- 6 years ago
My sister is getting married in about 6 months and has (had) 3 bridesmaids, two who she has been friends with for over 15 years and the other is me. Bridesmaid A is a newish Doctor and has in the past few years been extremely busy establishing her career, doing research and getting published etc. Now my sister has never stated having a problem with this before and the friendship was obviously still strong enough for her to ask BM A to be in her wedding.
Fast forward to now and the Bride seems to be taking great issue with BM A’s ability to (in her words) “do the jobs required of a BM”. Basically the bride has asked all of the BM (via email) to come over and do projects such as make the std’s, make the invites and other DIY projects. BM A has never been able to attend these get togethers due to her work schedule but has always sent a nice message along saying how she wishes she could take part and to have fun.
Two week’s ago the bride sent an email to all the BM’s saying that she wanted to get together on such and such date to look for dresses. BM A’s sent a reply back to everyone that unfortunately she wasn’t able to make that date but that if everyone else could she didn’t want the date changed just because of her. She would go along with whatever the bride decided in terms of the outfit and that she was comfortable paying x amount for the dress. She said that if they passed on the details of the store and dress she would find the time to go in and get measured and ordered. She apologised for not being able to make it and hoped everyone had fun and that she was bummed that she couldn’t go along.
The bride sent a reply email to everyone saying that she can’t believe that BM A can’t put her life on hold for one day to come and try on dresses and that she felt tat BM A was being unreasonable and selfish and was being unsupportive and in her words a bad BM. BM A replied back that she was sorry but due to work committments that she was absolutely unable to make that date and she repeated she was bummed that culd not make it and had to miss the fun.
The bride again emailed all the BM’s and said that that was unacceptable and that BM A was no longer a BM is she couldn’t make the dress hunting day given that she had been so unsupportive and not help with any of the other projects.
Bridesmaid B and myself both stepped in and spoke to the bride saying we thought she was being a little harsh and reminding her that she knew of BM A’s schedule when she asked her to be a BM. She basically told us that it was her wedding and that she didn’t need to be surrounded by such an unsupportive person and that people on wedding forums were telling her the same thing. She then showed us her posts on a number of forums (which were light on the real details) where posters basically told her that the BM was a b*tch and unsupportive and that she should be dumped.
BM B and I then went to speak to my mother (so brides mother) and relayed what happened. She spoke with the bride and came back saying that the bride thinks what she has done is right and nothing will change her mind. Now my parents are paying for the whole wedding and have had to override my sister a couple of times because she wanted to do things that they would consider rude to do to guests (asking for cash in the invites, having a tiered wedding etc). They are upset that my sister is behaving in this way and treating a friend like this but agree that they cannot do much about it aside from the talk which failed to change the brides mind.
Bridesmaid B has since stepped down as a bridesmaid beause she cannot agree with how the Bride treated BM A. The bride is now bad mouthing BM B as well and saying how she was unsupportive and selfish as well. Unfotunately the wedding forums are again telling her that she doesn’t need friends like this and that she the bride is correct etc.
Meanwhile at a family event this weekend the bride has asked our cousins (twins 17 years old) to be her BM’s. Thankfully one of the twins is forthcoming and asked what happened to BM’s A & B? The brides goes on about how unsupportive they were and jealous??? and she had to let them go because they were ruining her wedding. Now the twins had heard all about what had happened from my mother and so respectfully declined the offer to be BM’s- which as you can imagine didn’t go down to well with the bride.
The bride is going to ask in her words “the two prettiests girls at the office on Monday to be BM’s”. I am like WTF!!!!!
Why is my sister who is normally a caring, compassionate and sane human been acting like this???
And why do people on forums validate such bad behaviour? (and yes I have lurked on here before posting and it happens here as well). Why do people feel that it is ok to treat friends/family/guests in such a poor fashion because it is their day?
Sorry for the long vent but I feel like stepping down and wont because it is my sister so needed to get it all out before going ballistic on my sister!
As a side note my BF has stated that he will want me to sign a contract that I will not act like this during our wedding planning just in case it is genetic!!! (I just focused in on that he wants to marry me!!!)