My sister is about to get engaged

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@alyssaC:  If it makes you feel better I think you’re doing the right thing!!! I hate it when that happens too, but like you, I’d never say anything to them and be nothing but supportive of them!  That is what the bee is for I think, venting here so you can be the supportive person you need to be/should be in person!  Long engagements are tough, trust me, I wanted a short one but we’ll have been engaged for something like 20 months at the time of the wedding (had to push the date back, venue issues, long story) and with a lot of friends getting married it really does feel awful!  The best advice I have is to drink a glass of wine and browse wedding blogs every time you feel this way 🙂 (just don’t overdo the wine haha)!  

Post # 4
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m sorry, that does sort of suck. BUT there are so many silver linnings to this!

  1. She will have gathered most of the addresses that you need – job done!
  2. You will be able to see what does and does not work at a wedding that actually envolves most of your guests – therefore making your wedding smoother
  3. Everyone gets to look forward to your wedding, anticipation is often better than the actual thing – enjoy the slow build up to your big day
  4. You don’t have the stress of a super short engagement
  5. You will be a kick-ass MOH which will show her everything SHE needs to know for being an awesome MOH
  6. She can act as your “trial” for a lot of vendors, should you be thinking of hiring the same people 
  7. She is getting married with a good amount of time between your weddings, it could be worse, it could be much closer and therefore more stressful
  8. Yay wedding!

It’s still ok to be a bit sad though. 

Post # 5
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@alyssaC:  Oh, sweetie!  I could’ve written this post myself!  FI and I have been engaged for 5 years by the time of the wedding (this August) and in that time, his cousin has gotten engaged and married…..and then our friends had their wedding last year.  It is so hard to watch others get married while your still waiting.

His cousin is only 23 and she already has an amazing job, a baby, a house, and a dog…..and they got all this within the FIRST year of being married!!  I love her to death (she was in BM running) but I am soooooo envious!!!

Like you, we were waiting for it to be convenient for us to get married and for FI to finish his Bachelors this May.  We know our decision is right for us but I totally feel you on this!

Post # 6
12875 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Can I ask why you are having such a long engagement if you just want to start your marriage already?   all it takes is a visit to a court house if it really hurts that much not to be married yet.  3 years is a long time for anything imo, you can’t honestly expect your wedding (or your anything for that matter) to be on the forefront of everyone’s mind for 3 whole years.  It’s great that you plan to keep these feelings to yourself and support her, like you said, you made the best decision for your self.  Your day will come.  


Post # 7
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@pinkshoes:  +1

I’m having a long engagement (2 years) for logistical reasons and to minimize stress. I definitely have the feeling of “I just want to be married already!” – but I also want the wedding that I’ve planning out in my head. The long engagement is the trade off to be able to have my cake and eat it too, but the decision was made with clarity of mind. My best friend got engaged and married in 2 months, and I didn’t feel the least bit resentful because I’m happy with my decision.

OP, if you’re dying to be married, then go do it! Your sister’s impeding nuptials make just be giving you some perspective about what you really want.

Post # 9
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Omg are you my twin? The SAME THING is happening to me right now. FI’s brother just got engaged in December and they are getting married this November. And the bride wants me to be a bridesmaid and considers us like sisters already and urg. It’s annoying because after they got engaged it’s like everyone just forgot about FI and I just because we are having a long engagement.

I don’t have helpful advice but it’s nice to know there are other people out there feeling similar to what I’m feeling! I think it is just going to suck, plain and simple. :

Post # 10
109 posts
Blushing bee

@alyssaC:  I understand.  It took us over two years to settle on a date because I got serious anxiety any time I thought about planning.  (Note – I love my FI and it’s not that I am doubting if we should get married.  There’s something about wedding planning that just pushes me over the edge.)  We’ve had a number of friends get engaged and married before us.  It feels weird, especially when they keep asking us about our wedding.  It’s ok to be upset about it.  You’re doing the best thing by powering through it and remembering you’ll have your day!  I haven’t found a way to not feel a little upset about it.  I just wait for it to go away.

Post # 11
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@alyssaC:  I havent encountered anything similar.

I just wanted to comment and say that you are have such an amazing and positive mindset, and are handling this in such a graceful and mature way.

It really sucks that this happened, I would be upset too. Hugs to you, and know that you will have your moment in the sun also, you just have to wait a bit longer

Post # 13
12875 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

That makes a lot of sense. You guys are young, there’s no need to rush it and you’ll be so much better of after a year if saving… but you knew that already. Hey, at least it’s only a year. A friend of mine and his then gf had to live at their parents home for 3 years to save upevery cent they could to be able to ever afford to get married and buy a house in this ridiculous housing market. I didn’t meet my husband until my late 20s and was living at home saving money. (It’s part of our culture that kids just stay home pretty much until married). But damn, the financial freedom it has afforded us is amazing. It’s worth it for just a year, you’ll be happy with you choice once that year is up, and it’ll fly by.

Post # 15
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You’re a year younger…live your life.

I met my FI, was engaged and will be married in a total of 20 months, we’re both almost 30.  For brother 2 it’s about the same timeframe, they were both 25.  For brother 1 he dated for 5+ years, had a 1.5 year engagment, broke the engament, then was married 3months later, they were both 25.   My FI’s sister met her hub when she was 15, they got engaged around 21 and married at 24….


…you know what?  it’s about the marriage.  My FI and I know that our marriage will be strong and this is the time we need.  Your sister knows whats best for her.  Don’t begrudge her that.  You know what’s best for you.


Post # 16
1787 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m not going to pretend to understand how having two happy events close together bothers some people, but I’m glad you’re trying to not let your feelings affect your sister. 

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