision you make.

    Post # 4
    Member
    116 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    Family dynamics are so tough and I am so sorry you need to make that decision. I voted but like mszebra, I do not know what is best for you. I wish you luck though and I hope it all turns out in the best way possible for you and your FI. *hugs

    Post # 5
    Member
    50 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    I think you need to remember that it is YOUR wedding.. not your moms. I know this can be a hard decision, but the reason brides have bridesmaids is because they wanted their closest loved ones around them when the got married. It doesn’t sound like your sister and brother are among those you consider closest. I think you should talk to your mom about having them in the bridal party. I don’t know if I would kick them out all together, maybe your brother could usher for you.. still have some part without being a “main attraction”.  I’d think I’d want them to attend, but more in the background.

    Also.. just in my experience. A friend of mine’s groomsman had issues with drugs too. And while he was sober for the time leading up to the wedding… I can’t say the same for after the wedding. Mid-way through the reception no one knew where he went. The last anyone saw, he was in the bathroom throwing up. He surfaced 2 days later in rehab.

    Post # 6
    Member
    853 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    My sister is kinda the same way: she’s borderline alcoholic (I see her once a year, but her DUI record says enough for me) and my mom is also disappointed that I have not asked her to be a BM.

    I see it like this: If I can’t depend on her (or them, in your case), why would you depend on them for an important role like your wedding? I just know if I asked my sister to do something for me on the day of, she’ll cop an attitude and flake out, and that’s the LAST thing I’d need at a time like that. Bottom line, if you can’t depend on them, don’t ask.

    Post # 7
    Member
    205 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    You need people to whom you can talk openly and are there to support YOU, not the other way around. I would give each of them a reading or something for the ceremony. If they flake out, you just skip the reading.. no worries about dresses or fittings, etc.  Tough love can be tough on you too, but stand your ground.

     

     

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