My sister and her bf are HIGHLY inappropriate in public..

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MsBark:  I think your next course of action is to TRY to ignore it.  Some of what you wrote, I cringed at, but other stuff you wrote I though ‘meh, not too bad’.  I cringed because it was something I would not do, and then other things my FI and I totally do, no matter who is around (we often still ‘touch’ throughout a meal, hand on leg, etc…)!!

PDA, in my opinion, is a to each their own issue.  Whereas some people HATE any signs of PDA, othres find it sweet, romantic and completely fine.

If someone told me that they were uncomfortable that my FI gives me passionate kisses while we are out, or that they think it is weird I will sit on his lap around family, I would say ‘too bad’.  It stinks that people do not want to be around your sister for it, but it does not seem to phase her at all.  

Trying to correct the problem, may push her to do it more.  Ignoring the problem will hopefully keep you calmer.  I would not so much worry about the wedding.  I find a wedding to be a place of love, and I find it enduring – as a guest – to see other people in love enjoying their evening, dancing, kissing, hand holding – while dressed up, and having a great time!!  

Post # 4
9859 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MsBark:  I have no problem with people kissing in public – making out, that can be a bit much.  What you’re describing would definitely make me uncomfortable.  What’s really gross is that my Uncle and his wife (I don’t call her my aunt – she’s his second wife and not my cousin’s mom…one of those things) are like that.  I hadn’t even considered that they’ll probably behave like this at the wedding :/

I don’t have any advice for you…I wish I did.  Can one of your parents talk some sense in to her?  Grandparents?  I know I’d be mortified if one of my grandparents said something to me about my BF and I being inappropriate at that age (Or now..)

Post # 5
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@OUgal0004:  I agree. I went to a wedding where a couple was almost having sex on the dance floor (guy grabbing her boobs, not kidding). But it doesn’t sound like your sister and BF are on that level thankfully. Kissing, hugging dancing – everyone will be doing that at your wedding and in such a large crowd no one will notice

Post # 6
42089 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MsBark:  Although her behavior is not very mature, she is an adult. Her behavior will reflect on her, not you or the rest of her family.

Spend your energy dealing with something you CAN control.

Post # 7
6666 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

As someone who is super against PDA for myself and others- I totally sympathize.  But I don’t think there is anything you can do about how your adult sister conducts herself.

Post # 8
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MsBark:  um what, I agree with you, it’s highly inappropriate. Holding hands, kissing, is fine, but once people start getting clingy, I wouldn’t want to be around the couple either. Unfortunately if what you’ve done so far isn’t working, then it’s time to just ignore and isolate. They clearly have no regard for the comfort of others. Don’t hang out with them and don’t think about them during your wedding!

Post # 9
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Ugh. My stepsister was like this with a boyfriend a few years ago. It was really uncomfortable to be around. Super awkward. I would just tell her she’s embarassing herself and then try to ignore it. Unfortunately there’s not much you can really do.

Post # 11
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@MsBark:  wow, just reading that made me nauseous. I’m not anti-PDA, but there’s a time and a place for everything, and somethings should only happen in private. 

Do they not have private time together? I think you should try to ignore it, since you’ve already spoken up and have been ignored. Next course of action should be intervention from your parents, if they have an open and friendly relationship with her. Otherwise, it’s up to her to realize how cringe inducing her behaviour is.

My FI and I were PDA heavy when we started dating (just out of high school), and one day my mom said to me, “Have you ever seen me and your dad making out?” I answered no (haha), to which she said, “Well we do, but we have enough respect for people around us to do it on our own time, in private.” I’ve never been more mortified, grossed out, and embarrassed in my life. It was a point well taken.


Post # 12
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I am going to sound like such a meanie, but I don’t see a problem. Personally, I don’t really care what other people are doing as long as they aren’t touching me. I am not a very affectionate person and my husband and I aren’t excessive especially in public. With that being said, I don’t see the problem. I don’t understand why it NEEDS to stop. 

I am not bashing you or saying your feelings don’t matter. I just don’t see what you could possibly say or do to make them stop doing something that is apparently VERY crucial for them. 

Post # 14
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@MsBark:  oh dear. Well if you’ve talked to her and she hasn’t listened I’m not sure what else you can do besides ignore it. Maybe they will cool off a bit in time for the wedding?

Post # 15
16 posts
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MsBark:  haha i just threw up in my mouth a little

Post # 16
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

@MsBark:  Some of this is definitely not acceptable but honestly, do you think there’s any way that because some of what they do is inapropriate, you tend to be more annoyed but things that actually aren’t that bad? I know that when I’m annoyed by someone, everything they do gets on my nerves more and more. Honestly, I didn’t think that some of the things you described were that bad. I pretty much always sit with my hand on DH’s leg. I don’t find it inapropriate at all. I mean, if it’s like more crotch area then leg, it’s another story. 

I don’t have a lot of advice for you other than to try to just ignore it. Maybe that will A) help you and your family not to be so annoyed, and B) cool down your sister and her BF. My guess is that your sister feels defensive about it, so they tend to do it more and more, either subconsciously or on purpose, just to prove their point. 

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