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I'm not really understanding what she is doing that is so high maintenance. Just ask her for her wedding invitation list and invite the females on the list. She really shouldn't have a hand in it other than that.
You're her MoH but you're saying it's not fair that you are doing the work for her shower, have you asked your mother, her MIL, or an aunt for help? I'm pretty sure my MoH is the one who planned my entire shower.
It sounds like you are overwhelmed with your own wedding and her wedding being so close is just too much on you.
@Bailzoe: Yeah it's really becoming a strain on me. But, I have asked my mom to help, and the only real thing she's helping with is ordering the food from the caterers. My aunts won't help because they're very egotistical and just plain snobby. I wouldn't ask anything from them. When I say high maintenance, I mean that there's a level my sister expects everyone to be..her level. And I'm not like that at all. She needs everything to be exactly her way or it's a no go. Basically, maintaining her happiness is a 24/7 job, but feels longer. lol. And yes, I am her MOH but that doesn't mean that I HAVE to throw her a shower. There's lot of girls who opt on not having one, and I don't know why she didn't do the same. No one wants to come to this shower. Everyone said no. I just don't know why she's taking it so hard, when it's clearly people who she's not friends with. She thinks that she NEEDS a shower, because everyone else is doing it. This is the wrong reason for a shower to begin with. I dunno...
yeah, i'm also not sure how she's being too demanding here. if anything, she probably needs extra support right now since so many people have declined these pre-wedding parties and she might be feeling sad.
@Ms. Meowerson:True. I agree she needs a lot of support being that her wedding is this month, but she needs to face the facts. She shouldn't feel bad over people declining her shower when they weren't her friends to begin with.
Wanting a shower is being a bridezilla?
I'm not having a shower for various reasons and even think showers are overkill but even I think there's nothing unreasonable about wanting one and being sad that people don't want to come and your own MOH is not excited about it but seems to hate it.
There's nothing wrong with your sister because she's not like you. Being low key is great but it's not a freaking requirement and people aren't bad people or being mean if they aren't low key.
Also aren't the mothers and aunts and grandmothers coming? That would make a nice small group no?
I definitely think this is the other side of the coin for those threads with brides being upset that their maid of honors aren't throwing them a shower. As her MOH and because of your love for her as your sister, wouldn't you want to throw her a shower to wish her well on her wedding? I don't think she's being demanding, I sure wouldn't want my family and bridal party to think that of me just cause I wanted one. I never had to ask for it though, they planned everything without me knowing and I just had to show up. The bride is already planning so much for the actual wedding and these extra events are usually thrown out of love by the women in the brides life, is that really being demanding?
I'm with Ms. Meowerson - it isn't unreasonable at all to want to have a bridal shower. Just because you don't want a shower for your wedding doesn't mean that it is wrong of her to want one for hers. And if I were her, I'd be needing some major comfort and support (potentially from my sister/MOH) if that many people declined both my bachelorette party and my shower. That's just a punch in the gut.
@Arachna:Well I haven't added the other details about her bridezillaness, which I much prefer to leave out. But I'm just saying this is one of those moments where she just can't have everything she wants. And she's use to having everything she wants because she's really well off. Me on the other hand, not so much. That's another thing. She basically said, "A luau? Your throwing a luau for my shower? Are you serious?" Like honestly, would you want to throw a shower to a girl who said this to you? I mean I'm already on a tight budget with my wedding as it is, and she has the audacity to say this to me. I'm trying to budget everything, throwing her a bridal shower, my wedding, etc. But if push comes to shove, honestly it's just a party. I'd pick my wedding over that.
@Mrs.KMM:Yeah it was a punch in the gut for her. That's why I took her out for 2 days just relaxing and stuff, you know girlie stuff - spa, facial etc. I did this for her because I knew she really needed it and I wanted her to relax. I didn't ask for anything in return. I was there for her when no one else was. I just feel like she's getting mad at the wrong person. She shouldn't be getting mad at me because I'm throwing her a luau and it's not up to her standards of what a "shower" should be.
I had nothing to do with planning my shower. The planners asked my mom for the guest list to the wedding, they made their own list, and checked it with my mom. Since you're her sister, you should be able to know who to invite!
I think it's pretty unfair to call her a bridezilla -- nothing you said implied to me that she was being demanding or hard to deal with.
Are there any other bridesmaids? Maybe they'd rather do these things and you can ask them for more help.
Meh, I think bridal showers are silly actually and I don't want one. I do think she is slightly being a bridezilla because she refused to make up her mind about a shower or not until it was almost last minute. THAT would make me mad, but not the fact she wants a shower.
@ribbons: Well just because I'm her sister doesn't really mean I know who her friends are. In the past 4 years, we've only hung out with our FI's and their friends. I haven't seen one friend of hers at all since she's introduced me to my current FI, and that was 4 years ago.
@serasvictoria:Yeah. It was making me really mad and crazy on the back and forth thing. Let me clarify fellow weddingbees. I'm not mad at the fact that she WANTS a shower, just mad at the fact that sometimes you can't have your way all the time. That sometimes it's not feasible and it'd be better off not to have one.
@sewing:Of course! but my aunts replied no...Cousins said no...basically a lot of people said no.
I guess I just don't see what isn't feasible about it and why it's better off not to have one. You can invite female family members in addition to the few friends who did say yes. And I'm sure she thought that the friends she asked you to include were good friends and would come - it's been said before so many times on WeddingBee that weddings show you who your true friends are.
Maybe you should take the initiative to talk to your family members about what would be a good weekend for them to where they could attend. Sometimes it takes asking a few questions - you can't just pick a date out of midair and expect it to fit everyone's schedules.
@Mrs.KMM: It really does Future. But I guess I'm saying that it's not a good idea to have one because basically it's just gonna be me, my mom, FMIL, and 4 other girls (which includes the 2 BM's). I guess I just don't see the point in having one if a lot of people have replied no - since it was so last minute. It's just two other girls there, aside from her Bridal party. And my mom and the FMIL will just be talking with each other, since the FMIL is really shy and quiet. She's a loner in a lot of things. My sister has told me so many times that she'd rather stay home and not come out of her shell.
My sister said she wanted the shower on this particular day. But being that her wedding is only 3 weeks away now, she had to fit the shower before the out of town folks came in so that she could have it. So the rundown..yes I want a shower, no I don't want a shower. Ok I want a shower now. I'm planning as fast as I can...not enough time or money. And now I'm just hoping that whatever I do for the shower won't be a total disaster. Decorations and stuff have been bought already, so hopefully everything goes as she wants it to be.
it sounds like you might have some issues with your sister that are separate from the shower/wedding. maybe take a step back and think about what it is that is really bothering you. you say that she's used to getting her own way and that she's really well off. forgive me for saying this, but maybe you are feeling a little resentful or jealous of her? it is completely natural. in terms of the shower itself, you said your mother is handling the catering, so that's the biggest piece. whatever else you do for the shower is completely up to you- of you can't make it as elaborate as you think she'd like, then don't. and i wouldn't tell her anything else about what you are planning, as she doesn't need to be involved anyway, and therefore can't naysay it. good luck and i hope everything works out. i would just be there for your sister this month, and then you can come focus on all the wonderful details of your own wedding! =)
@Ms. Meowerson:Yeah hopefully this goes well. I would say I'm more resentful than jealous if anything. I guess because she wasn't happy for me and my engagement, I just don't feel the need to go far and over the moon for her. She's made it pretty clear that she wasn't happy when I got engaged. She was really bitter towards me for awhile, and I guess I just feel like I don't wanna do things for her anymore..I don't know..
Maybe as a suggestion - why do you have to have it before the out-of-town people come in for the wedding? My shower is the day before my wedding and I'm so glad that is when my cousin chose to plan it!!
(A) I have to travel to it myself and it is nice to only have to spend $400 traveling once to my wedding and shower as opposed to twice
(B) I can have more friends and family there who wouldn't be able to afford to travel in twice but will now already be in town for the wedding
(C) Extends the fun weekend full of celebration to one day earlier - who doesn't want a longer weekend of fun?
I think you should look at holding it right before the wedding and include the OOT folks. Then it isn't so last minute, people will be able to attend, and your sister will be able to have a shower!
@Mrs.KMM:Wow..what a great idea!! I'm gonna go contact her friends and ask if they can make it then. I guess I never thought of it since she told me what day she wanted her shower and stuff..but I think she'd be totally down for this idea. Thanks!
I'm sorry this is so difficult for you and she didn't give you a lot to go on. I like the idea of working with the people on the guest list and when they can come. I think you just need to take things as they come, and if it doesn't turn out well, you seem like you have done the best that you can at least. Hope all turns out well.
I actually think a seven person shower could be really nice. It will be a different type of event than 20/30 person shower but can be more intimate and more fun.
Are the expectations ones she is putting on you or you are putting on yourself? I mean other than the food and venue if a house can't be found I don't see what has to be expensive about showers. Decorations can be minimal - cakes and balloons would look awesome - and games don't require money just thought. Prizes for games IMO not necessary but even if you do it doesn't have to cost money especially if it's an intimate group.
I can see how being the MOH of someone who doesn't/didn't support your marriage would be tough. But I think this is one of those things you either do or don't - and if you do you have to make your best effort to do it well.
Showers are not required - so I would have totally supported you if you said four/six months ago to your sister - "you know with everything I have going on right now I'm not going to be able to plan your shower for you - sorry love - maybe x y or z will throw one?" But I think it is too late and given that you have to make the best of it.
I feel like you and your sister need to have a heart to heart. It sounds like there's a lot more going on than just a shower, and so that is what is being blown way out of proportion...
If I were your sister I would be absolutely heartbroken that you felt this way about me. That is really hurtful, because basically nobody wants to attend my shower not even the person that is throwing it. I think if a bride wants to have a shower, she should have one.
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Ok, so I'm her younger sister, and of course her MOH, and I have the lovely privilege of hosting her bridal shower. But!!! my sister has a way of making everything complicated and full of drama. I'm trying to plan this shower for her at the last minute because she was basically going back and forth on whether to have a bridal shower at all. Yes, No, Yes, No...I mean it's driving me crazy. How can I plan accordingly? So finally she's decided she wanted one, and now I have to hurry and buy all the decorations and gifts for the guests. I have been calling her almost every day this past week and it hasn't been working. No input from her on whose coming to this thing and how many gifts I need to get for the guests prizes. She wants it all, and I mean everything. I sent out evites and a lot of people have said that they couldn't make it. Only 3 said yes, which were me, and her 2 other BM's. Pretty sad isn't it? I don't get why she's putting me through this for people she hasn't met in 8years, people from college who were not so great to her in the past. I just don't get why she's trying to fill up a shower with people that don't even like her, and just for the sake of having a shower. I mean honestly, what's wrong with my sister?
Am I wrong? I never wanted to do the shower in the first place. I knew that she was gonna put me through hell because of it, so I just didn't want to take part in any of it. I know this may sound really bad and cruel, but I can't wait for her wedding to be over and done with. I was the only girl at her bacholerette party because her 2 other BM"s couldn't make it. And now, I'm the only one doing all the work for her shower. It's really not fair and I'm so overwhelmed with my own wedding. I have my wedding to plan and I sure as hell won't put her through what she's putting me through. I don't need a shower or a bach. party. Just a night out in the town with everyone is fine with me. I just wish she was low key, but no...she's such a high maintenance girl..ugh.