(Closed) My Sister Made a Huge Mistake

posted 6 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

Your title said it. She made a mistake so even though its upsetting, you shouldnt be upset with her. You were lieing to you parents (lie by omission) and it can be tough to keep track of who knows whats, as you already mentioned.

So remembering who knows what about your relationship and her own planning its a lot to keep track of.

So the real question is, what did you argue about? Her mistake or her bridezilla-ness?

And is it truley bridezilla-esque? or just her being excited for the planning and this time around you are in a different position? and possibly a little put off by not being able to tell your parents and have the same reaction as your sister? 

 

Post # 4
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

I think that she needs to apologize for what she did. This is obviously a big secret that you trusted her with and she just broke your trust and then attempted to play the victim so she could have the power. I would go to her to speak with her face to face and tell her calmly that just because she’s getting married doesn’t give her the right to trample your secrets, even if it just “slipped” and that, even more because of that, she should apologize and treat you the right way. You need to forgive her when you can (for the sake of her wedding and your sanity) and take the matter with your mother and father in your own hands, and leave her out of it. Definitely let her know that disowning you as a MOH is a very spoiled reaction to feeling guilty about something and wanting to escape that feeling and continue being important and sought after.

I’m really sorry this happened to you! I hope your parents find a way to be accepting of you, even if they don’t understand your decisions. Just keep in mind that gently stating what’s important to us in a non-accusing way is the best method for settling these kinds of disputes. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think it can be hard to remember what to say and not to say, particularly over big news like being engaged or not, where you get excited or it’s relevant to the conversation.  She slipped up and made a mistake.  I doubt it was intentional.

I understand that you came out recently to your parents, but even so, I don’t think it’ll help matters for them to only know a short time before you get married that you’re engaged (more time to adjust is generally better), so maybe this is for the best.

That said, if you came out to them only 6 months after the divorce, and that was recent…how long have you been with your FI?  It sounds like a short time (or you were with your FI while married), on the heels of your divorce.  Can you just postpone your wedding a year to give everyone time to adjust?

Post # 6
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

It was wrong what she did. You had your reasons (good ones) to keep the secret and what she did it messes up your relationship with your parents. She wasn’t just selfcentered, she was selfish and unconsidered. 

I assume she knows the reasons for you to keep your engagement from your parents, it doesn’t affect her to have that out, but it obviously affects your parents and yourself. You’re the one entitled to be mad, you’re a bride too, are you being a witch? there’s no excuse.

Post # 7
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@Coffee cup: How is it selfish if it was a mistake. It would be if it were purposeful, but the OP said it was a mistake in the title. If every mistake were selfish and self-centered, then the entire human race is selfish.

Post # 9
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

@Cupcake2012: You’re welcome. I guess having a psychology degree and obsession comes in handy sometimes, as much as SO wants to think it’s nuts 😉 Good luck again! Don’t be too harsh or start any big arguments… blaming only attracts blaming in return.

Post # 13
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You said she let it slip. maybe it was a blessing in disguise? She’s your sister.. The faster you both make up the better. Right?

Post # 14
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

@Cupcake2012: so often being justified or not does not mean that we should stay upset. She made a mistake that anyone can make. I think that her subsequent behavior is what you are justified to be upset about. If she had just given you a million apologies and offered to make up for it however she could, the situation would obviously not have gotten here. Beign upset at her is not going to punish her, it’s just going to make you hurt more. So often we hurt just to show others how much they hurt us, thinking that’ll hurt them back. But I think if that were the case, she would have apologized for her initial mistake when realizing how much she hurt you! That’s obviously not her though. Sorry if this doesn’t make much sense, it’s late 🙂

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