Post # 1
So I asked my brother and sister to stand up in my July 2011 wedding; mostly because my mother almost demanded that I do so. My mother hates the fact that I don’t want my siblings in my wedding. I am so disgusted with their actions, and so is my FI. My sister has a 4 year old daughter, who I love dearly, but she does not take care of her. My mom is raising my niece and has been for her entire life. My sister got out of prison for identity theft; this is how she was supportng her heroin addiction. My brother is a major pot-head and he drinks a lot. He has terrible friends and makes bad decisions. They are both living with my grandfather and free-loading off him. They don’t work and use him for everything.
I really want to kick them both out of the wedding. They really embarass me; everything they do is childish. My MOH is my aunt, who I love dearly and is closer to me than my sister will ever be. My brother is only in the wedding to stand up with my sister; I don’t want to subject anyone else to her. I feel bad for my mother because she is the one that will have to buy everything they need to stand up in the wedding; she doesn’t have any money, she is raising her grand-daughter. BUT: they are my siblings and they are the only ones I have.
What would you do?
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2011 - The Providence Biltmore
I think it is a tough situation and only you can judge what is best for you. I would personally not have them in the wedding. I also probably wouldn’t invite them. As a side note, please make sure to lock your card box with them around!
If you want a few reasons why to not include them:
The money for the outfits is a wonderful reason.
There will be alcohal at the bachelor/bachelorettes and you don’t want to feed the addiction. (Or worry about them brining illegal drugs along)
You could always just have a small bridal party with just a MOH and Best Man.
Just have your niece as a flower girl to fulfill the family in the bridal party obligation. At least you know she’ll be more well-behaved then they will.
Good luck with your decision. You are in for a bumpy road either way. Make sure to stand strong though in whatever decision you make.
Post # 4
Family dynamics are so tough and I am so sorry you need to make that decision. I voted but like mszebra, I do not know what is best for you. I wish you luck though and I hope it all turns out in the best way possible for you and your FI. *hugs
Post # 5
I think you need to remember that it is YOUR wedding.. not your moms. I know this can be a hard decision, but the reason brides have bridesmaids is because they wanted their closest loved ones around them when the got married. It doesn’t sound like your sister and brother are among those you consider closest. I think you should talk to your mom about having them in the bridal party. I don’t know if I would kick them out all together, maybe your brother could usher for you.. still have some part without being a “main attraction”. I’d think I’d want them to attend, but more in the background.
Also.. just in my experience. A friend of mine’s groomsman had issues with drugs too. And while he was sober for the time leading up to the wedding… I can’t say the same for after the wedding. Mid-way through the reception no one knew where he went. The last anyone saw, he was in the bathroom throwing up. He surfaced 2 days later in rehab.
Post # 6
My sister is kinda the same way: she’s borderline alcoholic (I see her once a year, but her DUI record says enough for me) and my mom is also disappointed that I have not asked her to be a BM.
I see it like this: If I can’t depend on her (or them, in your case), why would you depend on them for an important role like your wedding? I just know if I asked my sister to do something for me on the day of, she’ll cop an attitude and flake out, and that’s the LAST thing I’d need at a time like that. Bottom line, if you can’t depend on them, don’t ask.
Post # 7
You need people to whom you can talk openly and are there to support YOU, not the other way around. I would give each of them a reading or something for the ceremony. If they flake out, you just skip the reading.. no worries about dresses or fittings, etc. Tough love can be tough on you too, but stand your ground.