Post # 1
Help! I asked my future sister in law to be one of my bridesmaids. Because of each bridesmaid’s uniquepress preference, body type, and budget, I decided to let them choose their own dress with a few simple requirements to bring the different looks together. The dressed had to be black floor length in a shiny fabric like satin or taffeta. I also gave instructions for each bridesmaid to buy a specific shrug from a specific store to wear over it during the ceremony.
Last night, my sister is law showed up with her dress, which she spent $250 on. it’s black and floor length, but stops there. It’s a non-shiny stretchy fabric and already has sleeves built on it. I don’t know what to do. The dress is beautiful, but I gave specific instructions and already told my other bridesmaids they couldn’t buy something like that when they asked. Am I being too picky? Should I just let her keep her dress and tell my other bridesmaids to get what they wanted?
I don’t want to cause a fight with my future sister in law three months before my wedding. What should I do?
Post # 3
You probably should have just chosen a dress you wanted them to wear if your criteria was that specific. The shrug will probably keep things uniform.
Post # 4
I’d take her aside privately and bring up your concerns. How did you tell the girls (email, phone, text, actually talking)? This could make a difference- maybe she honestly forgot if it wasn’t in writing somewhere. I’m like that- I’m incredibly forgetful when I find something I love.
That said, if she just ignored them for the sake of ignoring them (is she usually like that or has she been acting annoying like this lately? It seems odd if this is coming out of left field), yoou need to think about what options you have with her. Can the sleeves be removed or will they fit under the shrug? I think if they’ll fit under the shrug, it’s not something to worry about- she might just not like shrugs but want the shoulder coverage a dress with sleeves offers (I’m also like that). Unfortunately, other than returning it, if she even can, there aren’t many options to deal with the fabric. I don’t think the fabric will read as differently on the day of as you think it will, visually, but if you’re really annoyed, she should try to return it.
If she can’t return it, and has no other reason to wear a dress like that, I’d just change your instructions to the other girls about the fabric, but make your Future Sister-In-Law deal with the sleeve situation. It doesn’t really matter that she spent so much money, you gave really simple instructions and she for whatever reason flaked on them. I wouldn’t make this the fight of the century, but I would try to be proactive and see if you can’t make the situation a little better.
Post # 5
Have your other girls already boughtthe dresses? Do you mind the non shiny fabric? Can you tell the other girls the criteria has changed?
I didn’t see anything about sleeves in your criteria, the shrug can just be layered on top so most likely if sleeves are not uniform it won’t be that obvious.
Post # 6
If only one more of your BM’s buys a non-shiny dress it will totally not be noticed that she skipped the plan. Uniform flowers and shrugs will be what pulls them together.
Post # 7
Are you paying for these dresses, or are they? If you’re paying, then it is completely within your right to tell your Future Sister-In-Law that her dress is gorgeous but doesn’t fit the look you want, so she needs to exchange.
I also agree with PPs that it would be better for you to just choose the dresses if you’re that picky. Personally I would not buy a floor-length dress, and I would never want one made of shiny material, but if that’s what you want for your bridesmaids then go for it!
I’ve been in 2 weddings where we were told to choose our own dresses, and in both cases the only critera was color. One of the brides didn’t even give a specific color, just a range of hues! In both cases, the bridal party looked great together and had a very pulled-together look without matching perfectly.
Also, in both those weddings the bride paid for our dresses, and our shoes/accessories. If you’re asking your girls to pay themselves, you should be a little more relaxed about your criteria so they can choose a gown they actually like.
Post # 8
@KatyElle: I’m going to have to agree…
Post # 9
@KatyElle: I don’t think she was all that picky. I gave my girls a store to choose from, a length of dress, a few color options and two material options and let them pick (the store had about 13 styles of dresses to choose from with those options)… My girls actually complained because they had too many choices that they liked! But in the end they all have dresses that they love and will gladly wear again.
I don’t think saying a color, length of dress and fabric is being overly specific with all the different styles of dresses out there. And I definitely don’t think it’s always feasible for a bride to buy the girls dresses, no matter how specific you are…
OP, I would say either broaden your options and let another girl pick a matte dress… Or pull your fsil aside and politely ask if the dress can be returned and maybe help her find one that fits your criteria. Good luck.
Post # 10
@o0olibelulao0o: She had a specific criteria, which didn’t include anything about sleeves. I didn’t say she was too picky, just that she seems to have a very particular style in mind, so there are 2 options here. Just pick a black, shiny, floor length, sleeveless dress for all the girls to wear, or trust that the shawl and bouquets will provide the uniform look you’re going for 🙂
Post # 11
She should have told you before she bought it. A common courtesy, in my opinion.
Post # 12
@esordera I completely agree!
Every time I’ve been a Bridesmaid or Best Man I have ALWAYS shown the bride a pic of the dress before buying it!
OP: I don’t think you’re being all the picky at all. It’s your wedding and I think you are being very generous in allowing them to pick a dress in the style that they want. I think you should talk to her about it.
Post # 13
I’m surprised she did send you a picture or describe it before buying and say “hey, does this work for you?”.
All my BM’s are wearing the same dress, I gave them the option of picking different ones but the criteria were similar to yours, short, shiny material and in the same color palette from DB. We all went shopping together and they fell in love with the same dress- SCORE. For shoes I told them just black shoes, whatever style you want and I’ve had a Bridesmaid or Best Man text me and ask “are wedges ok?” of course I said yes, because style is up to them. My point is, I’m surprised because if I were a Bridesmaid or Best Man I’d probably run it by you before buying just to be sure.
I would just talk to her instead of secretly resenting her for this.