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Am I overreacting or what??? My sister was suppose to be my matron of honor, i had asked her to be months ago and she was so excited for me. Yesterday she sent me an email (couldnt even tell me face to face the night before at family dinner) and told me its too inconvenient for her to be in my wedding and that she doesnt feel right being my matron of honor, which I do not understand! She is my sister, i was in her wedding back in August and I was her bridesmaid, she had picked her husband's sister that they arent even close with to be her maid of honor. Its bothered me alot but I never once let her know how much that hurt me, and now she's doing this shit to me!!! SHe said they are planning a family now and its just too much for her to stand beside me at the wedding. So I told her that I didnt want a bridal shower or bachelorette party so all the planning would be cut to none, but she still said it was too much, whats too much?! Taking one day out of your life to be in your sisters wedding? Then I told her that she is no longer my sister, am I overreacting because im really hurt right now, my one and only sister wont be in any of my wedding pics, for her own selfish reasons! Is she kidding? WTF!
Definitely not an awesome move on her part to do it by email.
It sounds like you need to have a serious heart to heart with her. If she's planning to have a family now, she very well might be pregnant by the time your date rolls around, and she might feel uncomfortable buying a dress for the occasion or being pregnant in all of the pictures.
If she's worried that there is too much of a time commitment, then perhaps she could just be a regular bridesmaid instead of the matron of honor? This will relieve some of the pressure and she could still be a part of the events leading up to the wedding without having the responsibility.
Tell her that you're hurt and that you really wanted her to be a part of it, but if she still declines, try to understand her reasoning (if her reasons are valid) and think of other ways to include her (maybe she reads something at the ceremony or still gives a speech at the reception).
Good luck!
Hmm...that's really not good sisterly behavior on her part. Besides having the heart to heart, you might want to get mom & dad's opinion on the situation. They'll probably be able to have some influence over her, and hopefully they'll be on your side and offer comfort even if she ends up not being a part of the day.
Is there more to the story that we don't know about? some other History? It seems weird that she would choose a sister in law to be her MOH instead of you & that she would just decide that she doesn't want to be a part of your day for no reason. Enless she really is a selfish; coldhearted B. So sorry she hurt you! Just think maybe there's a little more....??? Maybe something that wasn't intentional or that maybe you've looked over?
Tammy, it sounds to me like there is some bigger issue going on. Why didn't she pick you as her maid of honor? Why doesn't she even want to be in your wedding? I suspect there is some deeper issue that you don't know about. I think for the sake of your relationship with her, you should SPEAK to her (dont' do it over email) and just ask what's up? Even if she isn't in the wedding, you still might want to be in her life in some way. It sounds like there is some reason she is withdrawing from you, and you need to find out what it is before the relationship is severed...
I'm sorry that this is happening to you. :(
Is it possible there's another reason she's dropping out, like maybe she's upset about something, or money issues? This may be coming from left field and totally off base, but it seems odd that she would be very excited for you and then suddenly drop out by email, a day after seeing you in person. It makes me wonder if something happened that maybe you're not aware of.
Maybe have a good discussion with her about why it is important to you for her to be there, even if she can't be in the wedding party. No stress, no extra responsibility other than showing up to support your marriage and have a great time. If she's still hesitant, maybe there's another reason behind it that will come out that you can broach and talk to her about.
Im very shocked about this whole thing, i know definately there is nothing wrong. We have been close ever since we were born, we talk on the phone everyday, i was surprised when i wasnt her maid of honor, but i just figured she picked her husbands sister because he paid for the whole wedding. She planned the bridal shower and bachelorette party already, i just spoke to her 2 days ago about how all the planning is doing, and she was fine, completely fine. All my other bridesmaids have been saying she's been very excited about all the planning. Then I had a family dinner at my house for my 1 year old daughter's birthday and she seemed fine, then the next morning she sent me that email and said she now wants to have a baby and she cant be in the wedding. She is the godmother of my child, she is everything to me, we never fight, we get along
How is her husband? Is he very controlling? Do you think he made her have his sister as MOH and is making her drop out of your wedding? I don't know why but that's the first thing that came to mind....
Yes; agree; that makes it seem even MORE odd that she would bail. Gotta be something going on. Not just Babies. She could wear a dress while pregnant and still look adorable!! I'd lean on her more.
Her husband is a weirdo! He seems very controlling but she does yell at him alot, sometimes it seems like she wears the pants in the house though. Im just still so sad about this whole thing and cant understand how anybody can do this at all. I wanted to make a speech for her at her wedding but i couldnt, i wanted to be the one helping her put her gown on but i couldnt, i wanted to plan her bridal shower but i didnt. And now i am giving her the opportunity to do this for me but she isnt taking it, i never want to speak to her ever again!!
Its definately not money issues because they just bought a huge home and her husband makes a ton of money, she doesnt work and never has to
I agree. There has to be a reason. Perhaps knowing you have a daughter, and she wanting one, she is jealous of you???? Is there something about your FI or your relationship with him, she might be jealous of? Your career? Money?
Your wedding is in 5 months. The most she could be is 5 months pregnant, if she started trying tomorrow. That is pretty doable for most gals. I just wonder if she's not telling you something. Not a knock against you. But you might think things are perfect and not be seeing that she is upset about something.
Good luck.
Wow! this doesn't make any sense, you should get to the bottom of this and have a talk with her face to face. Gosh she is being a B*TCH excuse my language!
I dont know how she can be jealous of me, i live in a tiny ass apartment and my FI was laid off for months but now has a good job, her husband is loaded and she lives on 2 acre land. My car is a shitbox and she has a brand new car. I have no idea what it is at all, she has a nursing degree and i only have an associates degree so if anything I should be the jealous one. Have no idea whatsoever what she can be so upset about. We all get along and never fought, all of us. My mom doesnt believe in marriage so i cant talk to her about anything that has to do about weddings. Me and FI was up all night last night talking trying to figure out what coudl of happened at the party of in the past, but we couldnt come up with anything! She just called me a couple days ago telling me she was going to get her dress and asked me how all the planning was going, so so so so strange to me. I love her so much and she is hurting me so bad right now
Money can't Buy Happiness. You need to See her Face to Face and get things straightened out. She's not telling you something.
Im afraid if i see her face to face it will get ugly, especially im super sensitive and she's super unsensitive
I know it will be hard but you need to talk face to face. If she is completely unsensitive about the situation, maybe you don't want her in your wedding after all! You want someone who will love and support you and maybe she just isn't cut out for that.
I had a long term relationship end via email, so I completely understand the sting of getting that kind of news via email. You have to see her face to face to get down to the bottom of things. The thing I question is if you initiate the conversation and are super sensitive, why are you afraid it is going to get ugly? You need to take a deep breath, ask her calmly and politely, and go from there. I'm not going to pretend it will be easy, but you can't make an already ugly situation uglier. If you tell her you are going to disown her as a sister, it isn't going to help. No matter how livid you are you can't say things you can't take back, especially if you had been as close as what you say.
your story sounds like something my sister would do which is why when i get married (unless we somehow patch things up) i wont have her as a bridesmaid, and to be fair not my other sister either or my SO's sister too. just my closest friends. no family drama for me. i would love to patch things up with her but my sister is the kind to never let things go. i think you should talk to your sister though, she seems like shes being unfair, maybe shes jealous of you?
You said up until several days ago, everything was fine...she was getting the dress, planning the shower, bach parties, etc...and then out of the blue, with no contact from you, she emails you and bails? From an outsider looking in, something has definitely happened. And to be brutally honest, by responding the way you did, some major damage control needs to be done. If you guys never ever fight like you say, then having a sister say, "you are no longer my sister" is not going to be taken lightly by your sister. While yes, her actions are definitely odd and sucky, you need to meet with her now before the situation gets worse. I don't agree with your sister's actions. Even if something happened, like the rest of the bees think, how she handled it wasn't the best of ways. But do you really truly want to lose a sister over this? My advice is to hear your sister out...again, in person. Listen to what she has to say. If you don't like what she says, just move on and put it in the past. Because if you don't, you'll look back on your wedding day with sadness because of the events that lead up to it...I know, easier said than done :(
It seems like you have an answer for every reason we can guess, so the only thing I can say is: TALK TO HER FACE TO FACE. Give yourself time to calm down, and just ask for some time for the two of you to talk. The fact is, there may be something going on you don't know about yet. You need to find out what it is. Because, if you're right about how close you guys are, it's one of two things: (1) something that has upset her that you dont' know about, or (2) she's gone completely insane for no reason, which is equally worrying. Either way, you need to know what's up. Good luck hon. I know this must be really hard.
Can I ask what her response was to your email? I definitely think you should talk to her face to face. Get parents or someone involved. Are you close with her husband - can you talk to him about it? Maybe show her some pictures of maternity dresses and how cute they could be?
It does sound as if she's being irrational. It might be a little more understandable if she is already pregnant but since it could be months before she is, her sudden change of heart is a little questionable. Maybe you should sit down with her & explain to her that you're hurt by her decision. She may not understand how you feel.
honestly, maybe everything is not as it appears on the surface...sometimes women who don't work and have wealthy but controlling husbands could actually feel trapped but feel the need to keep up appearances...could that be the case?
granted, she is not behaving perfectly, but to say you are no longer my sister over ONE email without talking it out is worse to me...I really hope you do not mean that, especially after you said how close you are. Family is so much more important than this.
I will wait to cool off to talk to her, definately after Christmas, we were suppose to have a xmas dinner at her new house but she cancelled it yesterday too, but in the email she sent me, she made it very clear that she was making a concrete and conscious decision and when i was upset with her yesterday about dropping out she said she couldnt understand why i was even getting upset for
I would have to agree, I would also be hurt if my sister did this to me.
If you chose her as your maid of honor, then you should be close enough to express your concerns to her. If you don't feel that you can do that....then maybe this is a blessing in disguise. You can now select someone whom you're closer to, a friend who will provide endless support during your wedding planning process.
Maybe something is going on between her and her husband? Maybe they're getting a divorce and she's covering things up with this? Why would she also cancel Christmas dinner at her house too? Something is majorly up with her...I would definitely talk to her face to face after Christmas.
This honestly sounds like something is going on in her life, not in your relationship, that is messing with things. You need to figure out what is wrong so that your relationship doesn't become a casualty.
Probably the best thing you can do is write a letter back saying you are sorry for your emotional reaction, you love your sister and she is super important, that you hope she changes her mind, that you are there to talk to her, and that you will give her time to think.
If you handle this right you may get her to open up and tell you what is really going on. If you continue to be very emotional or angry at her, you won't.
Sorry to hear that. I can't believe that she won't be in your wedding, and that she told you through EMAIL!!!! Is there something else that is bothering her? I think if I were you, I would ask her to meet you somewhere for lunch or something and talk. Ask if there is really a different reason why she won't do it. I think you guys are on different pages with communication, and it might be good for you to sit and talk everything out.
Do you think she is having problems conceiving and the sight of children is making her depressed? She is acting out, something is definitely going on with her. Yelling in a marriage doesn't mean you have control; it means you are losing control, have anger, and need to shout.
Can you send her an email apologizing and ask her to lunch?
When was the last time you saw your sister? I hate to say this, but it's starting to sound like there might be some abuse involved. Especially since it seems sudden that she's trying to get pregnant, that he doesn't have to work and she had all this new stuff. Could it be that her husband is buying her all these things so she thinks she's special and he deserves to have his way? I know you said she's got a nursing degree, but having an academic education doesn't keep these things from happening? And it doesn't just happen to young women either.
You mentioned you talk to her daily (or at least did). Have your face-to-face visits decreased? If she just got married in August, it's highly possible that things have changed in her world. You really need to have a face-to-face with her!
I can't imagine my sister doing this to me, I'm so sorry you are going through this in what should be a happy time for you and your FI. I think your sister doing this is so selfish and ridiculous! Like another bee said if she starts trying tomorrow she'll only be 5 months pregnant! I think she is jealous of you (even though you stated she has more material items than you), maybe she doesn't like all the attention being on you and not on her? My sister is my MOH and if she pulled this crap on me 5 months before the wedding in an EMAIL, I would drive over to her house, ask her #1 why she couldn't tell me in person when I just saw her yesterday, #2 Why she is doing this because her reasoning sucks and #3 tell her if she can't stand up there on one of the most important days of my life when I just did the same for her then she need not come to my wedding. I know it sounds harsh but what she is doing to you and for no good reason at all when you thought you had a great relationship is harsher.
I agree with the previous posters. There has to be something else going on here. Do you think that she and your fiance may have had words or something?
I hope you are able to get it worked out.
I really wish I knew what is wrong. @noritake-if she had words with my FI I would definately know about it, now im getting worried about her. I am just so emotionally drained about this i dont have the energy to drive an hour to her house but i definately will after the holidays. I strongly believe it IS very selfish and ridiculous thats why its hard for me to talk to her, i dont want to seem like im begging her to be in my wedding, she should want to as i did hers
I just reread everything and if she didn't have words with your fiance, then there has to be something else going on. I would be extremely worried. Sorry. From what you have said, this type of behavior seems totally out of character for her. If you can, try to talk to her when you know her husband isn't around. I know this is really hard for you, but she may really need you right now, but may not be able to ask.
I'm sorry that you are going thru this. I agree with noritake. Maybe there is something going on that you don't know about.
I hope it all works out...
Wow - what a super sh*tty thing to do. I'm sorry your sister is being so insensitive about the entire situation.
I'm not sure if anyone has said this yet - but it's good that she did this now as opposed to 2 weeks before the wedding. And at the end of the day - you want someone standing beside you who you love, loves you and supports you in one of the biggest days of your life..so maybe it's a good time to choose someone who is willing to be there for you like that.
*HUGS* I hope everything works out.
I know you said that you don't want to do it face to face, but even over the phone would be better. Emotion shows on your face and your voice and often writen words come across wrong (even on WB!) She is your sister, you should be able to somewhat read her.
Maybe approach it like this:
Sister, I competely understand that it is your choice to be a part of my wedding. I would be honored for you to be my MOH, or even just a bridesmade, and I understand if you really feel that you can't. I still hope you can attend the wedding.
However, sister, this behavior is not typical of our relationship. I am worried about you and am afraid something else may be going on. You do not have to tell me the details, but I would like to support you and it would help me to understand your situation better.
Give her a chance to open up to you and share what is going on without attacking her about not being in the wedding. Maybe something serious really is going on right now and she doesn't want to bother you with it because she doesn't want to ruin your wedding. If you give her the chance, she might share and it would help you understand where she is coming from.
In the end, it really is her choice to participate in the wedding. I can understand that being a MOH or BM is a lot of time and money (even if you try to keep costs down). I would just express that no matter what is going on, you hope she can participate as a wedding guest.
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